Without Disappointment There Can be No Hope
by StoryPainter
Summary: Bella is finally content with her life. She hardly even thinks of Edward anymore. So, what will happen when her past storms back into her life and throws all her plans in the air? Bella has to decide if she can move forward without ever looking back.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** The original plot and characters of Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended.

This will be mostly lighthearted and fun but will have some angsty moments. I'll try to keep them to a minimum though.

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Chapter One

Encounters

Why did I always find myself in dark alleys, hallways, and back woods where predators lurked? Danger followed me like I had some sort of target on my back and I found ways to unknowingly welcome it with open arms. 'Here she is, Bella Swan, the girl famous for her ability to attract all sorts of maniacal minions to her very presence.' Life seemed to mock me with her high-pitched voice reminiscent of carnival crooners luring people with promises of revealing the most shocking creatures they would ever seen. The handsome man standing in front of me now had approached me minutes before and revealed his intentions completely shocking me. He was an epitome of a wolf in sheep's clothing. I had trusted him for years and now, apparently, that was going to get me killed. As I steeled myself against the inevitable, I forced my eyes to shut tight. This was an occurrence I did not wish to witness. Although I had come to terms with my mortality some time ago, death was not something I was looking forward to experiencing. So, I waited in the darkness for the never-ending light or whatever followed this life.

Too much time passed but I did not dare to open my eyes. I could hear his breathing so I knew he was still standing a few inches away. My fellow med student and former friend had assured me that my death would be quick and painless. He claimed to respect me way too much to make me suffer any more than absolutely necessary. Yet, here I was being tortured by his lack of action. I really should not have been surprised by this latest twist of fate and I should have been hoping that he had somehow changed his mind about killing me. But, my life never gave me miracles and I knew better than to give into the temptation of hope. My life should have ended a long time ago. In fact, I had once longed for my heart to stop beating. I had been young and in love with a silly vampire boy who I thought wanted me for all eternity. I had just recently started to truly step out of the shell of protection I had formed around myself all those years ago, thanks to the persistence of my best friend, and it was all going to be for naught.

I focused on the thought of how much I appreciated the one person in my life who knew exactly what I had gone through my senior year in high school but had refused to give up on me when I retreated into myself with no intention of ever reemerging. He was the reason I had gone to medical school and worked so hard to be at the top of my class. Jacob motivated and pushed me to do great things. I planned to repay his kindness and his perseverance by working at the hospital on the reservation where he lived. He wanted to marry me and grow old together. And I was almost ready to say yes to him. He was not my Romeo but he could be my Paris. He could be enough. He loved me enough for the both of us and we could be blissfully happy spending the next 60 some odd years in each others arms. We could have been.

Apparently, however, I had waited too long to tell him about my intent and there would never be another opportunity to do so. This epiphany made me angry and suddenly I realized what I had to lose. The man who stood in front of me threatened to take away my chance to make things right with Jacob. He was stripping me of the ability to repay Jake for everything he had given me these last nine years. My best friend had asked for nothing except to be allowed a place in my life. My eyes flew open and I readied myself for the fight of my life – literally.

My attacker stood in front of me with a terrified look on his face. His hands were frozen in midair reaching out toward my neck. His stare was focused behind me but I could not move. I was too afraid to face whatever had scared the large assailant that had just been hell bent on ending my life. I focused on my friend turned would-be murderer. I had once thought so highly of him. Gregory and I met on the first day of medical school just over four years before and I had liked him instantly. He had immediately sought me out in every class we had that required a partner. When I almost fainted on the first day we worked on a cadaver, he caught me and kept anyone else from noticing. Being squeamish did not earn respect in the medical community. The smell of a mere drop of blood used to send me spiraling to the ground but I had worked hard to overcome my aversion. I thought I had been prepared to handle working on a dead body but I had not anticipated the smell. Formaldehyde was the worst thing my nose had ever had the displeasure to breathe. Gregory spent hours with me after classes to help me get used to the horrible stench. His excuse was that he did not want me to do it alone in case I fainted again. I had been grateful for his friendship. My gaze wandered back to his face.

Gregory's bright blue eyes were still focused behind me and my legs began to shake. I knew there was a good possibility I was going into shock but I fought against my fear. If I had any chance of getting out of here alive I needed to act fast. Without looking back I sprinted around the stone still body in front of me and headed toward the door that would take me to a busy hospital hallway. I was just a few feet from escape when I heard my name. The voice calling me was not Gregory's but it was just as familiar and almost as unwelcome. The velvety smooth voice stopped me instantaneously. My feet refused to keep moving. I turned to see Gregory held tightly by hands that I knew from experience would feel unnaturally cold. The world started spinning and I felt a well known dizzying sensation accompanied by the clamminess that always preceded the darkness.

My first day of residency had turned into a nightmare. When I graduated from medical school I had every intention of returning to Forks to complete my four to five years as a resident physician. I was excited about the idea of going home and being close to Jacob. Not to mention how much I missed Charlie. Even though my dad and I had hardly known each other before I moved in with him halfway through my junior year of high school, we had grown close during that year and a half I lived with him. Most of the money I had managed to save during college and medical school was spent on traveling home to see him. My mom constantly questioned why I made her go to Forks if she ever wanted to see me when she thought I should prefer to go to Florida to visit her and my step-father, Phil. I loved my mom very much and she was an important part of my life but neither Phoenix nor Florida ever felt like home to me the way Forks did.

By some weird twist of fate, I ended up in Seattle instead of Forks as I had planned. Northwest Hospital was near the top of my request list but I had been so certain that I would be assigned to my top pick, Forks Community Hospital that I put little to no thought into the rest of the hospitals I listed. Forks wasn't exactly a popular choice for other members of my graduating class. When I ran into Gregory that morning I wondered briefly if he had anything to do with my being there. But, during our encounter in the stairwell he informed me he was pleasantly surprised when he found out we would be working together.

My thoughts were streaming all over the place and I found concentrating on the scene unfolding in front of me extremely difficult. I studied the topaz eyes that were watching me with so much intensity and wondering. He seemed almost afraid at what my reaction would be to seeing him again. Gregory whimpered and drew my attention back to him. He was obviously very frightened and I could not help the smirk that crept onto my face at the sight. Just seconds before I had been in his place. I would be lying if I tried to say I did not find a small sense of satisfaction in watching him suffer. But I knew his life would not end in this stairwell. His captor would turn him over to the authorities and I would be subjected to the horrors of being a victim. The thought brought a new round of tears to my eyes. Maybe dying was a better alternative.

"Bella, what do you want me to do with him?" The velvety voice was asking me but I doubted he would give me what I really wanted. Of course, I also knew that guilt would accompany me for the rest of my life if I allowed Gregory to be killed.

"I never want to see him again but I don't want to have to deal with the repercussions of his actions either. I will let you decide what is best. I trust your judgment." With those words I turned back to the door and left. I walked back into the throng of people meandering their way through the maze of corridors and headed toward the parking garage, my first day as a resident was behind me. Tomorrow had to better.

With a book in my lap and a cup of hot tea at my side, I curled up on my new sofa to enjoy a nice relaxing evening. I figured I deserved a little down time after the events of the day. This was the first night in months that I allowed myself such luxury. My nights and weekends typically consisted of studying medical journals at my dining room table trying to keep up with the latest developments and technological advances. Tonight, however, I was going to get lost in Jane Austen's world. _Mansfield Park_ was the only one of her novels that I had not read and I was excited to finally have the opportunity to do so. A loud knock on my door disturbed my revere. I sighed and got up to find out the identity of my intruder. Immediately after opening the door, I regretted it. The topaz eyes that met mine from the other side were even more unwelcomed now that I was not in any danger. My first response was to slam the door in his face but his foot caught it and pushed it open again. So, I did the mature thing and ignored his presence. Walking back into my living room, I resumed what I had been doing without giving my uninvited guest a second glance.

Much to my surprise, he simply sat down next to me and began reading one of the medical journals that was on my coffee table. I refused to give into temptation and ask him what the hell he was doing in my home but I was no longer able to focus on reading. This infuriated me so I got up and went to the bathroom to take a nice long relaxing bath hoping he would leave while I was thus occupied. When I finished, I decided not to go back into the living area to find out if my visitor was still lurking there and headed straight to bed. Certainly, he would be gone by the time I awoke.

Scents of a hot breakfast brought me back to reality and out of the dream I was having. I stumbled into the kitchen and was shocked to find a vampire cooking me a complete meal. There were scrambled eggs, fried eggs, biscuits, toast, sausage, bacon, ham and orange juice all laid out on the table. I wondered if he really expected me to eat all of this. My eyes avoided his though because I did not want to look forward to the possibility of having any member of his family become a part of my life after they all abruptly left me nine years earlier. I did not want to hear excuses for the rejection supposedly fueled by their self-sacrificing justifications. I knew if they had loved me enough – if _he_ had loved me enough – they would have stayed. The silence was consuming us but I would not be the one to break it. I had nothing to say to him anyway.

"I wasn't sure exactly what you liked so I made a little of everything." His hopeful expression almost crumpled my resolve.

I sat down at the table and opened the paper before I started shoveling things onto my plate. The truth was that the food looked and smelled delicious and I was starving. The last thing I had eaten was a bowl of cereal the morning before. I was also aware that I did not have all of this food stocked in my kitchen. The fact that a vampire had not only cooked this amazing meal but had gone to a grocery store and purchased all the items first was a very perplexing thought indeed. And I was curious as to why he was going through so much trouble to be nice to a human; a human with abandonment issues thanks to him and his family. No bitterness here, nope.

The paper had only a few interesting articles to keep my mind occupied while I ate. My visitor sat on the other side of the table and watched me without a word. His attentions made me self-conscious as he was seemingly entranced with me stuffing my face in a very unladylike fashion. This was going to be a long morning. After I finished filling my stomach to its utmost capacity, I headed to my bathroom to take a shower and get ready for another long day. Luckily, since I was just starting my first week, I would have normal hours for now. I fully expected to be thrown into the fire after a brief period of acclimation. My first day had been filled with paperwork, tours, introductions and a death threat. Every new resident had met his or her attending physician except for me. Apparently, my mentor was not available to meet me then and had requested the honor of introducing himself so I was not even provided with a name.

"Isabella, may I drive you to work this morning?" His voice startled me. When I walked back out of my room I had not seen him and assumed he left. Apparently, he had been in the kitchen cleaning the dishes from this morning.

"Um…I guess that would be fine." I tried to think of a reason to turn down his offer but I hated riding the bus and I had not yet purchased another car after the demise of my old truck two weeks ago. So, I accepted his offer and promised myself I would go car shopping that evening.

"Thank you." He was thanking me? I guess I couldn't really blame him for being so old fashioned. He had been raised in a completely different time.

"You and I don't have to be friends or talk or whatever." Great, now I was rambling. "Just because we work at the same hospital doesn't mean you have to talk to me or anything. Really, I would understand." I just could not make my mouth stop moving and spitting out words.

"I do not wish to pretend we do not have a past, Isabella. Please, allow me to be your friend at the very least." He sounded so sincere. But I knew first hand how adept his whole family was at lying. It was part of their existence and essential in keeping their secret.

"Maybe it would be best if we were not friends. I'm sure that we will be forced to work together and I promise to remain civil." The irony of this conversation was certainly not lost on me. Only last time it was the vampire telling the human that friendship was not in either of their best interest. I had been too fragile and he had but one rule to obey.

"I sincerely hope you will reconsider." As he said this we pulled into the parking garage of the hospital. We walked in and I immediately headed to the residents' locker room. I noticed that Gregory's locker was open and empty. I wondered if he left voluntarily and if he would be given another residency where he would be able to attack another unsuspecting female. Maybe I should have requested his death. The thought that he might hurt someone else had not crossed my mind until just now. He claimed that he loved me and my rejection was too much for him to bear. He would not allow someone else the pleasure I denied him. I shivered as the memory of what happened in the stairwell replayed in my mind. At least working next to a vampire helped me feel safe. Even if I never spoke to him again he would never permit anyone to hurt me. Of that I was certain. Of course I would have to ask him about Gregory's potential to repeat his actions from yesterday.

My second day was filled with more paperwork and more introductions. Nametags were my friends. After lunch I was instructed to go to one of the conference rooms to meet my attending. I sighed as I walked away from the group of residents who were heading to observe a complicated surgery. I hated to miss out on that but I was anxious to see who would hold my career in his hands for the next four or so years. Gaining his respect was essential to my future as a doctor. One mistake and he could banish me from the world of medicine forever. I had heard enough horror stories throughout school to know that a residency was tough enough without having to worry about getting a decent referral. My mind was thus occupied when I walked into the room and came face to face with the licensed physician I would be working under. I'm sure my jaw hit the floor. Suddenly, the reason I had been assigned to Northwest rather than Forks Community Hospital became very clear. Thank you, Cullen family for once again determining what was best for my life and making decisions on behalf. Welcome back to hell, Isabella Swan.

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**A/N:** Thanks so much for reading this crazy first chapter. I know it's a pretty ambiguous but it's meant to be. I would love to hear theories regarding which Cullen man is currently wreaking havoc in our dear Bella's life. I think one of them is easily eliminated, maybe two, but I'm curious how obvious I've made it.

**Warning:** This is not a Bella/Jacob story. He will actually play a small part in thrusting Bella into the arms of his enemy though. Silly wolf-boy.

Reviews - good, bad or indifferent - are very appreciated!


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer**: Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended.

**A/N**: We get to find out who is encroaching on Bella's life in this chapter. I want to put it out there that I have never been to medical school or but I do know some who have. If my terminology is inaccurate I apologize and ask you to just ignore it :-)

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"There is more to marriage than just being in love, mom. You of all people should understand that. And I do love him. Maybe it isn't the all consuming love you feel with Phil but that doesn't make it any less real." I instantly regretted telling Renee about my plans for the future. She should not have asked if she did not want to hear the answer.

"Sweetie, I know you love him and that he's your best friend but you deserve the fairy tale complete with the happy ending." She was whining and her voice was giving me a headache. As I searched for some Advil I huffed out a response.

"I had that kind of love once and look where it got me. I ended up lost in the woods for twelve horrible hours and zombie-fied for several months. That is not an experience I want to open myself up for again." Ugh! My head was really starting to hurt.

"Isabella Swan, you cannot let one bad experience in high school dictate the rest of your life." She was really annoying me with her motherly attitude. Since when did she have any maternal instincts? I truly needed to get off the phone before I said anything I would later regret.

"Mom, I need to go make dinner. I'll call you in a few days, okay?" At least she had Phil to vent to after this. I had no one. Angela and Ben had been married three years and were practically unreachable as they traveled the globe helping others. I admired their humanitarian efforts but I really missed Angela. There was no way I could talk to Jake about this because he would just get upset that Renee was trying to talk me out of 'settling' and accepting his proposal. That certainly was not how I wanted to tell him about my decision either. I had to go lay down to get rid of this horrible ache in my head.

Heavy pounding woke me from my nap. Damn it, the light coming through my window made my head hurt even more. Wait, the sun was going down when I laid down so why is it still so bright out? More heavy pounding and I realized it was coming from my front door. My head was throbbing too painfully to move. If I got up I would most definitely need to rush to the bathroom. Not something I wanted to do. I groaned in agony in an effort to reduce the pain vocally. Another knock on my door and I was about ready to explode. Why was the person being so insistent? I moaned again and put my pillow over my head to block out the noise and the light, but it didn't help and I made it to bathroom just in time. I had never had a headache this bad before. My medical training kicked in and I started trying to diagnosis my symptoms. Likely, I just had a migraine, but my mind raced with all other possibilities no matter how minuscule they might be. One bad thing about studying medicine is that you know the worst possible scenarios for every malady.

Cool hands on my neck startled me. Without a word I was helped back to bed and a cool washcloth was placed over my eyes. I would have to remember to thank him when it didn't hurt too much to talk. I could hear the water dripping in the bathroom sink and I grimaced at the noise. My reaction must not have gone unnoticed because it stopped after just a moment. Reluctantly, I peeked at the clock on my bedside table. It read 8:20 but I knew from the light coming in from my window it was not night time. That meant I had slept through the evening and all night. I was now twenty minutes late reporting to the hospital. This was not a good way to start my third day there. A few minutes after lying down I was handed two pills and a glass of water. I took the pills without question and settled back into my bed. After about fifteen minutes the pain started to ease. I could still feel his weight on the side of my bed so I chanced asking the one question that mattered most to me in that moment.

"Did you come here to let me know I no longer have a job?" My voice was barely even a whisper but I knew that he would hear me.

"No, I was worried when you were not there and rushed over here to check on you." He spoke softly into my ear. His close proximity probably should have bothered me but I was just grateful for his presence. I was tired of feeling so alone.

"Thank you." I did not know what else to say.

"You do not have to thank me. The least I can do is take care of you now and hope that you will one day find a way to forgive me for allowing my family to dessert you all those years ago. For what it is worth, I am truly sorry for that." His sincerity was undeniable but I was still not ready to trust him again. "Are you feeling any better?"

"Yes, the pain is becoming bearable. I guess I really should get to work before I do get fired." I tried to lift my head but the rush of pain sent it right back to my pillow. "Or maybe I'll just stay here forever." I was complaining more because of the incapacitation than the pain. I hated feeling like I could not take care of myself and that feeling was compounded by the fact that someone was witnessing my weakness.

"I am the only one who has the authority to fire you and I have no such intentions. Your job is quite safe, I assure you. Please rest for a little while longer. I will step into the next room and check in at the hospital." He remained with me for the rest of the day and took heed of my every need.

"You're really starting to spoil me, Dr. Cullen." I laughed, trying to break a moment of tension after he brought me homemade chicken noodle soup. His hand accidently brushed my chest as he reached over to place the tray of food on my lap. That night I broached the subject of Gregory for what I hoped would be the last time.

"I hate to even bring this up but I worry about him hurting others. You don't have to tell me exactly what happened but I need assurance that he won't attack another woman." I searched his darkened eyes for answers and wondered how long it had been since he last hunted. I certainly did not need the added stress of worrying about whether or not I would become a midnight snack.

"Please let me assure you that Gregory will never take such liberties again. He is being closely monitored just in case, however, so there is no need for you to give him another thought." He patted my hand gently and I smiled tentatively back at him.

"Thank you." My curiosity demanded I get the details but I fought the urge to ask. Deep down, I knew I really did not want to know.

"Anything for you, Bella."

Two days later I was allowed to return to work but the questioning stares and gossip from the other residents was enough to make me wish I could disappear. If I had been anyone else, I would have been kicked out of the residency program. No one missed work during the first year and kept his or her job. It was just unheard of and the rumors as to why I was still there were running rampant. I heard all sorts of theories ranging from I was sleeping with the Chief Resident to I was related to a member of the Board. Part of me was ready to give up; I wanted to flea back home to Charlie and the comfort of Forks. But I was way too stubborn to run away. I was contemplating my options when I felt his presence behind me. I hated how aware I was of his presence.

"Just ignore them. They'll forget all about it in a couple of days." His intuitiveness was impressive.

"How can you be so sure?" I was extremely doubtful that this would all blow over so quickly. The other residents were watching my every move and interaction. They wanted to find out whether or not befriending me would entitle them the same special treatment. I loathed the idea of anyone thinking I did not earn my position or that I was given anything. I worked hard and I wanted the respect I deserved. Maybe I should request a transfer to another hospital.

"I have a way of knowing these things." He winked at me before walking away. I knew what _way_ he was alluding to but I refused to consider the ramifications of his words.

The rest of the day flew by in a foggy haze and I was heading to the bus stop after work, ready to start a nice relaxing weekend. Next week, would begin the hell that is the life of a resident physician. There would be no such thing as regular hours, sleeping for eight hour stretches, or breaks. We would be thrown into the deep end to sink or swim and battle for the chance to prove ourselves worthy to be called doctor. Even though we were technically doctors already – we had our PhD's and had practiced medicine as interns – in the eyes of the hospital staff and patients we were still students. Attendings tested us at every available opportunity and relished in pointing out our mistakes. We gave them a sense of superiority and they never missed a chance to put us in our place. They were the experts, we were the novices. Nothing happened without a licensed physician's approval. We did all the work and they got all the glory. Dr. Cullen was the only exception. The residents flocked to him for his patience and abundant knowledge.

In a month I would start my surgical rotation. That was not exactly something I was looking forward to but I was anxious to show myself that I could handle the sight and smell of blood as long as I focused on the life I was helping. The thought of saving someone's son, brother, father, daughter, sister, mother, and friend was what enabled me to get past my squeamish tendencies. Jacob had taught me to concentrate on the person rather than on the things that repulsed me. I really needed to call him and let him know how my first week had gone. He was most undoubtedly upset that I had not called him already. It was the thought of telling him the identity of my attending physician that prevented me from doing so. He might ask and I would not lie to him – I could not lie to him. He knew me too well for me to get away with it. I would have to tell him and deal with the repercussions. An angry Jacob was terrifying even if he was hundreds of miles away. Maybe that call could wait until tomorrow.

The sound of a car horn pulled me from my reverie. I looked up at a black Mercedes with darkly tinted windows. The passenger door opened and I hopped in quickly hoping no one noticed who was driving. The last thing I needed was more rumors staring myself going around the hospital. Carlisle noticed my distress and assured me he checked the vicinity before stopping. His attentions were really starting to bother me. He had yet to mention any other family member and that was odd for him. Carlisle adored his family and I kept expecting him to tell me all the reasons Edward deserved my forgiveness. I assumed he would mention them if and when he thought I was ready to discuss them. But, his next words made me even more curious about his intentions.

"Do you mind if we make a stop at my place before I take you home?" He almost seemed nervous. I wondered if he was trying to force his family on me. That, however, did not feel like something Carlisle would do and he had never given me any reason not to trust him so I nodded. A few minutes later we pulled into a parking garage for a large building and I could not hide my confusion. The thought of the Cullens living in a condo was a difficult one to wrap my mind around.

He was out of the car and opening the passenger door within seconds. He smiled broadly as he helped me out of the car and led me to the elevator. This was so surreal. During the time Edward and I had dated I thought of Carlisle as family. Even though he portrayed the father figure I never really saw him as filling that role for me. He just looked too young. The feelings that were coursing through me now were hard to decipher as they jumped all over the place. Mostly, I was befuddled. I had no idea what he thought of me after all these years. I was pretty sure that he was the reason I was assigned to Northwest but his motivations for doing something like that were beyond my comprehension. The elevator dinged and we stepped out onto the top floor.

"The penthouse, of course, I should have guessed as much." I watched as he opened the door and ushered me into the most beautiful apartment I had ever seen. Mine was nice but had nothing on this one. The entryway opened up to a large room lined with floor to ceiling windows all across the back. Everything was so open. From the front of the condo I could see through the living room to the kitchen and dining area. "It's beautiful." I whispered in a state of awe.

"I'm glad you like it." He smiled a beautiful wide smile and I felt my knees shake a little. I looked around for any evidence of the other members of his family but this was all Carlisle. "Allow me to give you a tour?"

I nodded before he led me through the rooms I could already see then off to the right. Behind a large ornate wooden door was his study. It was set up much like the one in Forks. I practically drooled over all the books he had resting on tall book shelves that took up two of the walls. This room also had a wall of windows with a view of the Olympic Mountains. Next, we walked into room that was to the left of the kitchen. I stopped short when I realized he was showing me his bedroom. Well, I supposed it could still be called a bedroom even though he never slept and the room did not contain a bed. I thought back to the house they had before and remembered that the rooms of all except Edward had contained beds. This brought me back to wondering where the rest of the Cullen family was living. Obviously, it was not here.

"Um, Carlisle?"

"Yes, Bella?"

"Where is the rest of your family?" I suddenly had to know.

"Well, Alice and Jasper are off in Brazil somewhere and Emmett and Rose are living in a small town between here and Forks. We tend to separate a little every few years. This has been one of the longest stretches we have gone living apart but the kids keep in touch, especially Alice." He left out the two I was most curious about. I was hesitant to ask and he must have read my expression well because he continued after a few moments. "Edward and I have not spoken in over six years although he does contact Alice from time to time so I have indirect knowledge of how he is doing. Esme is a discussion for another time. It is getting late and I should get you home. You must be getting hungry." He placed his hand on my lower back as we walked toward the door. I gasped at the shock that passed through his touch into my body.

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**End Notes**: Please let me know what you think about Carlisle's presence and where you think this story is going.

Thanks for reading!


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

Vertigo

The next morning I took a deep breath and dialed an all too familiar number to make the call I had been putting off since my encounter in the stairwell. I knew what his reaction would be and I dreaded causing him so much anxiety. The phone rang three times before Jake's gruff voice answered. Just hearing him say hello relaxed me exponentially and I sighed in relief. He was my rock, my pillar of strength and I had missed him. We had not seen each other in almost three weeks. He insisted on helping me move into my new apartment and get everything arranged just how I wanted it. He even kept me company for a week before he headed home.

"Hey Jake, how've you been?" I could almost feel his excitement radiating through the phone. I planned on driving down to visit Charlie in a few weeks but I honestly was more eager about seeing Jake.

"Bells? Is that you? It has been so long since I've heard your voice." He was giving me a hard time just as I expected.

"Ha-ha, Jake, you are just too funny. You knew I would be busy this first week so I thought you would be more understanding. Obviously, I was wrong." Our typical banter calmed me further and I craved the serenity being wrapped in his arms could bring.

"Sure, sure. I just missed you. I was hoping to hear from you even though I knew it was unlikely. How was your first week, Miss Big Time Doctor?" His happiness was contagious as always. I closed my eyes and tried to picture him sitting in his living room talking to me. I knew he would have that goofy grin on his face that he reserved just for me.

"I've missed you too. I can't wait until I can get down there. I'm planning on the weekend after next if that works for you." I held to the hope that I could get two days away from the hospital. His screeching response had me pulling the phone away from my ear. He was definitely excited. I was nervous. My plan was to let him know he needed to ask me to marry him again and then say 'yes' when he did. I wondered if he would go out of his way to make this time even more special than the last hundred times he had asked. His persistence was finally going to be rewarded. Carlisle's face flashed in my mind and I suddenly felt a wave of guilt. Where did that come from?

"Well, I'll have to move a few things around, cancel a few dates, but I think I can squeeze in a couple of hours for you." Jake was joking; I knew that, but the twinge of jealously still shot through me.

"Jacob Black, you better not have given up on me yet." Yikes, I hadn't meant to give him any indication that I decided I wanted a future with him. We still had four years to get through before we could be together. Would he wait that much longer? He couldn't exactly pick up and move here since his pack relied on him. I doubted the tribal elders would sit back and watch him leave. His life was in La Push. I had accepted that already. I just wished the sun would make an appearance there more often.

"Bella Swan, you better quit getting my hopes up or I'll have to plan another grand romantic gesture to make you endure." He thought I was teasing him.

"So, what have you been up to since leaving me here?" I needed to change the topic before I spilled the beans.

The conversation continued for about a half hour before Jake returned to the topic of my first week. I danced around the topics I wished to avoid but he quickly caught on to my deception and called me out on it.

"Bella, what aren't you telling me?" He knew me too damn well.

"Some things are left unsaid, especially things that will only upset the one person on this earth I cannot stand the thought of hurting anymore than I have already." I was pleading but I was pretty certain he would not let this go any time soon.

"I'll make you a deal. If you promise to tell me every single detail it can wait until we see each other in person. I have a feeling this is a conversation best had face-to-face."

"Deal!" I did not hesitate to take the chance to put this off for as long as possible. I was not naïve enough to believe he would forget all about it, but a girl could dream. We said our goodbyes and I was suddenly glad to have that call out of the way. I had been so nervous it was consuming my every thought. Now, I had the rest of weekend ahead of me and nothing to occupy my time. I hadn't been able to think past talking to Jake so I had not made any plans. I sighed as I got up and headed to the kitchen to make something to eat for lunch.

A few minutes later I settled in front of the television with a hot grilled cheese and tomato sandwich. I aimlessly flipped through the channels amazed that there was nothing I wanted to watch among the hundreds of choices. Giving up on finding anything interesting I got up to browse my limited movie collection. I decided to put in the A&E version of _Pride and Prejudice_. There was simply no better way to get through almost six hours of my empty day. By the time the movie ended it would be time to make dinner. Satisfied with my plans, I settled onto the couch with a blanket and pressed play on the remote. Before the opening credits even started, I was startled by a knock on my door. I momentarily calculated whether or not Jacob could have possibly driven here after our phone conversation quickly realized that was impossible. I had just gotten off the phone with him less than two hours before. I reluctantly got up from my comfortable spot on the couch and peered through the peep hole. The blonde hair and topaz eyes brought an unexpected smile to my face. Was I really so lonely that I so readily welcomed another vampire into my life?

I opened the door and found an apprehensive Carlisle waiting on my door step. His nervous expression worried me. There was not much I could think of that had the capability to frazzle a vampire. He held out a small bouquet of white, long stemmed cala lilies and his lips curled into an uncertain smile. Certainly, Carlisle was not so apprehensive because of me. That would just be silly. I ushered him in and went to the kitchen to grab a vase for the flowers. When I turned back toward the living room I found Carlisle pacing across the length of the room.

"Keep that up and you're going to have to replace my carpet." I teased to try to lighten the tense atmosphere that had formed once he stepped into my apartment. I wondered again why he was acting so strangely. Carlisle was always so calm and collected. "Is something wrong?" My curiosity forced me to ask when his demeanor did not change.

"Yes, no, I don't know. I just missed you and I was concerned about interrupting your weekend." He laughed softly. His eyes darted in every direction but never met mine. I decided to put an end to his apparent misery.

"Thank you for coming over. I could really use the company. Trust me, you are not interrupting anything. I was actually desperately trying to find ways to fill my time." I smiled encouragingly and was delighted when he returned my smile. I guessed I would never get used to seeing a vampire smile as I shook my head to clear it after I realized I was staring relentlessly. Stupid vamps and their stupid ability to mesmerize their intended prey.

"I'm glad I came then. I hat the thought of you ever feeling lonely, Isabella." His smile brightened and I was caught in his gaze. His eyes were lighter today than I ever remember seeing them before and the color was a beautiful butterscotch that I could get lost in for hours and probably never get bored.

"I'm glad you came too but I have no idea how to entertain a vampire." I laughed then at the thought of playing hostess for someone who has likely seen and done more than I could ever imagine.

"Isabella, may I take you somewhere?" His nervousness was back in full force. I was too focused on him using my full name effected me. Typically, it bothered me because only my mother called me Isabella and that was usually when I was in trouble. Carlisle saying it, however, almost seemed intimate and I liked it. My cheeks heated with that thought and I saw Carlisle's expression change to confusion as he took in the deep blush on my face. His notice only made the color deepen. "I'm sorry; I did not mean to embarrass you. I promise no one from the hospital will see us."

Thank goodness, he thought I was concerned about the damage to my reputation and I would allow him to continue to think just that. Once he mentioned it, I realized the notion would have worried me after I recovered from the shock and was able to think coherently again. This was going to be an interesting day to say the least but I was unwilling to let my guard down around him or any other member of his family should we come in contact with them. The hole that was ripped in my chest the day Edward left was still very much a part of me even though I was long over the fantasy that he would ever come back to me. No, I was no longer the foolish teenager that believed in true, never-ending love. But, I was still very much affected by the total rejection of the one who I had given the potential to tear me to pieces. And he did. That's why I was going to commit my life to Jacob. He was safe. He loved me unconditionally and was not afraid to do so. Jake would never abandon me. I needed that feeling of security and I was going to take it.

"Bella?" Carlisle called me from my revere and I realized I had not answered his question.

"Sorry, of course, I would love to spend the day with you. Let me just grab my jacket." I headed to my room and debated whether or not I should change. I had dressed with no intention of leaving my home so I was wearing a comfy pair of jeans and a long sleeved t-shirt that was tighter than anything I normally wore out. Ultimately, I assumed Carlisle would have suggested a different outfit if he deemed my attire inappropriate for wherever he we were going this afternoon. My heart raced at the thought of spending the entire day alone with Carlisle. My emotions were all over the place these days and I wondered if the stress of my chosen profession was finally starting to get to me. At least I would have the opportunity to recover a little when I went home in a couple of weeks.

We drove for almost an hour in comfortable silence before Carlisle turned onto an old gravel road that looked as if it had not been used in years. I looked over at Carlisle quizzically and he just laughed at my expression. I huffed a little, in a very mature fashion, and crossed my arms over my chest in exasperation. He knew I hated surprises. Not too long after we turned onto the road, the sun glistening off a body of water could be seen in the distance. As we came closer a large house on the edge of the water came into view. Carlisle agilely pulled the car into the driveway and made it to my side of the car before my hand could even reach the door handle. He reached in for my hand and helped me from the car. As he led me into the house I was speechless. The view was amazing and the house was lovely.

"I haven't used this home in almost a century. It's the one of the few places I own that no one else knows about. I, unfortunately, always felt the need to keep a few things to myself. Now, I'm extremely glad I did." He did not let go of my hand as he led me into the entrance of the home. I was surprised to see vases of fresh flowers and a total absence of dust. He must have had someone come out and prepare for our visit. This thought made me ponder how long he had been planning on bringing me here.

"It's a lovely place, Carlisle. And the view is remarkable." I slipped my hand from his and began to explore my surroundings. Like the Cullen home in Forks, the entire back of the house was windows. They gave the illusion of the house extending right into the water. I followed Carlisle as he gave me a tour of the rest of the place. Every room was immaculate and tastefully decorated although I could tell Esme had nothing to do with the décor. This was most definitely an extension of Carlisle's personality and it was stunning in its simplicity.

"I'm very glad you like it, Isabella. I wanted to bring you somewhere away from the pressure of the hospital and the city. I know you have been through a lot these past few weeks and some of that has been because of my presence. But I cannot be sorry that we are friends once more." He clasped my hand in his and squeezed gently. The look in his eyes startled me and I had to look away from its intensity. This was all so confusing.

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**A/N:** The lake and house Carlisle takes Bella to is completely from my imagination. I have never been to Seattle so I have not idea if such a place is even feasible. If not, just chalk it up to literary license being utilized here :-)

Please let me know what you thought about this chapter and what you think could/should happen. How is this thing with Jake going to turn out? Umm....

Thank you everyone for reading this little story of mine!


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer**: SM owns Twilight, not me.

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Carlisle and I spent the rest of the day occupied in various activities that were obviously chosen to keep my mind completely distracted. I was totally grateful for the escape. Carlisle touched me twelve times throughout the day. Every one was completely innocent and most were to catch me after each time I tripped and nearly fell. My heart worked diligently to ignore the spark I felt every instance our skin connected. As the sun dipped into the sky, Carlisle left me at my door with a gentle kiss on my hand and words of desire to spend more time together outside of the hospital whispered in my ear. My heart skittered in my chest and I caught a small satisfied smirk on his face before he turned away.

That night I tried to force all the bewilderment and confusion into the back recesses of my mind. Carlisle and I were becoming fast friends and I was uncertain how I felt about befriending another Cullen. The last time had left me devastated. They had simply vanished from my life with little explanation. I got that Edward did not want me anymore. That had not surprised me. What had astounded me was that the rest of his family apparently got tired of me as well. At least Edward had taken the time to say goodbye. Even if he did break my heart in to a million pieces and leave me with a long road to traverse before I could feel halfway normal again.

Now, here I was letting another one of them in and granting him the ability to hurt me. The thought scared and thrilled me all at the same time. Being with Carlisle and feeling the coolness of his skin was tantalizing. But, this time, it could not last. Jacob would never allow me to continue this friendship once he and I were officially together. And I could not keep it from him much longer. He had a way of knowing when I was hiding something. I owed Jacob far too much to ever think of lying to him or doing anything that I knew would hurt him. Explaining the incident on the stairwell was going to be difficult enough. He would insist that I come back to Forks immediately and I was going to have to deny his request. Things between us would be tense enough without adding vampires friends to the mix.

I was exhausted emotionally and physically. The bed welcomed me with open arms and I fell asleep quickly. The dreams created by my subconscious had me even more perplexed than ever, however, and my unease from the day before returned ten fold. Jacob and Carlisle had been fighting over me but I could not decide who to support. When the epic battle was over I was torn between aiding one injured male over the other. My lack of action resulted in both of them suffering. The thought of hurting either of them made my heart ache. I needed a distraction. Today, a movie would not be enough. I briefly wished Alice were around to take me shopping. A day with her would definitely keep me too busy to think about the men in my life. My hand hovered over the phone as I debated calling Carlisle to see if he would be willing to give me her number. Just talking to her might be enough to get my mind out of the depths of destruction it seemed to keep retreating into.

Just as I was decided, the phone rang causing me to jump slightly. The number displayed on the caller id was unfamiliar but I answered it anyway knowing it could be someone from the hospital. Even though I was not on call, there was still the possibility of being summoned if they found themselves short staffed. I answered on the third ring using a professional greeting just in case. A beautiful tinkling laughter filled my ears.

"You sound so formal, Bella, or should I say Dr. Swan?" She giggled again causing the tension to seep out of my tired muscles. An involuntary smile crossed my face. Yep, Alice was exactly who I needed to get me through this rough patch.

"Alice?" I knew who it was without a shadow of doubt but she did not have to know that. Despite my improved mood, I was still very upset with the little pixie. She had, after all, deserted me in my hour of need all those years ago. She had been my best friend and I had needed her. If Jacob had not been there, I probably would never have recovered from the loss of Edward and his family. Losing my love and my closest friend all in one day almost killed me. Poor Charlie was at a loss when it came to how to help me out of the catatonic state I was in for the week after I was dumped in the woods. He had even resorted to calling Renee to come take me to live with her in Florida. I knew that was the last thing he ever wanted to do but I had left him with no other options.

No, I would not go down that road again. My life was on track and I was not going to let anyone take that away from me. Especially, not a Cullen. Alice must have sensed my anxiety because she started calling my name in a desperate tone.

"I'm here, Alice. Just got caught up in my thoughts for a second."

"Bella, can I come over?"

"Are you in Seattle?"

"Yes. We've been here for a few days but I knew I had to wait until you were ready to see me again. I know we hurt you when we left and I can't tell you how sorry I am about that. Somehow, at the time, it seemed like the right thing. I'm so sorry, Bella. Please believe that I have missed you every moment of our separation and that I love you still." She finished her rant and remained silent, waiting for me to say something. I struggled to find the anger I had held onto for the last nine years. She did not deserve my forgiveness but she had it unconditionally.

"Just get your tiny butt over here before I change my mind."

A few seconds later there was a knock on my door. Damn her psychic abilities. A huge smile took up residence on my face even though I tried to keep my expression blank. There was no denying I missed that girl. She was standing on the other side of my door, probably bouncing, waiting for me. Alice would look exactly as she had, she would be completely unchanged. Would we still even get along? I was no longer an eighteen year old teenager. I was a twenty six year old woman. How could she and I still have anything in common?

"Quit fidgeting in there and open this door before I break it down! We are going to be friends again, Bella. Stop worrying so much." She probably really would come barreling through if I did not let her in soon. My hand shook as I reached for the deadbolt. As soon as the lock was unlatched, I found myself enclosed in her hard embrace. She was trembling with emotion. There was no doubt in my mind that if she could, she would be crying. With that thought I realized I _was_ crying. Whether from joy or fear I was uncertain. My life was once more irrevocably altered. Suddenly, I craved the comfort and safety of Jake's arms. He was my pillar of strength and he was the only one who truly understood every aspect of me. Even Alice could not make that claim. She did not know the person I had become and how hard I had fought to get here.

"Wow, Bella! You are so beautiful!" Alice was gushing over me and I wondered what she was hiding.

"Alice, quit acting like you can't 'see' me anytime you want."

"I know, it's different in real life though. I've just missed you so much and I'm so worried that once the shock wears off you'll throw me out or something. You have no idea how hard it was for me to leave. I wish I had never listened to my stupid brother." Alice pulled me to her again and squeezed me just a little too hard. I decided to let go of some of the anger I harbored for so long. At the end of the day, there was no way to undo what was done and I could either accept her apology or I could continue to hold a grudge. Since she was here, I figured I might as well enjoy our time together.

Alice seemed determined to close the gap the years apart had created. As she rummaged through my closet she began asking me question after question about what had happened since the last time we had seen each other. She carefully avoided any subject that concerned Edward or any other that might bring up their sudden departure from Forks. I knew this was deliberate but I was glad. I had no desire to rehash that time in my life. That route was always treacherous and left me hollow inside each time it appeared. Alice was supposed to keep my thoughts away from the dark places.

As expected, we spent the entire day shopping. I had to beg to take a lunch break and I thought she was going growl each time I needed to use the bathroom. She was relentless and determined. No matter how many times I refused, she continued to fill shopping bags of clothes for me. At least she was choosing things I would actually wear. That was different. She used to stock my closet full of things I never wore. Although she did insist on spending a fortune on intimate items that I was baffled by but refused to ruin our good time by arguing with her. I knew it was pointless anyway. Alice always got her way.

We finally returned to my apartment around nine that evening. Alice headed straight for my bedroom and began putting away all our purchases. I started to panic when I saw some of my favorite clothing items fly across my room and onto my bed. A timid knock on the front door saved me from a total melt down when I saw my old sweats join the ever growing pile. I slowly turned away from the source of my anxiety and headed toward the door. I swung it open and was surprised to see Carlisle smiling sheepishly on the other side.

"I thought you might need a little moral support after Alice was finished with you." The shy smile returned to his face and I wondered if he were really as nervous as he seemed. He almost appeared worried about what my reaction would be to his presence. It reminded me of the look he had the first time I saw him at Northwest.

"Thank you for thinking of me. I may need a shoulder to cry on more than anything once she's finished throwing away all my comfort clothes." I tried to smile but I was sure it was not reflected in my eyes.

"Stop overreacting, Bella. You'll thank me for this one day." Alice was shouting from my room without ceasing her movements for even a second. I sighed dramatically and turned my attention back to the handsome man in my living room. I grimaced at the realization that I was attracted to Carlisle.

The inevitable blush from this realization crept up my face and caused Carlisle to look at me quizzically. Alice's laughter drifted in from my bedroom as I fought the urge to cover my face with my hands and run away. But, there was no way I could outrun either of them even if I were graceful and fast. There was no way I was going to explain the reason for my red face though. Thankfully, Carlisle let it go without questioning me and began discussing generic topics. My stomach growled loudly just as my earlier embarrassment was waning causing the reddening to reappear. I frowned at Carlisle's smile and headed into the kitchen to find something light to eat. It was too late to eat a big meal. So, I settled on a bag of microwave popcorn covered in butter and salt. Without asking what either of my visitors wanted to do, I popped in a DVD and sat on the couch. Alice continued her organization mission while Carlisle joined me on the couch.

I must have fallen asleep watching the movie because I awoke the next morning to the harsh sounds of my alarm clock realizing I was snuggled comfortably in my bed. I refused to wonder who exactly had carried me here, especially when I noticed my jeans had been removed and left hanging on the back of the chair in the corner of my room. A quick shower and two pieces of burnt toast later, I was walking out the door to head in for my first 'real' week as a Resident. The black car waiting in my driveway really should not have surprised me but I felt my heart catch and skip a beat at the sight of it anyway. No doubt the driver hidden behind the tinted glass heard my reaction. The next four years were going to be difficult enough without the addition of a stupid, pointless crush on another vampire who would only break my heart in the end if I allowed a relationship to develop between us. Not to mention the fact that this one had a mate. The love he and Esme shared when I knew them was unbreakable. Just because they were not living together and he never mentioned her did not mean much as far as I was concerned.

"I know I told you I would tell you about Esme and I know I should explain her obvious absence but the appropriate time and place never seem to present themselves." Once again I marveled at his ability to seemingly read my mind. I restrained myself from interrupting as he continued. "Please be patient with me and believe that I am not trying to avoid being absolutely honest and open with you, Isabella." His words confused me more than ever.

"Carlisle, you do not owe me an explanation." My words contradicted how much I really did want to know every detail of all the Cullens since I had last seen them but I had no right to demand anything from Carlisle. He had been nothing but good to me since our reunion the week before.

"Isabella, I do. If you and I are truly going to be friends then I feel I should let you know what happened after we left Forks. I suppose, one day, my reasoning will make more sense." He turned his focus away from me and I left him to his thoughts. The Cullen family and their cryptic way of speaking had always annoyed me. He had used my full name twice since we left my driveway and I was really working on not letting the flutter the sound of it caused in my chest get to me. I wondered if he was conscious of the effect saying it had on me. He could certainly hear it.

We made it to the parking garage without saying anything further. Carlisle headed straight toward his office without even telling me to have a good day. That was very unlike him. I shrugged before turning to go change into my scrubs. Somehow Carlisle managed to avoid me for the rest of the morning and I was assigned to a temporary team to work with for the day. I tried not to think too much about it and buried myself in the cases as they came into the Emergency Room. At least we were busy, although I knew I should not be happy about all the injured people who needed our care, the day went by rather quickly and I had little time to think about anything other than the tasks at hand.

I watched the clock as five o'clock came and went with no sign of being released for the day. Finally, right before eight thirty, we were told to finish up our charts and head home. I dreaded the thought of waiting for a bus in the dark. Ever since high school, I was afraid to go out alone at night. Considering I had survived two vampire attacks on my life, the fear was a little ridiculous. But, Jake and the pack were not here to guard me and I was shaking as I started walking toward the doors planning to walk as quickly as possible to the bus stop.

"I see you still have no instincts for self-preservation." Carlisle's voice made me jump and turn at the same time. Inevitably, I stumbled over my own feet and watched as the floor got closer and closer to colliding with my face. Two cold, strong arms wrapped around my shoulders and caught me before I became intimately acquainted with the linoleum.

"Thanks." My breath caught as he reached out to push away the hair that escaped from my bun when I tripped. He tucked it behind my ear and allowed his hand to linger on my cheek. I shuddered at his touch as it warmed my skin.

"May I escort you home…?" He hesitated as if he were about to add to his question but stopped himself. I almost laughed at his old fashioned ways. Would he ever catch up to the times? Did I really want him to?

"Yes, thank you. I was honestly dreading going out there alone." I wanted him to know I no longer took my safety lightly. Jacob had worked way too hard to save my life over the years for me to treat it indifferently now. I owed him that much. Thinking of Jake brought me back to reality and I realized I was openly staring at Dr. Cullen. The ER nurses here were notorious for their gossiping skills so I knew I had to watch my every action around here.

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**A/N**: So, this story isn't getting much action in the review department. Please let me know that my efforts are worth it. I don't make money from posting my stories, reviews are the only reward I get. So, please leave me some good reasons to keep these posts coming.

I am truly sorry for the delay in posting this chapter. I wish I had some great excuse but I don't. Bella was simply being quiet and I had to force this one out of her. I think she's a little embarrassed about her feelings for Daddy Cullen :-)


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five

After Dark

Once I was home, I immediately retreated to my bathroom to find solace in the shower. I stood there until the water began to run cold before reluctantly climbing out and wrapping myself in my favorite robe. Luckily, it had escaped Alice's notice since it had been hanging on the back of the bathroom door. I made a cup of tea and snuggled into my couch to call my lifeline. For the first time ever he did not answer my call. At least I only had to wait nine more days until I would get to see Jacob again. That thought was the only thing that kept me from falling apart.

The rest of the week went by without any further incidents and very little contact with either Carlisle or Alice. I tried not to let their absence bother me but I was fuming inside. I had let them back into my life and they were proving all the reasons I should never have let that happen. The busy days were a relief from the long nights where I had way too much idle time to think. Sleep was getting difficult due to the recurring nightmare of Jacob and Carlisle battling in the dark. Each night it varied slightly but it always ended with me on my knees sobbing and unable to decide which one of them I should run to first. Seeing both of them broken and bleeding on either side of a clearing was heartbreaking. Replaying it each night was torturous.

Friday was the longest day yet and I sighed audibly with relief when the Attending in charge finally gave me the okay to go home at a little after eleven. There had been an accident involving a school bus and a charter bus that had flooded the ER just before five. Treating wounded children was always the hardest part of this job. Seeing their faces contort in pair and having to talk to parents was heart wrenching. Luckily, all of my patients survived their injuries and would make full recoveries. The most critical patient of the night was an eight year old boy who suffered from a multitude of internal injuries and he was the last to be pulled from the wreckage. I decided to check on him one last time before heading out. His mother was sitting vigilantly at his side and immediately pulled me into a tight hug when I walked into the room. After several assurances that her son would make a full recovery, I finally made my way to the bus stop. It was the second night this week I was released from duty after the sun had set but there was no sign of a rescue this time.

As I waited, my anxiety grew. I was definitely going to go car shopping before my next shift. I needed one before the next weekend anyway so that I could make the drive to Forks. My exhaustion was starting to take hold. I fought to keep my eyes open and alert. This was not bad area by any means but some crime happened merely due to opportunity and I was waiting alone in the dark for a bus that was unreliable at best. I felt vulnerable and I hated it. Jake had taught me basic self-defense but I was never all that good at staying on my feet long enough to execute any of the moves. He had given up eventually and handed me a can of pepper spray. I reached into my pocket to make sure I had remembered to bring it with me. Just my luck, the bus was late. Ten minutes past its scheduled arrival, I started to panic.

A man approached the bench where I was sitting and I involuntarily tensed. He wore dark jeans with a dark hoodie that was pulled low so that it covered most of his face. I tried not to pay attention to him but he kept fidgeting. He exhibited all the signs of someone in the first stages of withdrawal, I guessed from heroine, and he was slowly making his way closer to me. Once he crossed the line into my personal space, I jumped up with the intent of running back to the hospital and calling a cab. My escape attempt was futile at best. I didn't even make it ten feet before my body was slammed into the cold, hard concrete of the sidewalk. His hands moved toward my purse as mine moved toward my pocket. I never had a chance. His fist came down and darkness soon followed.

I awoke in my own bed. For a moment I was completely content. The events from the night before seemed like a bad dream but when I stretched the pain brought reality crashing down on me. My head throbbed and my joints were stiff. I cried out when I tried to move my neck. Instantly, two marble hands reached to stop my movements and tenderly examine the reason for the pain. Of course, my dam chose that moment to burst and the waterworks began. Carlisle's arms enveloped me as he gently pulled me into him. I inhaled greedily and allowed myself to take comfort in his embrace.

"I'm so sorry I did not get there sooner. I never should have left you alone. I'm so sorry." His apologies were sincere but I failed to understand how he could possibly feel responsible for what happened.

"Carlisle, I'm a big girl and I should have just called a cab rather than wait out there for the stupid bus. I should have replaced my vehicle weeks ago. You can't blame yourself for any of this." My words were muffled because I refused to move away from his chest to speak but I was certain he heard every word. His only response was to tighten his hold on me.

He let me cry until I had no more tears to shed and then he helped me up so that I could soak in a nice warm bath to sooth away the physical pain. As I undressed I assessed my injuries further. There was a large gash on the left side of my face that had been expertly stitched closed, a large bruise on the right side in the shape of a fist, both knees were severely scraped as were the palms of my hands and my whole body ached. I slid into the tub and closed my eyes.

I emerged from my room to find a very concerned vampire pacing my living room. His face jerked up at when I walked in and there was worry evident in his eyes. Relief seemed to wash over him as I flashed him the best smile I could muster.

"I guess some things never change." I always found a way to put myself in harm's way.

"Isabella, you gave me quite a scare last night. I was out hunting when I got a call from a very frantic Alice screaming at me to save you. In all my years of existence I have never been more enraged than I was when I saw that man attacking you." His head fell as he spoke and I could tell that Carlisle struggled with what he was about to tell me. "I almost killed him." He took my hand in his and brought it to his face. He appeared to be lost in thought as he ran my knuckles back and forth across his lips. "I was almost too late."

If a vampire could cry, Carlisle would have been. Without even thinking about it first, I wrapped my arms around him and tried to comfort him the way he had done for me less than an hour before. Whether he was distraught about almost losing control or almost losing me, I could not be sure, but I had a pretty good guess which one bothered him more. The realization that Carlisle cared that much about my wellbeing was a little disconcerting.

That afternoon Carlisle went with me to purchase a new car. There was no way I was riding the bus ever again. I picked out something that was cheap and efficient but Carlisle refused to allow me to buy it. He insisted that I keep looking and encouraged me to get something nicer. Spending money on luxury items was not something that I was used to and it took a lot of convincing to get me to get a brand new Audi TT coupe. At least Carlisle dazzled the sales manager into giving me a really good deal. I just had to make sure I had it paid off before my Residency came to an end. The monthly payments would likely be more than I could comfortably afford once I went to work for the small clinic on the Quileute reservation.

Much to my surprise, I returned home to find Alice and Jasper waiting on my doorstep. I had not seen Jasper since my eighteenth birthday party. For once, I was glad he could sense how I was feeling. There would have been no way to convince him that I had no ill feelings toward him otherwise. Alice beamed at me as Jasper visibly relaxed at her side. Carlisle soon joined us and we spent a nice relaxing evening together. I was actually disappointed when Alice announced it was time for them to leave so that I could get some sleep. Until I walked into my bathroom to get ready for bed and caught a glimpse of my reflection, I had forgotten all about the horrible events of previous night.

Sunday dawned brightly over Seattle and stirred me from my unusually peaceful slumber. I cringed slightly as I got out of bed and felt the lingering effects of being assaulted. I wanted to do something to properly thank Carlisle for saving my life once again, but I could not come up with any good ideas. Everything that came to mind seemed too personal or not personal enough. After my second cup of coffee I was startled by a soft knock on my door.

"I hope I am not interrupting anything. I just wanted to come by and check up on you to make sure everything was still healing appropriately." Carlisle cleaned and rewrapped my more serious wounds before checking the more minor ones. He was pleased with how well my body was healing and assured me I would feel as good as new within a few weeks. He was optimistic about how minimal a scar the cut on my face would leave. I tried to thank him with words but felt stupid by the meagerness of it.

The next week was a little less chaotic than the last and I was thrilled when I was able to leave the hospital right at five on Friday. I still could not believe my luck in getting a Monday through Friday rotation. I had one more reason to be grateful for the vampires in my life. Carlisle and I had worked together more in that week than both of the prior weeks combined and I learned so much more under his tutorage than I had from any of the other Attendings. This day, however, he appeared to go out of his way to ignore me. I wanted to ask him about it but the day ended without even the chance to say hello.

Saturday morning I woke up early and quickly prepared for the long drive ahead. The excitement bubbling inside me kept me occupied the whole way there. I pulled up in front of the familiar house in Forks and smiled when I noticed Charlie peeking through the curtain in the living room window. He met me on the porch and wrapped me in a tight hug. I was delighted how far he had come since I first moved in with him. He was much better at showing affection, especially since he and Sue started dating a few years before. They had helped each other heal after Sue's husband, my dad's close friend, passed away. The relationship grew from friendship to love and I was so glad they had finally acted on those feelings.

As I was putting my duffel bag down in my old room, my phone buzzed in my pocket. Surprised, I quickly grabbed my cell and checked the caller id. Carlisle? That's odd.

"Hi Carlisle, is everything okay?" I was instantly concerned. The only reasons I could think that would make Carlisle call this weekend were all bad. He did not know about my plans with Jacob but he knew I was excited to spend the time with both my dad and my best friend.

"Yes, everything is fine. I just wanted to make sure you made it to Forks without incident."

"Certainly Alice could have told you that information. Are you sure there is nothing else?" I was a little edgy because he would not have called unless it was something important. At least I thought that was the case.

"She is not here at the moment and I did not want to disturb her when I could just as easily pick up the phone and call you. Besides, I would not be able to hear your voice if I asked Alice." His words often confused me. Sometimes he seemed to allude to feelings that went beyond simple friendship. I knew that was ridiculous and I just needed to get used to his old style of speaking.

"Oh, I guess not. Well, I arrived about fifteen minutes ago and the drive was fine. I'm glad to be off the road for now though. I'm spending the evening with Charlie and then going to La Push tomorrow."

"Isabella, may I ask you a favor."

"Of course, Carlisle, anything." I would soon regret such an open promise.

"Would you mind limiting your time in La Push? I've recently learned that there are some younger wolves that have only recently starting phasing and I am concerned about their control." His words really should not have angered me. But they did.

"Are you serious?" I could feel the fury growing in my chest.

"Please do not get upset, Isabella. I just worry about your safety you have to know that."

"Don't you 'Isabella' me Carlisle. You should know that Jake would never allow anyone to hurt me." I had confided in Carlisle how hard my life had been after Edward left. He knew Jacob had pulled me out of zombie land and protected me from Victoria. I thought he was challenging Jake's ability to keep me safe and that angered me.

"I apologize, _Bella_. Obviously, I have overstepped my boundaries. I thought we were friends." The acidic tone in his voice was not lost on me.

"Maybe we should end this conversation now before I say something I might regret."

"I think that would be best. Enjoy you're time in _Forks_." He emphasized the name of the town and I got the hint.

"Bye."

Silence. He didn't even bother to say goodbye. Ugh! I threw my phone onto the bed in a huff. I was thoroughly frustrated. Of all the people in my life the last one I expected to question my judgment was Carlisle. The part that bothered me the most was how much his words had upset me. I hated the way the man affected me. He had been back in my life for only a few short weeks but I felt like I knew him better now than I ever had before.

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**A/N:** Next up is some Bella and Jake interaction. Wonder how Jake will take the news that the vamps are back in her life. . . should be interesting.

I'm currently looking for a beta buddy who can help me with this story. If you're interested please let me know :-)


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Leftovers

"Stupid Cullens," I muttered before heading back downstairs to find out what Charlie would like to do for the rest of the day. When I told him I was coming for a visit he had made me swear to spend the first day with him. Jacob was none too pleased about it but he would have me all to himself the next day so he had no reason to complain. Charlie surprised me with his plans for us. He wanted to drive out to La Push and pick up Sue so he could take us both out for a nice dinner.

Sue seemed so nervous during the drive from the reservation to the restaurant in Port Angeles. I remembered her as being so calm even during the worst of times when her daughter phased into a wolf causing her husband to have a heart attack that took his life. Jacob had commented several times about her being the most level headed one on the elders' council. I wondered what on earth could make this typically stoic woman so anxious. I learned the first reason during dinner.

After the waiter cleared our table, Charlie dropped the first of two heavy bombs that would fall on me that weekend. He grabbed Sue's hand before turning to me and smiling the broadest smile I had ever seen on him.

"Bells, I asked Sue to marry me and she accepted. We haven't decided all the details yet but we would really like you to be a part of our big day." He was beaming he was so happy.

"Dad, Sue, that's…wow, congratulations!" I was stunned. Charlie had always been alone so I was genuinely glad that he would have someone there for him who obviously loved him as much as he loved her. The guilt revolving around my feelings for Jacob and what he was sacrificing to be with me surfaced as I watched Sue and my dad look at each other in pure bliss. I ran around the table and hugged them both to show how happy I truly was for them. We talked more about ideas they had for the wedding and Sue relaxed considerably. She wanted to have a tribal ceremony and possibly a civil ceremony as well for Charlie's sake. Envy spread through me as I watched them together but I worked hard to keep my jealousy from revealing itself.

As I lay in bed that night and thought about the last ten years of my life I could not help wondering if Edward ever truly loved me. Had Edward's presence in my life and my love for him somehow ruined any future chance at true love? He said he no longer wanted me and I believed him. But that did not change the fact that I loved him. The heart ache was dull now but it was still there. Ever since he left me alone in the woods, I had pined for him in one way or another. If I really wanted to make a relationship last with Jacob then I needed to finally let go of Edward for good. With tears streaming down my face I walked over to my window and whispered goodbye. I told him that I had loved him with everything I had for as long as I could and that I no longer had the strength to fight for that love. Saying it out loud, even though I knew he would not hear me, made it more real somehow. For the first time in years I felt at peace. A feeling of complete calm came over me and I knew with absolute certainty that I was over Edward Cullen. He was my past. Jacob was my future.

The next morning I hopped in my car and headed to tell Jacob how much I wanted a chance at happiness. I imagined the smile that would come over his face when he realized his love and his patience was finally going to pay off. He would sweep me into a tight hug until I murmured against his chest that I couldn't breathe. It would be perfect. And it should have been. But it wasn't. As soon as my car stopped Jake was standing outside his front door wearing only a pair of cut off shorts. Some things really never do change. I admired his physique as I stepped out of the car and made my way to him. I expected him to meet me half way or to run over and embrace me immediately. Neither happened. He just waited for me at the door with a blank expression. When I reached him, I wrapped my arms around his waist and pressed my cheek into his chest. But Jacob did not hug me back. Instead, his body tensed and he pulled away slightly.

"You smell like leeches." He gritted his teeth as he spoke and I wondered how I could have forgotten that Alice's scent would be on the clothes I picked to bring with me.

"I guess now would be a good time to have that conversation about what I was reluctant to tell you over the phone." I chanced a glance up at his face but he was still unreadable.

"I think that would be a good idea." Jacob led me into the house and over to the sofa. I sat down and he paced. The anger was rolling off of him in waves and I worried that he would phase right in front of me. An image of Emily's scarred face flashed in my mind and I trembled.

"Please, Jake, calm down. It's not what you think. I promise." I tried to keep the fear out of my voice.

"Bella, just spit it out before I lose it."

"The first day of my Residency I learned that one of my close friends from school was assigned to the same hospital. Gregory, remember I told you about him?" He nodded impatiently so I continued. "Well, apparently, he had some sort of obsession thing going for me and he convinced himself that he loved me. He corned me in an empty stairwell and demanded that I feel the same way about him. When I told him that I enjoyed his friendship but that a romantic relationship was not possible, he lost it and started attacking me. He told me he was going to kill me if I was not willing to be with him." I paused for a few moments as the emotions from that day flooded back and I had to fight the tears that threatened to show just how scared I had been that day. Jake kneeled in front of me, his anger gone for the moment, and held my hands.

"I'm so sorry that I was not there to protect you Bells. I knew I should not have let you go to Seattle." His words sparked the fire that Carlisle had started the day before and my anger flared.

"Let me? Do you think you could have stopped me?" At least he looked sheepish when he realized what he had said.

"Damn it. Bella, you know what I mean. I knew it was a bad idea for you to be so far away from the protection of the pack. You draw danger to you like a moth to a freaking flame." He wrapped his arms around me and I relaxed. I found staying angry with Jake to be extremely difficult, especially when he groveled like this.

"Well, turns out that I didn't need the pack that day." I was suddenly very worried about telling the rest of the events of that day. His reaction would not be pleasant.

"I figured as much since you're here and all." He smiled softly but he was still concerned. I could see it in his eyes.

"Gregory would have killed me that day if Carlisle had not stopped him." I said that sentence as fast as I could and waited for his reaction. For a few minutes he just sat there at my feet without saying a word. I could tell he was working really hard to control his anger and I did not want to disturb him. His body shook violently and I knew it was taking all of his concentration not to allow the wolf to take over his actions. I was terrified of what would happen if he could not regain control. But he did.

"Carlisle Cullen, I assume."

"Yes." My response was barely a whisper but he heard it loud and clear. Before I could say anything else Jacob was on his feet and running for the door.

I waited at his house for several hours but he did not return. Finally, I gave up and drove back to Charlie's. Sue's car was in the driveway and I knew he did not expect me back anytime soon so I could not bring myself to go in there. I really did not want to drive all the way to Port Angeles and Forks offered very little distractions so I had no idea where to go or what to do. Without realizing where I was going, I found myself at the turnoff for the Cullens' old home. I wondered if they still owned the large house that had once offered so much comfort for me. I decided to follow the path my subconscious set forth. The white house stood before me in its unchanged glory. Someone was taking care of the place but no one lived there. The furniture was covered in white sheets. I could just make out the shape of Edward's piano still sitting off to the side of the living room. He had not bothered to take it with him. I refused to wonder why.

I sat on the steps leading up to the front of the house and allowed the memories of my time there to flow through my mind. Even though Edward had left me, I was grateful for the chance to have known him and his family. He taught me what love could be, the lesson both a blessing and a curse, and he showed me that life was so much more than I ever believed possible. I worried that my love for Jacob would never be enough. Tears streamed down my face but I ignored them. This was just the reality of my situation. And I was okay with that, or at least I was before Carlisle Cullen showed back up in my life. I had been set on marrying Jacob and being truly happy, and then Carlisle had to remind me of the possibilities of passionate, all consuming love.

Jacob found me crying on the porch of his enemies' abandoned home. He was still angry with me, or the situation, or whatever. He tried to tell me that he was not upset with me, that only the idea of them being back in my life and their potential to destroy me had made him so furious he had to phase in order to calm down. I think he was more afraid of Edward making a reappearance than anything else. If I were being honest with myself, I would have realized that I had been very afraid of the very same thing since I first saw Carlisle standing in the stairwell protecting me from the man intent on ending my life. But, none of that mattered when Jake sat down next to me and wrapped me in his warm embrace. I remembered my mission and I was determined to follow through with telling Jake that I wanted to marry him.

"Can we go somewhere else and talk without fighting, please?" My time in Forks was quickly coming to an end and I refused to leave while Jake was still mad about the Cullens.

"Sure, sure, Bells, whatever." His tone was almost cold but he turned and helped me up before smiling genuinely. "Besides, I've got something I want to tell you before you have to leave."

We drove back to the reservation and ended up on First Beach sitting on the same tree where Jacob had unwittingly confirmed that Edward was a vampire. For a little while we just talked and enjoyed each other. As the sun started to descend, I turned to Jake and took his hand in mine so that I could reveal my plans for our future.

"So, um, I was thinking that after my Residency I could maybe get a job as a doctor here on the reservation." My nervousness really surprised me as I stumbled through my speech.

"Why would you do that? The pay has got to be lousy and I'm sure you could get a better job somewhere else. Hell, you could probably open your own practice if you wanted. The town could definitely use another family doctor."

"But, you are here." I tried to tell him with my eyes what I was seemingly incapable of saying verbally at that moment.

"Since when do you base any of your decisions around my location?" He laughed it off for a second before his eyes darted back to mine and started searching for the truth of my admission. "Bells, are you saying what I think you're saying? Because if you are, I think I need to tell you something first." He stood up and began fidgeting. I had never seen Jacob nervous before and I thought it was kind of cute.

"Jake, you've been so patient with me and I am truly indebted to you for not running away the second I showed up in your garage with those motorcycles and my broken heart. You pieced me back together and you have stood by me no matter what."

"Bella, please stop. I can't believe this. I've wanted this for so long and you choose now?" He almost seemed angry and I reflexively pulled my knees to my chest as a kind of shield.

"I'm sorry, I know I should have done this a long time ago but I really wanted to finish med school and I thought I would be able to complete my Residency in Forks rather than in freaking Seattle. Everything just seemed to get in the way so I waited. Part of me was afraid that you would meet someone else and forget about me so I waited. I'm still scared out of my mind that I won't be enough for you. Please don't be mad, okay?" I reached up to grab his hand but he pulled away. Rejection sucked.

"Damn it, Bells! If you had just told me this a few days ago things would be so different. I would be on my knees in front of you begging this to be true. I would already be planning in my head how I would ask you one more time with the elation of knowing that you were actually going to say yes. I never would have allowed myself to…shit…I imprinted, Bella." His body crumbled in front of me. His face showed how conflicted his emotions were and how much he was hurting because of what I had just admitted.

"If you imprinted than my timing shouldn't matter. I guess I'm glad it happened before we got married and started a family. That would have been devastating." I was trying to make sense of the fact that Jacob had imprinted. Maybe his love for me was not as strong as he once thought.

"It would have made all the difference in the world. Bells, I would have fought this and I would have won. You were all I ever wanted but knowing that you didn't feel the same way was killing me. When I first saw Cindy, I knew what was happening but all I could think about was you. I only gave in to the feelings because I thought there was no chance for you and me." Tears were rolling out of his eyes and I had to fight the urge to wipe them away because Jacob now belonged to someone else. I had no claim on him. He would have freaking resisted imprinting for me but I would never have loved him like she probably already did. I tried to fight the feelings that were bubbling to the surface but they would not be contained.

I started laughing. At first it was soft but as the reality of what just happened rushed through me the laughter got louder and louder. For the first time in years, I felt free. Jake no longer needed me. He finally had someone worthy of his love and adoration. I suddenly felt a strong desire to talk to Carlisle and demand to know where Esme was and whether or not she was still a part of his life. Jacob had imprinted and I did not have to feel obligated to love him anymore. I was still laughing hysterically when Jake started calling my name and shaking my shoulders to get my attention. He must have thought I was losing my mind.

"Bells, what on earth is so funny?" He was irritated but I didn't care. I lunged toward him and hugged him as hard as I could.

"Jacob, I'm so happy for you. This is just so crazy, you know? I was so sure of my future a few minutes ago and now everything has changed but I'm honestly okay with that. I love you, Jacob, I always have and I always will. I just know that my love was nothing compared to what you felt for me and some part of me would have always felt guilty about that. Now, though, I get to keep my best friend and I get to see him happy. It's more than I could have ever hoped for." I pulled him impossibly closer as he returned my wide smile.

"Wow, this is just too weird. I mean, you just practically asked me to propose to you again only to find out that I imprinted but, somehow, we end up being better friends because of it?"

"Life is never dull for us, is it wolfy?" We continued to hug and smile and laugh until I could no longer make out the water in the darkness. I sighed when I realized that I had to leave. Jake and I had not been this comfortable around each other since he first declared his feelings for me that day we went to the movies with Mike Newton in tow. Since then, we had skirted around the elephant in the room as much as possible but it was always there.

"Promise me that we will really stay friends. I can't stand the thought of you not being a huge part of my life, Bells."

"You couldn't get rid of me if you tried." Except, I had to go back to Seattle first thing in the morning and I really needed to get some sleep so I could get up early enough to drive there before my shift started.

"I'll always love you, Bells. Always." He pulled me back into his chest and sighed heavily before letting me go. We held hands as he helped me make my way back to my car. He kissed my cheek before I climbed in and drove away with a huge smile plastered on my face.


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer**: Stephenie Meyer owns the original plot...I just decided to play with it a little.

**A/N**: Sorry for the delay in getting this chapter posted! I hope you enjoy reading my silly little tale...

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**Chapter 7**

**And Then**

The drive from Forks to Seattle was consumed with thoughts of my family. Charlie was happily planning a wedding with Sue and Jacob had admitted he imprinted after I confessed to him that I was prepared to marry him. I suppose I should be upset, or embarrassed at the very least, but I was just relieved. Charlie and Jacob were the most important people in my life and they were happy. That is all I could ever wish for them. Of course, my mom is also very important to me even though she and I had drifted apart during the past few years. She had a new life with Phil and I hoped that Charlie and Jake would not become as distracted by their love lives.

When I arrived home, I dashed into my apartment to quickly change before heading to start my shift at the hospital. As I made my way through the living room, I stopped dead when I realized someone was sitting on my couch. Fear rippled through me as I turned my head to take in my unexpected visitor. Relief flooded over me when I took in the blond hair and pale skin until I noticed his posture. His head was hanging down hiding his face, his shoulders were slumped forward and his hands fidgeted on his thighs. He did not look up at me and I remembered our argument from two days before. I really did not have time to fight with Carlisle so I walked into my bedroom to put on some scrubs. When I came back out I was surprised to find Carlisle was gone. I sighed and headed back out to my car.

Outside I found the black Mercedes idling at the curb. Without stopping to think about what I was doing, I ran over to the passenger door and climbed inside. Carlisle focused on the windshield and never looked over at me though I watched him almost the entire drive. His expression was sad and I wondered if something had happened while I was gone. Despite my curiosity, I refused to ask him the reason for his sour mood. I was determined not to let him spoil my high from the events of the weekend.

When we stopped in the parking garage Carlisle finally acknowledged my presence by turning toward me and meeting my gaze. For a few moments we just stared at each other. I could almost feel his sorrow. I was instantly concerned for my friend. I pushed my pride aside and decided to reach out to him. My hand rested softly on his forearm and seemed to startle him.

"Carlisle, is everything okay?" I watched his eyes and the confusion that flickered across his face.

"Isabella, are you still angry with me?" He could not be this upset over my anger, could he?

"Honestly?" I asked. He nodded. "No. I know you meant well and I overreacted a little. I don't know why your words bothered me so much." I really just wanted to make things right with Carlisle. His frigid frame relaxed slightly with my words.

"I am sorry that I upset you." And that was the last thing that was said before he got out of the car.

By the time I was dismissed for the day, I was utterly exhausted. I had gotten up way too early in order to drive back this morning and driving always fatigued me anyway. I was begrudgingly heading toward the bus stop since I had stupidly allowed Carlisle to drive me to work and my car was still sitting in my driveway. I had not seen him since he left me in the parking garage earlier. A loud sigh escaped my lips as I walked through the sliding doors and the wind sent cold rain drops right into my face. Great, I did not have an umbrella and knew I would be soaked by the time I made it to the covered area to wait for the bus.

"Perfect," I muttered as I stepped out into the wind and the rain. Before I made it two steps I was unceremoniously pulled right back into the hospital lobby. "What the hell?" I blurted. I turned to find Carlisle with a very determined look on his face.

"There is no way I'm letting you ride the bus home, especially not in this weather. Please, allow me to take you home?" He was still holding my hand which distracted me and kept me from answering until Carlisle cleared his throat and drew my attention away from our clasped hands. I managed to nod before he continued. "I have a few things to finish up before I can leave. Do you mind waiting just a couple of minutes?" Again, I only managed a nod. "Thank you." He quickly squeezed my hand before letting it go and leading me back to his office.

I waited as patiently as I could for him to complete his tasks and take me back to the sanctuary of my apartment. I really just wanted to relax in a warm bath and read for a few hours before going to bed. Dinner would probably consist of a frozen meal that I kept on hand just for occasions such as these. The couch in Carlisle's office looked very inviting so I decided to make myself comfortable until he returned. I leaned back into the soft cushions and closed my eyes.

Carlisle woke me up sometime later by gently shaking me. He apologized profusely for taking longer than he had anticipated.

"I really wanted to have a chance to discuss a few things with you this evening but I can tell that you are much too exhausted." He smiled warmly but I could see the disappointment in his eyes.

"Carlisle, I've had a very long day, maybe we can have our conversation tomorrow?" I wanted to take away whatever was causing him to look so sad but I knew I would not be able to listen at all given my current state of absolute exhaustion.

"Thank you, Bella. I would really like that. Now, let's get you home and to bed." His eyes widened as he realized what he said and I could not help giggling a little at his embarrassment. I knew he had not meant anything by what he said. Sometimes I adored Carlisle's old fashioned ways.

We talked idly about our day as Carlisle drove the short distance to my apartment. He walked me in and assisted me with dinner before drawing a bath and leaving me. Not once did he ask permission to be there and I wondered if he believed I would have said no if he had. In all honesty I really didn't think I could deny that man anything. He was becoming such an integral part of my life that I was concerned how I would feel when he inevitably would have to move to another location to protect his family's secret. Would he be able to stay long enough to see me finish my Residency? Would he, Alice, and Jasper keep in touch once they had to relocate. I briefly wondered if they would allow me to stay with them in their next home. Carlisle and I really needed to talk about Edward and Esme before I could even broach that subject though. There was no way I wanted to live under the same roof as Edward, and Esme may not appreciate having me around if she discovered the crush I had on Carlisle. Not that it could or would develop into something more.

The next morning I woke to the wonderful smell of peppermint tea wafting from my kitchen. I got up and sleepily trudged into the kitchen where I found Carlisle assisting Alice with another elaborate breakfast. A warm smile spread across my face as I watched them trying to determine whether or not the scrambled eggs were cooked thoroughly enough. They both whipped around and glared at my laughter when I was unable to contain it any longer. Seeing my two vampire friends arguing over the correct consistency of eggs was just too funny. Alice rushed over to me and pretended to scold me while Carlisle looked on in amusement.

The morning passed amicably while I ate. Every once in a while I noticed either Carlisle or Alice tense and knew they were having a conversation too low for me to hear. Despite their pleasant demeanors I was pretty certain they were arguing about something. I chose to ignore the tension for the moment determined to enjoy the few moments of peace before heading off to another potentially stressful day at the hospital.

Carlisle insisted on riding with me after I refused to let him drive me to work again. I watched as he tapped his finger repeatedly on his leg and knew he was trying not to be impatient with my slow driving. The absence of vampire reflexes made me very reluctant to exceed the speed limit so I continued to drive as I normally would and ignored his fidgeting. Once we parked, Carlisle stopped me from getting out of the car by resting his hand on my forearm just as I had done to him the previous morning.

"Bella, I would still very much like the opportunity to spend some time alone with you this evening. May I take you to dinner?"

"Are you so worried about my reaction to what you wish to tell me that you feel the need to go to a public place?" I teased.

"That may be a part of the reason. But is it wrong for me to desire to take my friend to dinner?" His use of the term "friend" to define our relationship stung even though it shouldn't have. That's exactly what we were after all.

"Of course not, Carlisle, I was only teasing though now I am a little concerned about what you have to tell me." I tried to keep my tone light but it was difficult.

"I assure you that it will probably be harder for me to say than for you to hear." With those words Carlisle was out of the car and to my side to open my door. He took my hand and helped me stand. I felt an all too familiar warmth creep up my face at the intimacy in this moment. His eyes bore into mine as he pulled me closer. Of its own accord, my unoccupied hand reached up to rest against his chest. My breath hitched and I felt my heart stutter against my ribs. Carlisle had never looked at me like this and I was so unsure about everything in that moment. Before I could contemplate what was happening, Carlisle dropped my hand and took a step away from me in the same second. I was unable to hide the disappointment I felt so I dipped my head in an attempt to conceal my expression. A cool hand gently cupped my chin and softly forced me to meet his gaze.

"Isabella, please do not judge me by my actions right now. There is so much we need to discuss and I find myself completely impatient to get some things out in the open. There is so much unnecessary confusion between us that I hope our conversation over dinner will alleviate. I have to exert much more effort into being patient with this than I have ever had to in any other situation I have faced during my long existence." He gave me a small smile before turning and walking toward the elevator. I reached him just as the doors opened and we stepped inside. The ride to the main level seemed impossibly long. Without a word, Carlisle reached over and stroked the area of exposed skin between my jacket and my glove. I shivered in response but it was not because of the temperature of his skin. There was a current of electricity flowing from his skin into mine that traveled throughout my entire body.

That evening I found myself silently hoping my shift would end on time so that I could rush home and change before dinner. Right at five, Carlisle appeared in the entryway of the ER where I had just finished up with a patient. Five year old Anthony Taylor had fallen in his backyard and cut his forehead. His wound required fifteen stitches and would leave quite a scar despite my best efforts. Anthony could not have been happier. He had refused to cry or show any weakness while I worked diligently to repair his broken skin. His mother just shook her head and grinned at her son's bravery. She informed me he was just like his father. Anthony gave me a hug before he swore I was the only one he would allow to remove the stitches when he came back for his follow up appointment. The smile the memory brought lingered on my face as I took in the perfection of Carlisle Cullen standing there waiting for me.

"Dr. Swan, may I see you in my office?" He kept his professional demeanor but I caught a glimmer of a smile in his eyes.

"Of course, Dr. Cullen," I responded as I slid Anthony's chart into its slot at the nurses' station. I followed Carlisle as he headed in the direction of his office. Once there, he closed the door and let the smile I had seen in his eyes before come across his face.

"You received several compliments from patients, nurses, and an Attending Physician today. I thought you might like to review my notes regarding them before I placed them in your file." He was actually beaming with pride as he said this and I smiled widely in return.

"Really? Wow. A compliment from an Attending? That's almost unheard of," I said through the silly grin plastered on my face. I read over the documentation and my elation grew. Dr. Andrews was one of the harshest Attendings I had encountered so I was very surprised when I read his name at the top of the nicest compliment of my abilities as a doctor I had ever received. Apparently, I had impressed him the day the ER was flooded with victims from the bus collision.

"Tonight, we will celebrate your accomplishments." Carlisle helped me into my coat before he opened his office door and led me toward the parking garage. "We can go anywhere you like," he offered once we were in the privacy of the elevator. I appreciated how careful he was to ensure none of our interactions at work could possibly be construed as anything other than professional, but I was confused by his increased affection during our more private moments.

We ended up at my favorite little Irish pub just down the street from my apartment. For most of the meal I watched amusedly as Carlisle pretended to eat his entrée by moving the food around his plate. I covertly drank from both of our drink glasses as well to keep from drawing any unnecessary attention. I enjoyed a comfortable conversation with him as I ate my dinner of corned beef and cabbage with cornbread. I ignored the overeager waitress and the multiple women around us vying for Carlisle's attention. He appeared to be oblivious, but he was probably just used to attracting the notice of all those around him. I had forgotten the original reason Carlisle had invited me out tonight until he turned to me and closed the gap between us.

"I am extremely anxious to get this conversation over with so I hope it is okay with you if we begin now." His words brought me back to our reality. I nodded for him to continue as I took a sip of my water. "As you know, my family and I left Forks rather abruptly just under nine years ago. The reason, which you are familiar with already, separated my family. Edward fled from our company and refused to join us at our next home. Alice and Jasper left us approximately two years after our relocation because Jasper was having a difficult time handling the intense emotions we were all feeling. Shortly after their departure, Rosalie and Emmett decided to travel the globe and refrain from constant interaction with humans for a while. This, of course, left Esme and me alone. She quickly took on remodeling projects to keep her time occupied and I immersed myself in my work.

"About six years ago, I noticed that Esme began to spend more and more time away from home. She assured me that it was temporary and that she was just overly excited about one of her projects. To be honest, I was relishing the time alone. The three years since leaving Forks had been horrendous. Our family fought relentlessly and everyone worried about Edward. About once a month he would call Esme to let her know he was alive and refused to talk to anyone else or divulge any other information other than he was somewhere in South America. Esme was the only one he contacted and Alice was furious. I think she truly believed he would see what an idiot he was being and would come running back to you and to us. But that never happened.

"One day Alice showed up at my door with a heartbreaking look on her face. Apparently, she had seen that I would soon need her comfort. Esme came home that evening to inform me that she was leaving. Without further explanation, she was gone. I was too stunned to even go after her.

"For months I forced Alice to follow Esme's every move and let me know what she was doing. When Alice saw that Esme had moved in with another coven and had taken a new mate, I thought my life was over. For almost two years I did nothing but wallow in my self pity. Alice and Jasper had to force me to exert the effort required to hunt. If not for them, I probably would have just sat in my study like a statue. The desire to even exist was had left me.

"Finally, for my family, I decided to move past my despair. Rosalie and Emmett returning from their travels helped with that decision. They were upset enough about losing Esme and Edward and I could not allow them to witness my misery. So, for two years, I pretended to be fine. It wasn't until Alice had a vision of my future bliss that I finally began to heal. I still miss Esme at times but I wish only for her to find true happiness. Even if she returned today, I know she and I could never again be more than friends."

Carlisle's story was not at all what I expected. Never would I have believed Esme capable of leaving him. I was at a loss for what to say. Not only did Edward leave me, but he left his family as well. His distractions must be great in deed. Edward loved his pseudo parents and siblings. Of course, I had also believed he loved me. Obviously, I could be very wrong sometimes. An eerie silence fell over our table as I struggled with what I could possibly say after everything Carlisle had just told me. Luckily, the over attentive waitress stopped at our table to see if Carlisle needed _anything_ and broke the tension. Once she left Carlisle smiled at me reassuringly and reached for my hand.

We left the restaurant and walked at a leisurely place back to my place. Thankfully, Carlisle had not pressured me to respond to his story. I was frantically trying to make sense of his words but the fact that he and Esme were no longer together permeated my thoughts. I felt giddy which made me feel guilty. I should never be glad for something that brought Carlisle so much pain. Although, I was extremely relieved when he admitted he was no longer in love with Esme and could never be more than friends with her after what happened.

That night, I dreamed of Carlisle's touch.

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**A/N**: So, what did you think about Carlisle's revelation? Let me know your thoughts...

~Thanks! :-)


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Moonlight

I awoke from one of the most realistic dreams I had ever had. Discovering I was in my own room and bed actually surprised me. And I was disappointed. The memory of the events of my dream lingered as I went through my morning routine. The drive to work was lonely and I tried not to dwell on the fact that I missed Carlisle's comforting presence. He hadn't been there and I wanted to believe he was just giving me time to come to terms with everything we had discussed over dinner the night before, especially the knowledge that his family was no longer what it once was. I would be lying if I said I did not feel some guilt for that. Edward left, at least in some part, because of me. His departure directly or indirectly led to the demise of the Cullen family as I had known it. I was confused as to why Edward refused to remain with his family after leaving me on the cold forest floor in Forks. But, I had promised myself long ago that I would no longer dwell on all the questions left unanswered or anything else regarding Edward Cullen.

Inside my locker at work I found a short note in Carlisle's elegant hand indicating that he would likely not have much time to see me much for the rest of the week due to things out of his control, but that he hoped we could have dinner together again on Friday. My birthday. Certainly he wasn't planning on doing anything elaborate considering the horrible events of the last birthday I spent with the Cullen family. I could only hope.

My shift went by relatively quickly and quietly. No major traumas and, for once, I was glad. As much as I loved the thrill of the job, I hated seeing others suffer. Thursday was also nice and uneventful. Friday, however, was hell on earth. I was extremely anxious about having dinner with Carlisle and what his expectations were, the ER was overflowed from the time I arrived until well after my shift was supposed to be over, and I was freaked out about the fact that Carlisle was still keeping his distance. Even the few times we were forced into the same room during the last few days, he barely acknowledged me. I was so confused. And I knew I should not have cared because I hated attention, but no one had wished me a happy birthday. My parents hadn't even called.

I huffed and blew my too-long bangs out of my face as I signed the last chart of the day. It was almost ten o'clock and I had finally been released for the weekend. All I wanted to do was go home and soak in a nice warm bath knowing that it was likely my plans with Carlisle would have to wait until another night. I was exhausted and grumpy. One of the new interns had apparently decided to make convincing me to go on a date with him a mission or something and he had been relentless in his pursuit from the moment I walked in this morning. His advances were progressing from almost sweet to nearly aggressive. Tim was a good-looking guy and I'm sure he was not accustomed to being turned down so I tried to give him a break but that was getting tremendously more and more difficult. His latest attempt was to offer to help me "de-stress" after such an arduous fourteen hours. I fought the urge to slap him. Besides my eighteenth, this was my worst birthday ever.

The drive home seemed to take much longer than usual as I made my way through the dark streets. I loved the old oak trees that adorned the sides of the roadways of my neighborhood and created a natural arch overhead but they tended to appear ominous in the darkness of night. Most of the houses were occupied by families with young children or older couples so my street was deserted even though it was only just after ten thirty on a Friday night. I hurriedly discarded my grimy scrubs and headed straight for the bathroom pushing away concerns with the disappointment I felt over not seeing Carlisle at all since the day before. I did not want to be upset or angry that the Cullen clan was letting me down once again. I did not want to hurt anymore.

The bath had proven to be exactly what I needed and I felt rejuvenated as I pulled on my favorite pair of pajamas. The answering machine sitting on my night stand caught my attention with its blinking red light. I sat on the edge of my bed and listened to my parents and a few friends, including Jacob, wish me a very happy birthday. Of course, they were all disappointed that I wasn't home when they called – as I likely would have been on any other day – and hoped my absence meant I was out enjoying my big day. I smiled at the realization that they had not forgotten and silently berated myself for ever doubting them. My tendency to expect the worst was just one more trait picked up during my adolescence that I had never managed to leave behind. Edward leaving me to pursue other "distractions" had left deep scars in my perception of my own self-worth. Even though I was happy for Jake, I was not stupid enough to believe that hadn't been a blow to my fragile ego as well. Now, Carlisle's apparent desertion was leaving its mark too. A glance at my alarm clock let me know my twenty-seventh birthday was only ten minutes from being behind me. I needed a drink.

I made my way back into the living room intending to celebrate alone with a glass of cheap champagne. What I found instead brought tears to my eyes. The entire living room was decorated with tacky streamers and balloons that all had "Happy Birthday" written on them in the gaudiest colors possible. I smiled at the three ethereal beings beaming at me from across the room. I rushed over to them and hugged each of them with eagerness. Even Jasper allowed me into his embrace which just made me that much more pleased with the turn my evening had taken.

"We planned on surprising you at the restaurant but when I realized that wouldn't be possible we decided to move the party here." Alice fluttered over to the kitchen then and brought back a plate filled with some of my favorite foods.

I hummed in appreciation as my friends continued to spoil me. Alice sat behind me on the couch and massaged the tense muscles in my neck and shoulders as all four of us caught up on the recent events of each others' lives. I was so content that I didn't even throw a fit when Alice revealed the huge stack of presents they had all gotten for me. Before I was given the opportunity to open any of them though, my door burst open and a hulking figure bounded into the room. I was pulled into a huge bear hug before I even registered who had just joined the party.

"I have missed the heck out of you little girl," Emmett confessed as he twirled me around in his arms. I couldn't stop the huge smile that spread across my face. I didn't even complain about the fact that I couldn't breathe.

"Put her down before you break her, you big oaf," Rosalie's sing-song voice floated through the room and I hesitantly turned my gaze in her direction. She actually smiled at me before pulling me into a half hug that was far more than I expected.

After the shock of Rosalie and Emmett's arrival wore off, the Cullens insisted I open my gifts. Carefully, I unwrapped each one determined not to repeat the mishap of my eighteenth in any way. Emmett and Rosalie had given me several CDs I had never heard of but they assured me I would love as well as a few knickknacks for my condo and a beautiful picture frame that they would fill once we had the chance to get a picture of all of us together. Alice and Jasper had gotten me clothes, no surprise there, and season tickets for the Seattle Seahawks. I was delighted when they announced everyone had a set and would be attending the games with me. The tears betrayed my emotions as I realized they intended to remain in my life for awhile. Carlisle's gift made my tears of happiness turn to joy. I opened the ornate wooden box, which I later learned Emmett had made himself, to reveal an exquisite yet simple necklace with the most unique design I had ever seen. The chain was platinum and an oval pendent bearing a unique design was small and perfect. I recognized the marking almost immediately as the Cullen family's crest that each family member wore set in a piece of jewelry that fit each of their own personal style. I was moved beyond words as I just sat there and stared at the most amazing gift I had ever received.

"Bella, I've always considered you as part of our family and I wanted you to wear this as an outward sign of that fact." I looked up as Carlisle explained this and realized we were alone. "I hope you don't mind, but I asked for a few moments of privacy." He smiled down at me but I could see the worry etched in his eyes. "You do not have to wear it, of course, I just thought you should have it." Carlisle was nervous. The realization snapped me out of my stupor and I threw my arms around his neck.

"It's the best present I've ever been given, Carlisle. I love it!"

He returned my embrace and I felt his face stretch into a smile against my hair. Carlisle took a deep breath and I suddenly became aware of how close we were to one another. Carlisle had been sitting next to me on the couch facing my direction when I leapt into his arms so now I was practically sitting in his lap. Our chests were pressed together and my heart was beating furiously. I felt the telltale warmth in my cheeks that Carlisle would certainly sense even though he could not see. Despite my anxiety, I felt like I fit perfectly against him. He made no move to back away so I squeezed him tighter and allowed myself to simply enjoy the sensation of his body crushed to mine. I never wanted to move. Eventually, he cleared his throat and placed me back on the couch. I tried to hide the disappointment as he cupped my face in his hands and forced my eyes to meet his.

"Isabella, I have a difficult time being this close to you without acting on the desires of my heart. I feel so out of my comfort zone around you, but in a good way. I am terrified that I will do something that you are not ready for or that will confuse you more than I'm sure you already are," he sighed heavily before continuing. "Please, promise me you will let me know if I take things too far or make you uncomfortable in any way."

I nodded instead of answering verbally because I wasn't sure I was capable of speech in that moment. I was so unsure of what any of this meant. Did he see me as a daughter? God, I hoped not.

The others rejoined us and Alice put in a movie for us all to watch. I snuggled with my family on the blankets Rose laid out on the floor for us. I was happier than I had been in years and I now knew that my friends had no intention of leaving me anytime soon. I can't even remember what movie we watched that night, but I will never forget the feeling of absolute contentment that washed over me as I enjoyed the reunion with members of my family that I had not so long ago believed I would never see again. The only one missing was Edward but I wondered if his absence was for the best. No one had even mentioned him other than Carlisle when he told me he had not seen him since they left Forks. I hoped, wherever Edward was, that he was at least half as happy as I was tonight. I looked out the window and saw the bright full moon illuminating the night. I smiled at the memory of how I had once thought of Edward as my own personal moon. He was my first love and I hoped one day we could find a way to be friends.

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**A/N:** Thanks for reading!


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

Perception

I awoke alone in my bed the next morning even though I did not remember leaving my comfortable cocoon on the floor in my living room the previous night. The remaining effects of the alcohol I had consumed made my head ache and my throat dry. I stretched out of bed and headed to the kitchen for a glass of water and some pain killers. After a hot shower, I settled into the task of organizing my birthday gifts. I found the perfect places for all my new things – the clothes were now hanging in my closet waiting for Alice to come in and rearrange as she would most assuredly do – and I stood back to see how the small statues and other ornamental decorations I had been given fit in with my current décor. Not that I had much before, but what I did have matched everything I was given perfectly. I'm sure I had Alice to thank for that. I absentmindedly traced the pattern along the frame Rosalie and Emmett had given me wondering when we'd have the time to take a picture of all of us to place in the beautiful frame.

Charlie called to check in as I was straightening up the lingering reminders of the festivities from the night before. We talked for longer than usual and I was glad to hear how happy he was. Sue even got on the phone for a few minutes to update me on their wedding plans. Once they set a date, I would have to request time off from the hospital. My dad was adamant that I be there and I wouldn't miss it for anything. I was looking forward to an excuse to spend some time in Forks and was excited at the thought of their beach wedding. The ideas Sue shared with me sounded perfect.

A quick glance in my refrigerator reminded me that I desperately needed to go to the store. My list of necessities was longer than usual since I hadn't made a trip to get groceries in a while. After Charlie, Sue and I said our goodbyes I sat at the kitchen table to write down what I needed. A few minutes later there was a light knock on my door and I rushed to answer it knowing who was likely waiting on the other side. My knees literally went weak at the sight before me. Carlisle stood there holding a cup of coffee and a box of donuts. His hair was a perfect mess rather than the styled coif I was used to seeing, his t-shirt was slightly wrinkled as if it had sat folded in a drawer for a while and his jeans looked slightly worn and soft. He had never looked more beautiful than he did in that moment and I fought the urge to wrap my body around him like a pretzel.

"Wow, Carlisle, you look…wow," I stuttered in embarrassment as I realized he could hear the effect he had on me - my heart rate and blush likely revealing exactly how happy I was to see him.

"Thank you, Isabella. You look gorgeous as usual." Carlisle actually smirked at me. Well, Hell that was hot.

After a few moments, I recovered enough to step aside and let him inside. I found myself fidgeting and stuttering like a teenager trying to ask her first crush to the girls' choice dance. It was humiliating, but Carlisle didn't seem to notice. He strolled into the living room and made himself comfortable on the couch. He looked more relaxed than I had ever seen him and the sight made me smile. His hand reached over and patted the spot next to him as a request for me to join him. I settled in and dug into the donuts as a distraction. Once I was finished eating, I stood up to continue cleaning but Carlisle reached for my arm and gently pulled me back onto the couch. I looked at him questioningly and he just shrugged.

"I find letting you walk away getting more and more difficult, even if I know you are not going very far. The only time I truly feel at peace is when you are at my side." His confession stunned me and I had no idea what to say in response.

Instead of admitting that I felt exactly the same way, I grabbed the remote off the coffee table in front of us and turned on the TV. I flipped through the channels, sighing in defeat when I realized there was nothing there that could possibly distract me enough to make forgetting Carlisle was right next to me possible. Out of the corner of my eye, I caught him smirking at my obvious attempt at avoidance. Without thinking, I used one of the pillows on the couch to hit Carlisle square in the face. The stuffing exploded out of its casing after coming into contact with his stone hard face causing me to erupt into a fit of laughter. Once I regained my composure, I chanced a glance at Carlisle. His bright topaz eyes were sparkling menacingly. I recoiled slightly wondering what that expression meant. Less than a second later I found myself sprawled out on my bed right before I was bombarded with pillows from every direction.

"Ugh! Stop, I'm sorry, I'm sorry." I was laughing hysterically and could barely get the words out but the assault stopped immediately. I heard genuine laughter echoing from across the room but it stopped as soon as our eyes met.

"Isabella, I either need to leave right now or kiss you. I honestly cannot restrain myself any longer around you." His voice was raspy and strained.

"I don't want you to leave." As soon as the words left my lips, the bed dipped beside me from his weight and his hands raveled in my hair.

He hesitated slightly to give me a chance to stop him if I wanted. Of course, I wanted nothing more than for him to continue so I nodded to encourage him. His body relaxed as he came closer. I watched, mesmerized, as he slowly closed the gap between us. He rested his forehead against mine and murmured something I could not understand before pressing his lips to mine. I felt the now familiar spark that occurred anytime our skin met and shivered slightly. Rather than pulling away as I expected him to in that moment, he surprised me by deepening the kiss. I involuntarily moaned into his mouth as I felt his tongue come out and taste my lips.

At least two hours later, Carlisle and I were still exploring this new aspect of our relationship. We had migrated to laying down facing each other on my bed. His hands were roaming over my body without being inappropriate or pushing things beyond our heated kissing. This was so much more intimate than I had ever been with anyone before and I was slightly self-conscious knowing he had so much more experience than I. My stomach rumbled loudly causing Carlisle to chuckle against my lips. He pulled away gradually but kept leaning forward to kiss me again. After a few moments, he sat up on the bed bringing me with him and led me into the kitchen. He easily lifted me to sit on the counter and instructed me to stay there while he made me lunch. I watched in awe as he skillfully maneuvered around my kitchen to make me a grilled cheese sandwich and a bowl of tomato soup.

We managed to keep away any awkward silences with small talk while I ate but I found myself wondering what this all meant. Did Carlisle really have feelings for me or was I just a convenient distraction? Despite coming to terms years ago with the idea that Edward likely lied to me that day in the forest, I still fought the insecurities his words imbedded in my psyche. He called me a distraction, easily forgettable, not good for him, and I had easily believed him because it made sense. I had wondered from day one what he ever saw in plain, mortal me anyway. The obvious lie was still easier to believe. I hopped up quickly to put my dishes in the sink and to gain some distance. This was all so confusing.

"I really need to make a trip to the grocery store. As you saw earlier, I am seriously low on food," I practically whispered. I fully expected Carlisle to leave then but he surprised me by holding out my coat for me and leading me out to his car.

Carlisle held my hand the entire drive there and all throughout the store, letting go only when absolutely necessary. He continued to baffle me and I wished I had the courage to just come out and ask him what this was between us, but I couldn't make myself do it. There was no way I could believe that I could attract the attention of one Adonis look alike, much less two in one lifetime. I decided I would simply enjoy the ride for as long as I could before the train stopped and kicked my butt back into reality. Hopefully, I would not end up broken again at the end.

Carlisle assisted me with putting the groceries away when we returned and even stayed to help with dinner. He didn't attempt to kiss me again which made me wonder if he regretted what had happened earlier in the day. My mind was in overdrive trying to dissect every minute detail of our interactions and I felt completely overwhelmed by the time we finished cleaning the kitchen after I ate that evening. I was beyond frustrated with myself for making a mountain out of a mole hill. I was glad Jasper wasn't around to have to deal with all these emotions that were coursing through me and rapidly changing from hope to despair and back again. Once every last inch of the small kitchen was clean, Carlisle took my hand and led me to sit with him on the couch. He studied my expression for a few long silent minutes before he cupped my face in his hands.

"Isabella, please promise me that you will inform me if I ever make you uncomfortable or progress things too quickly. I must admit that I am overly anxious to form a serious relationship with you and I fear that desire will cause me to forget that my feelings are not the only ones to be considered here." He stroked my face as he spoke and gently pulled me closer to kiss me softly.

Although the kiss was chaste, I could feel the passion lying just beneath the surface. The knowledge both elated and terrified me. He likely thought he was being straight forward but I needed his intentions spelled out before I would be able to accept the words he said at face value. I wanted to believe what I thought I heard, but I was just so afraid of getting hurt again. Carlisle was even more against turning someone than Edward ever was. Carlisle only changed those whose lives were at an end. Edward, Esme, Rosalie and Emmett had all been knocking on death's door when Carlisle changed them. He also had his reasons for choosing their fate for them. His guilt over having to make that decision was still evident anytime he heard any of his family make statements that indicated they were unhappy with their fate. I knew Carlisle held an immense amount of remorse where Rosalie was concerned. She was the most open about her distaste for what she had become. Her disgust always angered me because she was not robbed of her humanity as she seemed to believe. If Carlisle had not saved her, she still would not have the things she felt were taken away from her that night her fiancée brutally attacked her. Rosalie would be rotting six feet under. Her dreams were over before they ever began, but becoming a vampire had nothing to do with that. I hoped, one day, she would see this truth and let go of all the hostility she carried.

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**Disclaimer:** You know who owns it, and it's not me...

**A/N**: Okay, I was so nervous to post this one because of the "daddy" factor. Hopefully, I've displayed their relationship as anything but father/daughterish.

Hugs to all who are still reading this!


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer**: I do not own the original plot/characters of Twilight. I just like to twist their fate a little.

**A/N**: Sorry for the long delay in updating. RL has been hectic but I promise I will finish this story! I love the end of this chapter so I hope you do too :-)

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**Chapter 10**

**From Here**

Becoming a doctor had been my number one priority for so long that I found trying to balance my newly active social life with my education extremely difficult. The hours I was required to put in at the hospital were horrendous at best and most days all I could manage after my shift was a short shower before succumbing to exhaustion. There was no way around doing the time no matter who my connections were and I would not have let anyone give me preferential treatment anyway. I needed this experience in order to excel at my career. I had to remain focused on my main goal or I would end up with little to show for all my hard work.

Despite understanding this, I could tell Carlisle was depressed about the lack of alone time my residency permitted. Our relationship had yet to be defined and his apprehension regarding the nature of my feelings was obviously eating away at his confidence. Even knowing what my silence on the matter was doing to him could not aide me in forming the words to assuage his fears. My inadequacies knew no bounds when it came to interacting with others, especially in the ways that truly mattered. I had laid it all out there once. The idea of making myself that vulnerable again scared the shit out of me and I wasn't sure if I could handle anymore rejection. Jacob had been safe and loyal, almost to a fault, and kept me from experiencing the need to put my feelings out there for someone else to destroy. This thing with Carlisle was getting perilously close to crossing all the boundaries I had created to protect my barely mended heart. It never had truly healed after Edward left. The idea that my trepidation could lead to a path of solitude had never really bothered me until Carlisle kissed me for the first time.

As I lay alone in the dark, I contemplated the events of the past few weeks. Little progress had been made as far as decoding my feelings for Carlisle. He was always there, even if only in the background, but relying on him to stay around was not something I was ready to do. It wasn't fair, but he was paying the price for his son's actions. Biblically speaking, things should have been the other way around. Carlisle and I saw each other regularly at the hospital but the crowded atmosphere afforded little opportunity to speak candidly. Because of my need to get at least a few hours of sleep a day, chances to see each other outside of the hospital were rare at best. The looks I caught from him here and there often held the power stop me in my tracks with their intensity. He wanted more. I was too terrified to open myself up and risk total devastation again.

I often wondered what my life would have been like if I had never moved to Forks. Lately, that thought creates an ache in my chest that has nothing to do with Edward. If I had not met him, Carlisle would not be standing there across the hall looking at me with so much passion and longing. I had to remind myself that we were in a very public place; that ravishing him here would be an incredibly bad idea. He was just too tempting sometimes. I had finally realized several days ago, after catching him cast a wary glance in my direction, that I had been purposely avoiding him. I may have been working more hours than absolutely necessary and the excuses I came up with were starting to run thin. So, when I was offered a few days reprieve, I took it without a second thought. Normally, I would have waved off such a recommendation. Not this time. And I couldn't wait to tell Carlisle.

"What is so important, Dr. Swan, that you have me running across the hospital at almost nonhuman speeds? I must admit you have me a little on edge at the moment." The tinge of fear in his otherwise melodic voice made my heart clench. His hesitancy was entirely my doing.

"First, I obviously need to apologize for my appalling behavior as of late. I have absolutely no defense strong enough to absolve me of my actions. But, I hope that what I called you here for at least partially makes up for my recent idiocy." I fought to keep my gaze focused on Carlisle as my courage waned under the scrutiny of his hard gaze.

"Isabella, I know that you have a lot to deal with right now and it would be completely insensitive of me to hold your actions against you. In light of recent circumstances, I think you are doing remarkably well." His words encouraged me so I took a deep breath and hoped for the best.

"Were you aware that I have been given the next four days off?" I asked quietly as we were no longer the only ones in the corridor.

Before answering, Carlisle gestured toward his office. I followed with my head down in order to conceal my elated expression. Since my avoidance had become blatantly obvious, Carlisle had begun finding reasons to have others around us at all times. He did this for my benefit only and the knowledge that he would deprive himself of something he clearly desired in order to ensure my comfort was quite endearing. This was literally the first time we had been alone in almost two weeks. Once the door was secured behind him, Carlisle turned to face me and motioned for me to sit on the couch occupying the longest wall of his large work space.

"Yes, I am aware. I was asked to approve it and did so without dithering. Does that bother you?"

"No, not at all. I was actually hoping we could spend as much time as possible together during my mini vacation." I tried to cover up my trembling by fidgeting with the hem of my white coat.

"And you cannot possibly think that I could ever refuse such an offer, can you?" His question brought my eyes up to finally meet his.

"Honestly?" I asked with much trepidation. He nodded in encouragement. "I no longer trust my instincts in these types of situations." I hung my head once again.

In an instant Carlisle was at my side enveloping me in a comforting embrace. I pressed my face into his chest and let out a long sigh. I wanted nothing more than to give into the release I felt in his arms but, of course, my insecurities refused to allow such relief. Wow, I really was an emotional mess. For years I had ignored the lasting effects of Edward's sudden departure. Only now that I found a reason to want to love again did I realize just how psychologically stunted I had become. Poor Carlisle did not deserve to be burdened with my issues. He certainly had endured enough in his long life. And there was getting past the whole vampire thing too, of course. That was also a huge part of my concern. I knew his stance on creating more beings like him, but I could not deal with those thoughts right now.

"Not a day goes by that I do not regret the way I allowed Edward to dictate my actions all those years ago. Even at the time I knew it was wrong. I cannot ever hope to atone for my actions. I do not deserve your forgiveness but I beg for it nonetheless."

I felt his body shiver against mine. Reluctantly, I pulled away from him so that I could look into his face. What I saw there crushed me to my core. If vampires could cry, Carlisle would most certainly be doing so and I was to blame for his agony. So, I did the one thing I could for him, I shed the tears he could not. For several minutes we simply held each other. My worries were set aside momentarily so that I might offer the man in my arms some solace from his pain.

"Carlisle, you can't be held responsible for the decisions of others. I have never blamed you for his choice. The damage he caused is in no way your fault. The only injury you inflicted was due to your wordless departure, which you have already apologized and received forgiveness for. I imagine you are blemished in your own way by events in your life. I can't see how either of us could come out of these situations unharmed emotionally."

"I'm glad we are finally talking about this, but I really would like to spend the next few days enjoying our time together rather than dwelling on the mistakes of our pasts," he said softly while pulling me closer to him. I decided to change the subject.

"Have you ever thought of keeping those hand warmer things in your pockets to help with the chilly temperature of your skin? I can't believe people don't wonder all the time about how cool your touch is," I questioned, pulling out the first random thought that came to mind.

"The gloves we are required to wear at all times helps conceal my cold nature from patients but I could use them for those times I have to shake hands. I will have to get you to show me ways to help enhance my humanity," he finished with a wink. The man was flirting with me and my heart responded by beating wildly.

He smiled widely before lowering his lips to mine. We were so totally lost in our impromptu make-out session that a soft knock on his office door startled both of us. I couldn't help the pride I felt in distracting a vampire to the point of being caught off guard. I muffled my laughter as Carlisle quickly smoothed out our appearances and walked over to his door. He raised his voice slightly higher than necessary and began spouting off stats that I couldn't place.

The door opened to reveal an incredibly attractive woman. She smiled brightly when her eyes landed on Carlisle, she didn't even notice my presence in the room. They talked for a few moments but I couldn't hear the conversation from my position on the couch on the opposite side of the room. Her hand kept finding its way to Carlisle's arm and I found myself wanting to rip the damn thing off her arm. Jealousy was not an emotion I was overly familiar with so I was a bit surprised by my hostile reaction. My whole career was centered on healing but I wanted to hurt this woman who was touching my. . . Okay, I have no idea what to insert there. At least this thought takes my mind off the slut in the doorway for the time being.

I refocused my attention to the leather under me. It was soft and, I'm sure, very expensive. I began to wonder if Carlisle had it imported straight from Italy when I heard the most obnoxious sound I'd ever heard. My eyes flashed up to where Carlisle was standing. He was laughing, which was wonderful, but the noise the mystery woman made was horrendous. My hands want to reach up and block the noise from entering my ears but I realize at the last second this would be extremely rude. Not that she would notice. Carlisle seemed to be enjoying their conversation as much as she was and my stomach fought to retain the contents of my lunch.

After several more minutes of this, I decided to just leave. My anger had boiled to the surface and my patience had been tested to its limit. As I got up, Carlisle finally turned in my direction. The look on his face would have ignited my fury even if I wasn't already pretty enraged. His expression was one of shock, as if he had forgotten I was there. I blatantly ignored his protests as I walked past him and his little _friend_. I made it down the hallway and into the closest restroom before I totally broke down. Part of me hoped he could hear me crying; as I'm sure would be the case if he wasn't so absorbed in what that blonde woman had to say.

The rest of the day was spent completing rounds and avoiding being alone again with Carlisle. To his credit, he did make several attempts to speak with me; I just was not in the right frame of mind to listen. My heart had recoiled into its protective shield and thrown away the key. This was all too familiar territory. Once the day was over, I headed to my car knowing Carlisle was locked in surgery for at least two more hours. He had asked me to assist with this one but I had convinced a colleague to step in for me at the last minute. I gave some weak excuse about not feeling well before I bolted out of there. Now, I had four days of absolutely nothing to do with my time. I briefly considered driving to Forks, but then remembered Charlie mentioning an extended fishing trip with Billy. So, that was out because I was pretty sure I could not stomach hanging out with Jake and his girlfriend. Although we still talked regularly, the shift in our dynamic was staggering and I was still adjusting to the change. Plus, what girl in her right mind would want the ex-love-of-his-life around? Imprint or no imprint, that was not a situation to walk into willingly.

Three hours after arriving home, I ran out of things to clean. I was showered and dressed for bed fifteen minutes after eight. I debated going to sleep early rather than attempting to find any more menial tasks to occupy my time and mind. Feeling pathetic and dejected, I headed in the direction of my bedroom mumbling to myself about going out to adopt a few cats the next day. My life had officially reached an all time low. I sighed and shuffled my way across my hard wood floors and had just about reached the door to my inner sanctum when there was a loud knock at my door.

If I ignored him would he give up eventually and go away? Knock, knock. Maybe if I stood completely still he would think I was not home despite the presence of my car in the driveway. Knock, knock. I wondered if he could hear me breathing or my heart beating. Hopefully, there was enough space between me and the thick door to conceal my presence even from his advanced hearing. Knock, knock. I went back to the theory that once he realized I was not answering, he'd just go away. Knock, knock. Could my neighbors hear him now? He was banging so hard at this point that I feared for the safety of my front door. Knock, knock. I actually watched the door buckle a little that time. My feet remained frozen in place. I was pretty sure movement would be impossible even if I had made the decision to allow him entrance. Knock, knock. The trembling in my limbs was no longer subtle and my knees felt somewhat weak. How cliché of me. Knock, knock. It had been over fifteen minutes at this point. I was almost certain there was a dent on the other side of my door that was the exact shape and size of Carlisle's fist. The standoff had to come to an end and one of us would have to fold. _Might as well get the show on the road_, I thought as my body finally began to stir from its statue like stance. Edward would even have been impressed, I think.

The door opened with a slight creak. I allowed just enough room for me to peak out and had no intention of opening it further. The thudding that resounded in my head matched the staccato of my heart as my eyes came into contact with black orbs filled with rage, sadness and fear. Carlisle was blatantly afraid of something as he stood there begging for me to let him in and talk about what happened. A mature woman would have stepped aside and let the man she had shared a few intimate moments with provide an explanation for his behavior. But, I have never been accused of being rationale and, even though I have typically behaved in a manner to be proud of, the stone wall that ensconced my emotions was still locked up tight. Therefore, Carlisle and I entered into a staring contest of sorts. All things considered, this was probably the dumbest thing I have ever attempted. He did not have to blink, or breathe, or move so it wasn't exactly fair. I essentially lost before we even began. That, however, did not stop me from trying. I was stubborn to a fault, just like my father, and I would not give up that easily. Just because I did not have a chance in Hell of winning, did not mean I would not stand my ground. I placed my hands on my hips in a stance of determination.

What occurred next was not what I was expecting, at all. He laughed. Carlisle Cullen laughed at me. I saw red. My hand reached up and slammed the door shut in his guffawing face. Take that, vampire-man. Bella Swan was a force to be reckoned with, even vampires did not scare me. My best friend was a werewolf after all. My cockiness lasted all of ten seconds before the door splintered open. An unattractive squeal escaped my lips as I took in the scene before me. Never had I seen Carlisle as a monster, he was unerringly loving and compassionate. Dr. Cullen never lost his cool, until now.

I whimpered as he crossed the distance between us in a mere fraction of the amount of time it should have taken him to do so. His hands reached out to hold me in place by my hips and his gaze bore into mine all fury and desire. My knees quivered in the presence of this new side of him. I wanted to explore this aspect of his persona further. I ought to have been afraid. But, I never was one to give into normal fears. A traitor tear flowed down my cheek and I desperately swiped it away. This man had managed to break down all my armor and I was terrified of the power that provided him. He had proved six years ago that his family, namely his first son, came before all else. What if Edward returned and told Carlisle to leave me again? I really needed to sit down. So I did. I sank right to the floor slightly surprised that Carlisle had allowed my movement without interference. To my astonishment he appeared right in front of me matching my posture.

He leaned toward me until our noses were separated by only a few centimeters of empty space. My breathing grew haggard as I watched his expression shift from hard to soft. I itched to reach out to stroke his face to explore the texture of his skin. So I did.

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**A/N**: Awww, isn't that sweet. Carlisle still has some 'splainin' to do so he's not off the hook just yet. I'm sure he had a legitimate excuse for the little encounter in his office. I also have a feeling Edward is going to make an appearance eventually. I don't think he can stay away from his family forever...

I am on twitter if you would like to follow me. I'm pretty boring and mostly just talk about my two year old but I'd love to have you join in on the craziness that goes on over there :-) The link to follow me and to my blog are on my profile if you're interested.

Thanks!

~SP


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer:** The world of Twilight belongs to the beautiful Stephenie Meyer. No harm intended here.

**A/N:** Thank you so much for the kind words directed my way regarding this story. This is by far my favorite chapter and I'm excited about posting - as well as extremely nervous. Today is my birthday but instead of asking for presents, I wanted to give you all one. As the saying goes, it is better to give than to receive :-)

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**Chapter 11**

**For Now**

Carlisle's eyes softened as my fingers continued to explore his features. I was amazed at how soft his skin felt under my touch. He was as sturdy as marble but felt like velvet. His lids drifted shut as we sat there on the floor. There were so many questions left unanswered between us, but I couldn't bring myself to start that conversation. Carlisle, however, began explaining some of the reasons we were in this uncomfortable position.

"She's a member of the board. I really did not think you would be so affected by her advances. I have become immune to her flirting, but should have considered what my allowing her advances looked like from your perspective. I am so sure about what I feel for you that I often forget you are not," his soft voice penetrated my thoughts.

"So, when you looked over at me, the shock on your face was due to my reaction and not because you forgot I was there?" I asked.

"Yes. When I realized how upset you were, I felt horrible. There is little I can do about the way she behaves toward me and not hurt my career. I certainly can't tell her that I'm involved with my resident, now can I?" he teased to help lighten the mood.

"No, I guess we can't exactly be open about our relationship right now," I sighed. Secrecy had been front and center in my life ever since Edward Cullen first decided to bring me into the realm of the supernatural.

"Not around here, no, but I was hoping you would agree to accompany me on a short trip to take advantage of your time away from the hospital."

"Don't you think it would be a bit obvious that we are both gone at the same time?" I asked. I really liked the idea of traveling with Carlisle but not at the expense of our reputations.

"Actually, it's the perfect time for me to take a breather. What better opportunity than when the person I am supervising is gone? That way I do not have to burden another Attending with the task." He smiled to show he was not being _totally_ serious.

"Are you saying you also have the next four days free, Dr. Cullen?" I could barely contain my growing excitement at the prospect of getting him to myself for four whole days.

"Yes, Dr. Swan, that is exactly what I am saying."

Wow, ninety-six hours with the good doctor. A fan girl squee threatened to bubble to the surface before I regained control of my emotions.

"What, exactly, did you have in mind, Dr. Cullen?" I loved the almost imperceptible shiver that always ran through his body when I referred to him as doctor.

"I believe Alice has taken the liberty of packing your bags. We need to leave in about fifteen minutes if we are to catch our flight."

"Huh?" was my eloquent response.

"Have you changed your mind about spending your vacation with me?"

"No! Not at all, of course not. The thought of Alice packing for me is just a little scary. And you didn't answer my question."

"Isabella, we really need to leave for the airport soon and I doubt you want to leave the house in your sleepwear." He gave me a knowing smirk as I looked down at my attire.

He was evading my question but I didn't have it in me to be upset. If he wanted our destination to be a mystery for now, I could live with that. The immature part of me that hated not having control over everything dissipated a long time ago. Besides, where we were going was not nearly as important as the fact that we would be going there together. I smiled happily at the thought before I ran into my room to change. The suitcase hovered in the corner just begging for me to peek inside. There was no telling what Alice had packed. I did not have any time to repack anyway so whatever was in there would just have to do for this adventure. Hopefully, I wouldn't be too mortified.

A few minutes after I emerged from my room, we were in Carlisle's car speeding toward the airport. We were parked and through security before I tried again to ask about our final destination. The gate he led me to indicated our flight would land in Salt Lake but I was pretty certain that was not where our trip would end. I glanced over to find Carlisle, the picture of leisure, reading a magazine and leaning back in his chair. I rolled my eyes at him and dug out the novel I brought to help pass the time. He quirked an eyebrow at me but did not say anything. Finally, the gate attendant began mumbling boarding instructions into the microphone. Carlisle put his hand on my lower back as he located our seats. When we crossed into first class I fought the urge to make a smart ass remark. For some reason, Carlisle spending money on me was easier to accept than Edward's lavish gifts had been. I refused to wonder why though.

The plane ride was comfortable even though we did not say much. Most of the time, I watched Carlisle as he fidgeted in his seat. For the life of me I could not figure out what was making him so nervous. It wasn't like he could be uncomfortable or afraid of crashing.

We had so much to talk about that I worried all of the things currently left unsaid would loom over us like a dark cloud. These few days off were supposed to be about relaxing and releasing stress. My fear was that they would be tense and unnerving instead. I decided we would get everything out in the open as soon as we reached a hotel or got onto another plane. That way, we could move past all the awkwardness and enjoy our rare chance to spend some quality alone time without worrying about who might see us together.

With that decided, I refocused my attention on the book in front of me and slumped into my cushiony seat. After this, there would be no way for me to ever fly anything other than first class. I did not miss the too little leg room or the narrow seats I had endured on every other flight I had experienced. No wonder Carlisle gave me a stern look indicating I should not argue when we walked into the front section of the plane. I could not even imagine him anywhere near coach. He would look so out of place back there. Not that there was anything wrong with those who did, Carlisle just didn't. My seventeen year self tried to convince me that I did not belong by his side at all. But, the choice was his to make, not mine. I had no right to make that decision for him. And, I knew, I would stay as close to him as possible for as long as he would allow.

As I expected, we did not leave the airport once we arrived in Salt Lake City. I tried not to be disappointed as I was sure wherever we ended up would be fabulous. An opportunity to explore this city would come one day. It was definitely one of the top twenty places I wanted to visit. My mom and Phil had been there a few years back and raved about it. As if reading my mind, Carlisle addressed my thoughts.

"Don't fret, Isabella, we will return here one day so I can show you all the amazing places this city has to offer," he assured me as his long arms wrapped around my shoulders.

"I'm going to hold you to that," I responded in the sexiest tone I could muster, which wasn't very sexy at all but still made Carlisle shiver a little.

We bantered back and forth until it was time to board our next flight. Carlisle had managed to keep me turned away from the digital boards that would have provided me with the information I so desperately wanted. He covered my ears or distracted me with whispers every time an announcer came over the loud speaker threatening to reveal the secret location of our semi-impromptu trip. I wondered if he would tell me before the pilot or one of the flight attendants spoiled the surprise. Hearing it from Carlisle would be so much better, in my opinion. I highly doubted he could keep me from finding out once we were aboard the plane. They tended to mention the destination several times before taxing down the runway. Not that I would mind if he continued his current methods of distraction.

"Denali National Park," blew quietly across my ear.

"Excuse me?"

"That is where we are going. It's a beautiful place that is located in Alaska. I think you will thoroughly enjoy the area."

"Oh," I managed to squeak out. His close proximity and the way his breath brushed against my skin were intoxicating.

The seat belt sign had just been turned off when I finally found the courage to face the conversation we needed to have in order to put our past where it belonged, behind us. I wanted to get it out of the way just as much as I wished we could just ignore it all. Carlisle brought his hand up to cup my cheek and looked at me thoughtfully.

"You look you have a lot on your mind, my dear. I'm sure there is a great deal we need to discuss before we can relax and enjoy our time together. May I suggest we wait until the morning? Once we land in Anchorage, we still have to drive the short distance to our hotel in Denali."

"Carlisle, I don't think we should put this off any longer. It feels like this thing hanging in the air between us and I just want it gone. Does that make sense?" I questioned afraid I wasn't doing a competent job of explaining my thoughts.

"Okay, Isabella, if that is what you would prefer. Please know that I will answer any question you ask truthfully, whether I think it's what you want to hear or not."

"I understand and I appreciate your willingness to be completely honest." I took a deep breath before continuing. "Why did you bring me to Seattle?" I figured I'd start off with what I saw as the most important.

"I did not 'bring' you to Seattle, Isabella. I was utterly surprised when I saw your name on the missive regarding this year's residents. I didn't even know you were assigned to me until the day before you started at the hospital," he responded sincerely.

"From the moment I saw your face on the stairwell, I believed you and your family were the reasons for my being assigned to Northwest. I guess I owe you an apology for making such an assumption."

"Bella, there is no reason to feel guilty. That is certainly a fair deduction considering how my family and I handled you in the past. We saw you as something to protect rather than as the strong, capable young woman you were. For my part in that, I am truly sorry." Hearing his confession of the way the Cullens viewed me back then was actually quite a relief. I was finally getting the closure I needed.

"When Edward left he told me that vampires are easily distracted, that I was easily forgettable. Is that true? Will you soon grow tired of my presence and leave just as he did?" My entire body tensed as I waited for Carlisle's answer to this.

"Is that what he said?"

I nodded while fighting back the tears that threatened to escape.

"Wow, I had no idea. He never told us how he left things with you."

Carlisle turned to face me fully then and grasped both my hands in his. I could tell that whatever he was going to say next would be difficult to hear. I hoped I was up to withstanding the blow he was about to deliver.

"Just say it, Carlisle," I insisted after a few moments of his silent hesitation.

"Edward lied to you that day, Bella. As a genus, vampires are not easily distracted and we never forget anything. I'm not sure why he said those things to you. In order for us to be completely past this, there is something you should know. I just don't know if I have the strength to tell you." His face fell as he spoke and I became worried about what he was not saying.

"There is really nothing you can say about Edward that will change the way I feel about you." He had to know I was in love with him even though I had never said the words.

"This might." His grip tightened on my hands.

"Carlisle, you promised to be honest even if you didn't want to, remember?" I prompted.

"Edward never stopped loving you or wanting you. No matter what he said that day, he has always and will always love you," he said the words so fast I almost could not understand them.

"Edward loves me?" My inner dialogue apparently forgot it wasn't supposed to actually speak what I was thinking.

"Yes." Carlisle cringed as he answered and looked as if he were preparing himself for a punch to the face or something. As if I could ever hurt him, even if I wanted to do so.

"Oh," was all I could force out as my mind scrambled to make sense of this new information.

Deep down I had expected as much, but having the idea confirmed was not easy to accept. Edward had told me he loved me so many times. My teenage self just had a hard time comprehending how someone as seemingly perfect as Edward could love someone as ordinary as I was. The notion of him lying all those months was easier to believe than the thought he was lying when he denied his feelings. Despite everything, I knew Edward still had a piece of my heart. He probably always would. Hearing Carlisle tell me that Edward loved me in spite of what he had said that day threw me for a loop. For a few moments I just sat there and digested the new information.

"I guess he meant what he said then. He did love me enough to leave," I muttered.

"If you'd like, I can have Alice locate him for you," Carlisle offered and I stared at him.

"Why would you do that?" I asked dumbfounded.

"He won't leave you again if we can find a way to convince him to meet us somewhere. No man or vampire has that amount of strength."

"You think I want to be reunited with Edward?" My mind was finally starting work again.

"I know how much he hurt you when he left so I can understand if you are angry with him. But, I'm sure knowing he is still in love with you makes staying away from him impossible."

"Wait, I think I need to make something perfectly clear. Edward is in my past. Having his love for me validated does not change the fact that he left or how much I've changed in the years since his departure. And it absolutely does not change what is going on between you and me, Carlisle."

"Bella, please do not say what you believe I wish to hear," Carlisle retorted almost angrily.

I captured his hands in mine and waited until he met my gaze before I began speaking again. This was not how I had planned this moment, but I didn't have a suitable alternative. Carlisle needed to know how devoted I was to him.

"Please believe that I would never lie to you about anything, especially not about how I feel. Edward hurt me deeply when he left, but I have moved on from that. I cannot say a part of me does not still care for him because that would be dishonest. He was my first love and was my entire world while I knew him. But he made the choice to leave and I cannot regret his decision. Looking back, I realize he did me a favor. I was so young. He showed me how it felt to be adored at a time when I needed it most. He made me a better person because he loved me.

"I owe him my thanks, but not my heart."

"Can you honestly say that if he showed up right now, you would reject him?" Carlisle asked.

"Yes, as crazy as that may seem, yes. My affection belongs to someone else now. I only hope the sentiment is returned in equal measure."

Carlisle studied my face as if trying to find a hint of insincerity. He would find none there. Without another word spoken, he embraced me as tightly as possible in our positions. The armrest between us dug into my abdomen but I ignored the discomfort it caused. Being in his arms like this was better than I ever imagined.

"I love you, Isabella Swan," Carlisle said right before pressing his lips to mine.

"I love you, Carlisle Cullen," I responded as soon as I was able to pull away from him a little.

The words brushed across his mouth as I spoke and Carlisle growled softly.

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**A/N:** Thank you for reading! Please feel free to follow me on Twitter storypainter I mainly just ramble on about my 2 year old son and his crazy antics but we have fun over there and I would love for you to join us!

I also just posted the first chapter of a sweet little E/B story if you're interested. It's going to be absurdly fluffy.

Thanks!

~SP


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N:** No, it is not your imagination, this is actually an update from me.

Let me just say that I have never been to Alaska but I have a very vivid picture in my head of what it looks like. Please just let me keep my vision of it even if it's way off base. Thanks :-)

**Disclaimer:** Stephenie Meyer owns them, I just like to twist their fate a little.

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Chapter 12**

**Knowing is Half the Battle**

After our declarations of love, I snuggled into Carlisle's side, finally letting myself drift off to sleep. We had been travelling for so long the sun was coming up as I, at last, succumbed to darkness. My dreams were filled with Carlisle telling me he loved me over and over. I was so deeply asleep that Carlisle had to shake me awake when the plane landed. We were the last ones to leave the aircraft and I blushed as the flight attendant laughed a little at my expense. Apparently, Carlisle had been trying to wake me for a while before he was successful.

The landscape surrounding the airport was breathtaking. There was actually more undeveloped land than buildings. I would soon discover much of the area was this way. After spending so much time in Seattle, the quiet, slow pace around us was a refreshing change. Carlisle led me out to our rental car and got me settled into the passenger seat before he loaded our luggage into the trunk. I was still quite tired since I had only managed to get a few hours of sleep on the plane. Despite wanting to take in the scenery, I quickly dosed off to the rhythmic sounds of the road underneath the tires.

The next time I awoke, I was alone in an unfamiliar bed. For a brief moment, I panicked having no idea where I was. The events of the previous day came flooding back to me and I assumed Carlisle had taken the liberty of bringing me into our hotel room. The bed was huge and totally comfortable. The room was large and ornate yet cozy. The door on the far side of the room opened and Carlisle strolled in carrying a heavy looking tray of food in one hand, my bag in the other. From what I could see through the doorway beyond him, I was pretty sure my entire apartment could fit into the living area of the suite Carlisle had chosen.

My stomach growled loudly in reaction to the appetizing smell now permeating the room. I hadn't eaten in almost twenty-four hours so I should not have been surprised by my raging hunger. Carlisle smiled and placed the room service tray in front of me while he busied himself by unpacking our clothes. Luckily, he left my unmentionables in the bottom of my suitcase and saved me the embarrassment of watching him handle them. My fear centered on the fact that there was no telling what Alice had included. Once my belly was stuffed, I headed into the bathroom to take care of some human needs. The multi-faucet shower was heavenly which let to me spending way more time in there than truly necessary.

I dried off and covered myself in the plush robe the hotel provided. The clothes Alice chose were surprisingly things I would typically wear rather than the too-stylish attire she normally tried to force me into. I picked out a pair of jeans and a sweater and hoped they would be appropriate for whatever Carlisle had planned for our day. My luck ran out when I opened my bag and found what Alice had provided for me to wear under the outfits. Scanty was a generous term. I picked a matching bra and panty set that looked like it might provide the most coverage and headed back into the bathroom to get dressed. At least Carlisle didn't have x-ray vision.

That's when a thought hit me like a ton of bricks. Carlisle and I were vacationing together. We were sharing a one bedroom suite. Not that he slept, but that hardly factored into the given situation. We were in love and had admitted as much. Most men would have expectations. Did Carlisle have plans that involved him seeing the tiny items under my clothing? Oh, my. I guess now might be a good time to have a little chat with Dr. Cullen about his expectations and my total lack of experience. This was going to be embarrassing.

Reluctantly, I opened the bedroom door and stepped out into the living room area. Carlisle immediately dropped the newspaper he had been reading and walked over to me. After scanning my body from head to toe, he pulled me into a tight embrace. I sighed and relaxed against his steel frame. Despite my embarrassment about the conversation I knew needed to happen, his presence brought me peace. For once, I was glad that I had kept my virtue in tact all these years. Hopefully, Carlisle would appreciate my patience as well. The thought of what I was about to say had me trembling slightly. I was a doctor, yet I couldn't discuss my own body. I really was pathetic.

"Is everything okay, darling? Are you cold?" Carlisle asked sweetly.

"I'm not cold. There are just a few things I think we need to talk about and I'm nervous," I admitted, knowing I could never lie to him.

"You should never be nervous to speak with me about anything, especially if it concerns you or us. I want to have a completely open and honest relationship with you, Bella," Carlisle stated firmly.

"You have gone through so much trouble to arrange this getaway and I want everything to be perfect for you," I began. Taking a deep, calming breath, I continued, "I need you to know that none of my previous relationships have resulted in intimacy," I rushed out certain that he could understand every word. My face was hot and I knew my cheeks were likely scarlet.

"Are you trying to tell me that you are…that you have never," Carlisle stumbled through his words causing me to smile at his obvious discomfort. At least I wasn't the only one having a hard time talking about this.

To bring about a conclusion as quickly as possible, I nodded in an attempt to convey what neither of us seemed capable to say. A look of genuine surprise spread across his face before quickly being replaced by a wide smile. Carlisle seemed quite pleased with my confession. I sighed in relief, glad he now knew what he was getting himself into if we decided to take our relationship to that level this weekend. Before I could think too much more, Carlisle's lips found mine and made me forget my concerns.

We spent the day sightseeing as much as possible. Carlisle was very attentive, making sure I never got too cold or hungry. He stopped a few times just to get me some hot chocolate. His actions were caring and authentic. None of what he did seemed forced or over-thought. At each stop he would make sure I was having a good time. My responses were important to him and he actually refused to budge if I did not express my opinion on any given topic or activity. The other men in my life had always done everything _for_ me rather than _with_ me. I truly appreciated the difference.

That evening we decided to order room service so that Carlisle did not have to pretend to eat or garnish attention by simply watching me eat. I wanted both of us to be completely comfortable and relaxed without the pressures of keeping up appearances. He had to do enough of that in his day to day life. What I craved was to see him act naturally minus the pretenses. Carlisle, the man and the vampire, was an extraordinary sight to behold. I cherished the moments he let down his guard and showed his true self. He was basically the same, just still. He did not fidget or move around unless necessary. Not like humans who constantly shifted in some way unable to remain motionless for any length of time. At first, it had been disconcerting to watch. Then I realized these were the times he was the most himself this changing my perspective.

"We had a long day and an even more eventful one planned for tomorrow. You should really get a good night's rest, Isabella," Carlisle spoke, interrupting my wandering thoughts.

"Will you join me? At least until I fall asleep?" I asked as I stood and stretched.

"Of course, darling, you never have to ask for my company," he assured me with a smile.

Once I crawled into bed and wound myself around his form, Carlisle began asking for details regarding my dating history. He cringed slightly when I discussed my limited experiences. Though I was glad that I had not given my body to the two men who came before him, I was simultaneously concerned about how I was would measure up to his desires. Carlisle may be old-fashioned but he had lived a very long life and had been married for several decades. The spike of jealousy that coursed through my veins startled me.

Edward's explanation of vampire mating came unbidden to my mind. I fruitlessly struggled not to think about the implications of what he had said. He had spoken the words so long ago to convey why he would never feel for another the way he did for me. In this moment with Carlisle, I realized he had already had and lost his mate. He told me he loved me, but I was suddenly uncertain what, exactly, that meant. A tear trickled down my cheek before I could blink it away. The walls of the large bedroom seemed to creep closer as my rate of breathing accelerated.

In the background, I was aware of Carlisle's deep voice questioning my wellbeing. Words failed to reach my lips as I tried desperately to regain my composure. Fear dominated me. It clung to my lungs and squeezed with all its might. Cool fingers touched my pulse points and I could hear alarm creeping into his tone as he continued his attempts to bring me back from the abyss into which I had fallen. Darkness permeated my senses and I felt lost. Why had I not thought of this before? Why did he profess to love me when his heart forever belonged to another?

"Bella, Isabella, please talk to me. Tell me what is going through that mind of yours and has you so utterly troubled," his voice pleaded as he hands gently cupped my face.

"Mate. . . Esme. . . You can't love me," I somehow managed to wheeze out as I wrapped my arms protectively around myself in an effort to guard my heart, my soul.

When Edward left, I thought the pain was unbearable. It had nothing on what I was feeling laying here discerning the true impact of what I had been told. I could actually feel my heart breaking, shattering into a million tiny pieces. This was a thousand times worse than what I had experienced during those dark hours and months after Edward's sudden departure.

Cold air swirled around me, jolting me back into the moment. Carlisle had carried me out to the balcony and the wind was ripping through the thin fabric of my nightgown.

"Isabella, what the hell is going on?" Carlisle demanded.

I flinched away from his rough tone that left no room for disobedience. He required an answer. And I struggled to provide him with what he wanted to know. Finally, my heart calmed slightly and my breathing reduced to a pace that allowed me to speak. Silence engulfed us as I sifted through my thoughts trying to find the words I needed to say to make him understand my distress.

"Edward told me that vampires have only one mate. There is only one chance out there for each one. You had that chance. You and Esme found each other. You can't love me because you love her. You always will," I sobbed, my composure cracking like the shell of a fallen egg.

"My experience has been that vampires have one true mate. I have never heard of an exception. But, Isabella, if Esme were my mate, she would have been unable to leave me. I would have been unable to let her go," he spoke softly into my ear. "I would have never recovered from her departure."

"Esme was your mate. I saw the two of you together, Carlisle. The love you shared was so strong," I countered.

"There was a time when I would have sworn that Esme and I belonged together, I will not deny that. The day she left, I thought my life was over. As time progressed, however, I came to realize that being away from her was not as difficult as I expected.

"May I make a confession?"

"Of course, Carlisle, all I want is your honesty," I replied hoping he was not about to tell me that I was just another distraction.

"When I first met you, I had to fight the urge to pull you into my arms and claim you as my own. If Edward had not already advised me of your identity, I probably would not have been able to control myself that day you were brought into the ER. Every ounce of strength I possessed was used to conceal my thoughts from him. It became a daily battle to maintain a façade of nonchalance where you were concerned. Whenever you were around, I took my cues from Esme's reactions and acted accordingly.

"Pretending was becoming so nearly impossible that, at first, I was relieved when Edward dictated our departure from Forks. It was only a matter of time before I slipped either in mind or in body. Every inch of me ached for you. When we left, I devoted myself to my work. It was the only way I could cope with the overwhelming longing I had to return to you. Since Edward was not around to hear my mind, I found being able to openly think about you somehow made the distance easier to bear. I was free to fantasize about a life with you, even though I knew it was impossible. Having the liberty to at least think honestly about my feelings for you got me through those years we were apart."

"But you said Esme leaving nearly destroyed you. I don't understand," I admitted.

"Guilt is a very strong emotion and denial can be quite convincing. When she left, I believed that she did so because I did not love her enough. She ran away from the family she loved more than herself, and I felt responsible. Years passed before I was able to see through the cloud of guilt and recall the indicators that had been there all along." He stopped there and, even though I wanted to know more, I didn't press him to continue.

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**A/N:** So, now you know. I expect Carlisle will give us a better insight at a later date, but he's a little overwhelmed at the moment.


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

**One More Day**

I stretched, hands and feet extending as far as they could go, when I awoke the next morning. After discussing my fears and concerns regarding our relationship with Carlisle the night before, he had continued to reassure me with both his words and his presence until sleep finally claimed me. There was a time when I would have doubted his sincerity, but not anymore. This was a turning point for me in a lot of ways. Instead of doubting my worthiness, I basked in the glow of his love.

There was no stopping my smile when I opened my eyes to find Carlisle lying next to me, watching me intently. And he loved me. We still needed to discuss the reality of our future together. I wanted both of us to be content with whatever decision we made regarding my mortality. Ultimately, varying views on this subject had led to the demise of my relationship with Edward. He hadn't even considered my wishes. Hopefully, Carlisle and I could have a mature conversation about both the pros and cons of each option. Hell, I wasn't even sure I wanted an immortal existence anymore. Not that I truly believed I could handle the thought of not having forever with Carlisle, but I wanted to make the best choice for both of us. This wasn't just about me. My viewpoint on love and relationships had shifted dramatically since my teenage years.

"Good morning, my dear, did you sleep well?" Carlisle asked even though I was pretty sure he already knew the answer. Judging by the state of his attire, he hadn't left the bed all night.

"Indeed, I did," I responded through a yawn followed by a giggle.

"You are so lovely when you smile," Carlisle whispered in my ear before he began nibbling lightly on my neck.

"Someone is in a good mood this morning." I practically moaned the words due to what he was doing to me.

"How could I not be?" he countered coyly.

Oh boy, this side of Carlisle was exquisitely torturous. If he kept this up, we would not be leaving this bed anytime soon. These light kisses could quickly escalate things between us, and I wasn't entirely sure I was ready for that. But, stopping him would certainly cause me pain. His lips felt divine on my skin.

"Carlisle, if you don't cease and desist, you'll never be able to get me out of this bed."

"What makes you think I ever want to leave this spot?" he questioned huskily.

"Oh," I mumbled as his lips met mine.

"I suppose I should let you get up and get ready to start the day. I have a lot planed for us, my dear," he stated as he disentangled himself. Somehow, we had managed to become intertwined during our mini make-out session.

I stumbled my way to the bathroom with a big, goofy grin. My legs felt like jelly thanks to Carlisle's amazing lip skills. Never had kissing someone had such an effect on my entire body. If he could make me feel like goo with just a kiss, making love to him would probably leave me immobile. Not that I would complain.

We spent our morning and early afternoon taking in the more tourist oriented locations. I was seriously considering moving to Alaska by the time we stopped for lunch. As I ate, Carlisle filled me on his ideas for the rest of our time in there. I was excited to hear we would be visiting some remote areas that weren't frequently seen by human eyes. He had several places in mind but wasn't sure if we would have time to see them all. For a few brief moments, I allowed myself to wonder how many of these out of the way places we would explore together if he were to change me. Before I could get too wrapped up in those fantasies, I focused on asking Carlisle about some of the locations he had mentioned.

After dinner, we made our way back to our room. I was exhausted even though Carlisle had barely let me walk when others were not around. He started a fire as I curled up on the couch intent to just relax for the time being. We snuggled closely as the flames crackled hungrily, devouring the wood carefully stacked within the grate. This vacation was so perfect and I hated that we would have to go back to reality all too soon. Pretending to be nothing more than colleagues would be extraordinarily difficult after everything we had shared during these last few days. I hoped I could refrain from giving us away. There was not a single doubt in my mind Carlisle would have no problem acting the part. He had centuries of practice playing various roles. Hell, he convinced people he was human on a daily basis. He encountered countless new faces each and every day that he had to trick into believing he was nothing more than a caring doctor with a great memory.

Cool fingers running up and down my arm brought me back to thinking only of the man beside me. I would address my fears of our day-to-day lives when we returned. We sat talking for a few more minutes as Carlisle's hands found different places on my body to explore. Soon, his touch became too much and I craved more. I turned to face him, placing my hands on each side of his face. Our lips melded together in gentle kisses. I soon found myself on the large bed with Carlisle hovering above me, intensifying the pressure of our kissing. For the first time I felt Carlisle losing control of his emotions and I loved it. He held me closer and tighter than ever before. I relished the feeling.

"Bella, if you don't want this going any further, you need to tell me to stop _now_. If we allow this to continue, I won't have enough strength to stop myself from fulfilling my every fantasy with you," Carlisle practically growled into my ear. "And, believe me, my dear, they are many." I could hear the effort of his restraint in the strained tone of his voice.

I had an important decision to make. In the grand scheme of things, we really had not been a couple for very long but I knew there would never be anyone else for me. Was I ready, however, to take such a big leap? Apparently, my delay in responding was answer enough for Carlisle because in the next moment he was on the other side of the room seemingly clinging to the wall. With wide eyes, I watched him struggle to regain control. I had never seen Carlisle so close to the edge and, I had to admit, I found myself delighting in the sight. Not that I wanted him uncomfortable, I just liked knowing I affected him so much. Slowly, so not to startle him or make things worse, I crawled off the bed and made my way over to him.

His clenched fists relaxed instantly under my touch. I slipped my hands under his, placing my palms against his, and gripped them as hard as I could. Keeping my eyes on his, I pulled him away from the wall and back toward the bed. Knowing he would go to such great lengths to ensure my comfort erased any fear I had regarding completely giving myself to him. This man was the one I wanted to be my first … my only. Fire burned behind his golden eyes as he seemed to read my choice just by watching me. I shivered at the thought that he knew me so wholly. No one else had taken the time to truly know me; to figure out what I actually wanted rather than what he or she wanted for me. Carlisle had become my entire world in just a few short months. The thought both exhilarated and terrified me. If he were to leave me after this, I would be utterly destroyed. As if reading my mind, Carlisle gently cupped my face in his hands.

"You are stuck with me for the rest of your existence. Whether that be for the next sixty some odd years or eternity. I am consumed by you, Isabella. Even if I wanted to, I could never leave you. If you die, I die. If you hurt, I hurt. Do you have any idea how important you are to me? I love you, Isabella, now and forever I am yours."

Carlisle took his time making love to me. Being inexhaustible definitely had its advantages. He did everything in his power to ensure my comfort and pleasure. Never did I dream sex could be this utterly amazing. I assumed it would be fun since people were willing to go to great lengths to get laid, but the reality surpassed any delusion I ever entertained. There was no greater joy than watching him explode because of what we were doing together. Feeling him slide inside me was the most exquisite torture I had ever known. My obvious enjoyment seemed to fuel his need for more and our union continued into the early hours of the morning. Only my total exhaustion finally brought an end to our magical first night. For the first time in years, I wished I were no longer human.

The next few days passed in a blur of sightseeing and consummating our love. The whole thing felt so right, so amazing, that I dreaded not having him to myself anymore once we went home. I wondered how we would cope with having to keep our distance from one another. Carlisle reached over and took my hand in his, bringing my focus back to the TV in front of us. We had decided to stay in and watch a movie on our last day of vacation.

"What's going on in that pretty little head of yours, my love?" Carlisle asked quietly while bringing my hand to his lips and kissing each knuckle softly.

"Just worrying about keeping us a secret once we go back to work. I'm afraid I'm going to slip up and ruin both our careers," I admitted.

"I was actually thinking about that earlier. Maybe being your supervisor isn't the smartest thing I've ever agreed to. I was just so excited that they asked me. I do not normally directly mentor new doctors."

"If you don't typically take on Residents, why did they ask you to?" I was definitely curious by what he just revealed.

"Word of your stellar credentials reached the Chief. Unsurprisingly, he was impressed by your performance as an intern and fought to have you assigned to our hospital. He really wants to hire you permanently when the time comes."

To say I was shocked would be a massive understatement. I knew that the Cullens had not intervened in the decision to bring me to Seattle, but I had no idea the Chief had personally been involved in the reason I ended up where I did. I wasn't quite sure how I felt about that. Alice had simply seen the outcome and moved her pawns into place. Well, that was a pretty horrible way to look at the situation. I had always had a hard time with Alice's manipulative tendencies. She liked turning her visions into reality and I wondered how much of the future she essentially orchestrated due to her exploitations.

"I have to admit, I always assumed Alice was the main reason I was assigned to Northwest rather than Forks Community," I admitted.

"Well, she's the reason I'm in Seattle. She confessed, after I moved, that she knew you would be there soon. Considering recent events, I can't say I'm all that upset with her intervention in this particular matter," he said against my ear as he pulled me even closer to him.

* * *

**Disclaimer:** Stephenie Meyer is the genius behind the Twilight characters we know and love (or love to hate whatever the case may be). No harm intended by posting my little story here.

**A/N:** I'm on a freaking roll...posted a chapter of a new story and now this all in one day! This chapter had been in the works for a long time and I finally just decided to go with what I had rather than pick it apart like I tend to do with anything I write. I hope you enjoy it :-)

Feel free to find me on Twitter StoryPainter - my tweets are locked so just DM me if you want to follow me and your name doesn't make it obvious you are from the fandom :-)


	14. Chapter 14

**Disclaimer: **Stephenie Meyer owns all thing Twilight. No harm intended here.

**A/N: **No, you are not imagining things. This is actually an update! I cannot apologize enough for how long it has taken. I hope the beginning gives enough of a reminder as to what is going on at this point in the story, but just in case...We left our dear Carlisle and Bella in Alaska where they finally consummated their love. Carlisle wanted to get Bella away from the craziness of life as a Resident physician so he whisked her away and showed her all the beauty he was familiar with in Alaska. And, now, our couple heads back to reality...

* * *

**Chapter 14**

**Back to Reality**

The plane began its decent into Seattle far too soon for my liking. I dreaded returning to work the next day and having to pretend I did not have feelings for Carlisle while there. He had promised that we would spend every available moment together, but I knew those opportunities would be few and far between. My schedule was about to get intense in an attempt to prepare me for long shifts that typically accompanied becoming a full-fledged doctor. Carlisle squeezed my hand and smiled over at me in quiet reassurance. I returned the gesture and hoped we would be able to withstand the difficult times ahead.

Diving back into work proved to be a good distraction from all my concerns. Luckily, or unluckily, Carlisle was pulled onto an important research project so we were rarely in the same room while at the hospital. Most days I barely made it all the way to my bedroom before I fell asleep. The long hours were definitely taking their toll and I was exhausted. Weekends were just as bad, if not worse. Yet, every time I came home, I found Carlisle there waiting with open arms. He ensured I ate regularly and slept soundly. The only thing he couldn't do was get us more time together where I was actually fully conscious for it.

Several hectic weeks gave way to even more chaotic months. Being a doctor was exhilarating yet heartbreaking at times. I found I enjoyed the freedom of less supervision than I had to endure while interning. It made me rely on my instincts rather than constantly second-guessing every move. Not having someone constantly looking over my shoulder was actually exactly what I needed in order to become confident in my own knowledge. Apparently, I was doing a decent job since I always received stellar performance reviews. Each case I handled was evaluated by an Attending who would later go over each step of the process with me to make sure I not only understood any missteps but also knew the reasons I made each one and how to react correctly in the future.

Carlisle was glaringly absent when I arrived home shortly after ten in the evening just over three months after our vacation to Alaska. Trying not to over think his not being there, I busied myself with long neglected chores. My apartment was in serious need of a good scrubbing. A few hours later, I reluctantly climbed into bed and attempted to get some sleep. I wanted to be able to enjoy my first real day off in months when I awoke. Usually, I could expect to be called in at some point on any day I was not already scheduled to work, but I was not even on call for the next twenty four hours. Determined not to let anything interfere with the rare opportunity to relax, I drifted into a restless slumber.

The display digital clock on my nightstand indicated I had accomplished getting twelve hours of fitful rest when I finally crawled out of bed the next day. I didn't want to spend the majority of my free time sleeping, so I clambered to the bathroom and started the shower. Once the warm water had sufficiently released the tension in my muscles, I climbed out and dried off with a nice fluffy towel. Alice would definitely be getting a thank you card for her most recent purchase on my behalf. Almost every week Alice found a way to upgrade something or other in my apartment. The week before, I had come home at a reasonable hour, happy to have time to cook a proper meal for a change, and found a set of new pots and pans in the cabinet. I never understood her incessant need to buy things, especially things I didn't really need, but the towels were simply heavenly.

There was still no sign of Carlisle when I emerged from the bathroom. I called his phone but it went straight to voicemail. I had already left a message when I first came home and refused to be one of those girlfriends who left a ton of messages for no real reason. He would call as soon as he could. We didn't have any plans and Alice hadn't called to indicate there was anything wrong. So, I just had to be patient. I could do that. No problem.

I wound up enjoying a very relaxing day out on my small deck reading. The sun was shining for the first time in weeks and I took full advantage of its bright warmth. As the sunset, I fought with the emotions warring inside. I was becoming increasingly worried about Carlisle's absence. Anger was starting to overcome the fear though. I was confident Alice would find a way to let me know if something was wrong since she knew how much I tended to dwell on worst cast scenarios. Where the hell was he, and why hadn't he freaking called? None of this made any sense.

Dreading another lonely night, I made myself a cup of tea, hoping it would help calm my uneasiness. Even boring late night television didn't help me escape the thoughts that were running rampant through my mind. In a rare moment of rage, I threw my empty teacup against the wall. Watching it break into dozens of pieces wasn't as satisfying as I had hoped. That's about the time the tears began to fall. Eventually, I cried myself to sleep. The next morning, I made myself get up and head into the hospital. I knew wallowing in pity at home would just make me feel worse, so I chose to put all thoughts not medically related to the back of my head and worked a seventy-two hour shift. I was blissfully exhausted when I finally left and headed home. Carlisle had not been around and I had to be cautious about asking too many questions regarding his whereabouts considering I was only supposed to be interested on a professional level. I figured I could feign concern since he was supposed to be my direct supervisor. The only thing I managed to find out, however, was that he was supposedly attending some medical seminar in Atlanta, GA. I had a hard time believing that, though. He would have told me if that were the case. Wouldn't he?

Doubt crept in as the days passed. Alice's phone had gone from ringing before going to voicemail to going straight to it. I became convinced that this was just like all those years before when the family had deserted me without so much as a goodbye. At least Edward had been decent enough to let me know he was leaving. I guessed Carlisle couldn't be bothered. I tried to pretend it didn't matter and even started looking into moving. I wanted a house of my own with a nice yard where I could start a garden and hang a hammock.

When a month came and went with no word from any of the Cullens, I decided I needed a clean slate. I couldn't exactly leave or transfer hospitals, so I focused on what I could change. I put in notice at my apartment and began house hunting. Two months later, I unpacked the last box of the few belongings I brought from my small apartment. The landlord had assisted me with selling off all the Cullen-related furnishings that filled my last place. I was genuinely pleased with myself as I looked around at my new home.

My ringing telephone startled me as I wasn't expecting a call. Only a handful of people even knew my new number. I ran around for a few moments trying to find the darn thing and finally answered right before the call switched over to voicemail.

"Bella?"

"Hi, Dad," I greeted with a smile, loving that he called so frequently these days. He worried about me, living alone in a big house.

"Hey, Bells, how are things going?" His tone was friendly, but I still sensed something was off.

"Everything's great, Dad. Is there something wrong?" I couldn't help asking.

"Huh? Yeah, yeah, everything's okay. I just got a strange call earlier and I wanted to talk to you," he admitted.

"What about?"

"Bells, you haven't been in contact with any of them Cullens recently have you?"

Wow, wasn't expecting that.

"Huh? I don't understand," I was stalling, but his question had thoroughly caught me off guard and I was fighting to keep the thoughts that name conjured up from breaking through the barrier I had erected to save myself.

"I hate mentioning them considering what happened, but I don't feel right keeping this from you," he explained while I fought to take steady breaths.

"Just spit it out, Dad. I'm sure it's not as bad as some of the stuff going through my head at the moment." I just wanted to get this over with because I was so certain it was better that way.

"Carlisle Cullen called me today looking for you. He said the two of you worked together but had a falling out and that he wanted to get in touch with you. I asked him why he didn't just see you at work, but he said it was complicated. I tried to get him to tell me more but he wouldn't. You didn't mention him so I didn't want to assume anything or give him your number without at least talking to you first." My dad rarely said so many words at a time, yet I still needed more in order to figure out what to say in response.

It was complicated? He could call Charlie but not me? Did he seriously think my dad would give him information about me? Then I realized the true implications of his call. Dad was upset that I hadn't mentioned the fact that Carlisle was working at the same hospital. I always meant to, I just hadn't. Then everything fell to shit anyway so I didn't see the point.

"Hmm, he did work there but I haven't seen him in months. I wasn't trying to keep it from you or anything, it just didn't come up in our conversations," I struggled my way through an explanation trying not to lie outright.

"That makes sense. Let me know if they give you any trouble, kiddo, and I'll take care of 'em." His obvious feelings of protectiveness made me smile despite the topic of our conversation.

"I will, Dad, and thanks." I wanted to tell him I loved him but I knew that would just make him uncomfortable.

"Anytime, Bells. Talk to you soon." He hung up as I slid down the wall and pulled my knees to my chest.

At least I knew he was alive. I wasn't sure if that made me feel better or worse though. He wanted to get in touch with me, but the easiest way to do so would be to find me at work. I wasn't sure what he meant about that being complicated. When I was reassigned to a different Attending, I wasn't given an explanation as to why Dr. Cullen was no longer fulfilling that role. I worried asking might draw suspicion so I hadn't said anything.

Desperate not to taint my new home with old memories, I forced myself to get up and pretend like nothing had changed. Because, really, nothing had. So what, I now knew that he still existed. I had kind of assumed as much. He wanted to talk to me, but I wasn't sure I wanted to talk to him. I couldn't think of a single excuse that would ever be good enough to garner forgiveness. He had been gone for over three months. Plus, if he really wanted to find me all he had to do was sniff me out. Well, I guess that would be difficult considering I never went anywhere that I had when he and I were still together and I drove to and from work. With all the resources he had at his disposal, though, I doubted he would let a little thing like me relocating deter him.

More determined than ever to put it all behind me, I found ways to keep myself occupied at all times. Reading familiar words from the classics I had grown so fond of became a necessity. I imagined the books had the same affect the blanket I carried around as a child did. Mom used to tell me how I wouldn't go anywhere without and would scream when she had to wash it. That soft piece of material was like a soothing aloe from my soul when I was little just as my books were to me as an adult. I also still had my blankie, in a way. Mom had paid one of her friends to turn it into a quilt for me. She said the material was so frayed that she worried it would just disintegrate one day if she didn't do something to save it. What was salvageable became the center patch and the other patches were chosen based on how well they matched it. I wrapped the quilt around me as I tried to lose myself in the pages in front of me.

* * *

**End Note: **Okay, I know I said this would mostly be a fluffy story, then I throw this at you. Well, I can only promise that the sad times won't last for very long. We cool? *looks around for flying objects*


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter Fifteen**

**A Knock on the Door**

Sleep had become an elusive foe. Every time I lay down, I was bombarded with images of Carlisle and the rest of the Cullen family. Even Edward's face began haunting me while I slept. They would remain just out of my reach as I futilely ran after their wispy forms. Even in my dreams, I could not be enough. During the day, I could effectively keep my mind too occupied to dwell on Carlisle's abrupt and total disappearance. The phone call from my dad had only made moving on more difficult although I know he thought telling me was for the best. For over two weeks, I did everything possible to try to get enough sleep in order to function properly. Finally, I resorted to taking a mild sedative that one of the doctors I worked with prescribed for me. I figured it had gotten really bad if a colleague was willing to state his concerns and insist I take something to help me get some rest. Reluctantly, I retrieved the brown bottle and tipped a single pill into my palm. I wondered for a moment how such a small thing could bring so much relief. There definitely was no substitute for a good night's sleep.

My bedroom was still consumed by darkness when I bolted upright from a drug-induced haze. I had no idea why I was even awake. Typically, taking one of those pills guaranteed I would be knocked out for at least eight hours. So, why was I suddenly wide awake at, I glanced over at my clock, two thirty in the morning? I racked my still fuzzy brain, trying to figure out the reason for this very unwelcome disturbance to my much needed rest. Not once since moving into my home had I been worried about my safety. The neighborhood was quiet and out of the way. There was only one way in and out, so you really had to know your way around not to get lost in the maze of streets. Plus, my home was at the very back of the large community. A nagging feeling in the blurry recesses of my mind, however, had me almost certain that a loud noise was to blame for my conscious state.

As quietly as possible, I climbed out of bed and slipped into a warm robe. If there was an intruder in my home, I really didn't want to be caught wearing just my light nightgown. My socked feet helped me remain silent as I walked out into the hallway. I had no idea what I would do if I actually did find a burglar. Looking around, I realized I didn't really have anything with which to defend myself. I began to wonder if I should just sneak back into my room and call the police. Certainly, they wouldn't be too upset if they didn't find anyone. I wouldn't be intentionally making a false claim.

Everything came grinding to a halt as I felt eyes watching my every move. I froze mid-turn and glanced around to see if I could make out the reason for the uneasy feeling that had suddenly settled into my bones. Even though my eyes were somewhat adjusted to the darkness and slightly aided by the moonlight coming in through a nearby window, I was unable to distinguish anything more than a few feet in front of me. My body began to tremble as I literally _felt_ the gaze approaching. It was the weirdest experience of my entire life. Calculating the distance to my bedroom door, I wondered if I had any chance of making it inside and locking myself there before my uninvited guest could reach me. The likelihood of me falling while trying was pretty great. I was fairly certain I didn't have a chance in hell of getting away from the intruder.

Without asking it to do so, my body slid down the wall until my rear-end hit the floor with a soft thump. Quiet tears began to make their way down my cheeks as I contemplated what was about to happen. Maybe my presence would be enough to spook whoever was there and they would simply run away. I clung to that thought, hoping for the best possible outcome. When I did finally learn what truly lurked in the shadows just beyond my limited vision, I realized I hadn't even begun to explore all the possibilities of this night.

The pills I had taken before bed must have overridden my fear because I awoke some hours later to sunshine streaming through the window at the end of the hall. For a few moments, I could not figure out why I was sitting on the floor. When the memories of the events that led me there came flooding back, I jerked my head around in a desperate attempt to make certain I was alone. I decided to research all the possible side effects of the medicine I had been prescribed, wondering if delusional paranoia was one of them.

As I sipped my coffee a little less than an hour later, I happened to glance at the calendar. My attending had assigned one day every week that I was actually forbidden to step foot inside the hospital. He said he appreciated my tenacity but hated the thought of me burning out at such a young age. Of course, he had no idea why I worked so many hours and pushed myself until I was utterly exhausted. Not that he would care even if he did. So, Sundays became my day to catch up on chores. I looked around my kitchen and began making a list of the items I would need when I went to the store. My home was definitely showing signs of neglect. There was barely any food in the fridge or pantry and the sink was full of dishes that needed to be cleaned. It was in these mundane activities that I seemed to miss Carlisle the most. As I washed dishes, I would begin imagining him next to me ready to dry or place the items into the dishwasher.

I realized I was just standing there rather than taking any action and fought the tears that threatened to spill. They were an inevitability, I supposed, after the night I'd had. Feeling vulnerable had reminded me of how safe I had felt whenever he had been around. It was hard to be afraid when I had a vampire around who I thought would do anything to keep me alive. I had been stupid enough to fall for another one. The second time had hurt way more than the first, but I knew I would survive. There really wasn't a choice. I also knew with absolute certainty that I would never fall in love again. Not even a human could convince me to give my heart away again after the way I had been treated – twice.

A knock on my door startled me from my reflections. For a moment, I considered not answering it, but I decided any distraction was better than standing there mourning the events from my past that I could not change. Somehow, I had to learn how to make the most of my future. I would become the very best doctor I could be and make it my mission to help every single person I could. There were even brochures on my counter regarding the Doctors Without Borders program. The idea of traveling to areas where medical care was scarce appealed to me greatly.

A second round of knocking moved me to action. I quickly made my way to the front of the house. The closer I got, however, the less certain I was that I should open the door.

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**Disclaimer:** All things relating to Twilight belong solely to Stephenie Meyer. No harm intended here.

**A/N:** My sincerest apologies for not updating sooner. As some of you already know, I am in the process of moving. We've gone for 1,000 square feet to over 2,000 so it's been interesting. Plus, whoever owned this house before us obviously didn't believe in Spring cleaning. The baseboards alone will take me months to get clean and I can't stand the idea of just painting over dirt. Silly, I know but true nonetheless. So, I've been working my butt off trying to keep up with my little man, clean and organize our new home. Not that any of this makes the delay any more forgivable.

Thank you so much for reading and reviewing. I promise I read every single review even if I don't always respond! They mean the world to me to get them :-) I hope you enjoyed this shorter than normal chapter and hope you understand why it just naturally ended where it did. I hope to update again within a week...


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter Sixteen**

**Completely Unexpected**

After taking a deep, calming breath, I unlocked the front door and opened it quickly. I knew if I stalled any longer, I would completely lose the small amount of courage I still possessed. The events of the previous night were still wreaking havoc on my already rattled nerves. Also, as much as I tried to deny how much I continued to feel the effects of being deserted again, I knew Carlisle's hasty and complete exit from my life was slowly destroying me. With a renewed sense of determination, I looked up to face my unexpected visitor, hoping he or she would try selling me a vacuum or something similar so I could kill a few hours or more listening to the sales pitch. Heck, I might even have bought something just as a thank you for the very welcome distraction.

Alas, a door-to-door salesperson was not what I found on the other side of my door; not that I had truly believed I would be so lucky. Standing there in all his forever-seventeen-year-old glory was the first being to break my heart. Of course, he remained utterly unchanged. Somehow, I was still surprised that he looked _exactly_ the same. Not even a hair on his head was different. Shock kept me standing there as he took in the ways in which the years since we had last seen each other had altered me. I could easily read the shock written all over his face. He wasn't wearing an indecipherable expression like he had been that day in the woods.

Finally, we both seemed to come out of the daze seeing each other again had put us in, and we both started to speak at the same time. After a brief, awkward pause, Edward encouraged me to continue.

"You first, please, Bella. It's been far too long since I've heard your beautiful voice," Edward stated as he took a step in my direction. Reflexively, I took a step back and felt a twinge of guilt when a look of sadness graced his perfect features. I was honestly astounded that his mere presence still affected me so much. It also angered me a little.

"What are you doing here?" I questioned rather rudely, but I had to ask. It was the most important of all the things floating around in my mind that I wanted to say.

"I came to see you. I just couldn't keep myself away from you any longer. Plus, I owe you an apology." He smiled shyly, and I began to wonder what he had been doing with himself during all this time apart. Gone was the overly confident boy I used to know.

"Edward, do you want to come inside?" I asked without thinking it through first. The sun was occasionally peeking through the clouds, so my concern about of the possibility of him sparkling if the beams happened to hit his skin overrode my judgment.

"Yes, thank you. I didn't want to ask, of course, but nothing would make me happier than getting a chance to spend more time with you." For the first time ever, Edward seemed extremely nervous around me. I didn't think it was due solely to his overwhelming bloodlust for what flowed through my veins, yet everything to do with my close proximity. This was unfamiliar territory. His ever-present calm had always allowed me to forget, and even under appreciate, the threat his mere presence posed to my fragile mortality. That unruffled façade had helped keep me from feeling the way I probably should have around him. The fact remained that he was a vampire and he wanted the blood that coursed through my veins more than any other.

"I hope being in here with me doesn't make you uncomfortable." I tried to keep my tone teasing but was pretty sure I failed miserably.

"Oh, Bella, I can understand why you would be worried, but, I assure you, the days of wanting to consume you like _that_ are long gone. Just having the opportunity to be near you again has cured any desire I ever had to devour your blood. All of me very much wants you alive, or existing at the very least." He smirked after saying the last part and I wondered if he had changed his mind about wanting me to become a vampire. His speech was full of all kinds of innuendo that I had no idea what to think.

Edward took advantage of my surprised state by pulling me into his arms as he walked us into the house and closed the door behind him. All coherent thought fled from my mind as soon as I felt his cold touch. I pushed back the shame I felt over wishing the arms belonged to another and allowed him to hold me tight. For the first time in months, I felt safe…and wanted. Edward was here. I concentrated on that alone, relishing the few minutes of serenity his being there could provide. I knew it wouldn't last long, but I wanted it nonetheless. His right hand came up between us and pressed to my chest directly over my heart. We just stood there for several long moments as he whispered to me how much he had missed the sound and feeling of my heartbeat.

There was a time when I would have given anything for just a few more moments like these with Edward. The way my heart reacted to his gentle touch made me wonder if a part of me still would. He had once been everything to me, and I needed something, anything really, to make me feel whole again or, at least, better than I had since Carlisle's abrupt exit from my life. I leaned into his embrace, sandwiching his hand between our bodies. It was wrong, I knew that, but I couldn't stop myself. My head came to rest on his chest and I greedily inhaled his unique scent, allowing it to bring me comfort.

"God, Bella, I never believed I would have a chance to hold you like this again. I'm honored and flabbergasted, but so glad that I can't even…I don't think there are words," Edward whisper-stuttered into my hair, taking a deep breath.

"Edward, I don't know if this is good for either of us, but I appreciate having you here right now more than you'll ever know," I replied honestly, worried that he thought my reaction meant more than what it did.

"I'll take whatever you are willing to give for as long as you are willing to give it." His words were so sincere and made me feel the tiniest bit better about taking advantage of his presence in such a way. Hopefully, he wouldn't be too angry with me if he found out the real reasons behind my letting him stay.

We talked for hours, catching up on the things we had missed over the years. I left out anything regarding the rest of the Cullens and felt horrible for doing so. The fear of his possible reactions, and mine, kept me from revealing my more recent interactions with all but one other member of his family. I realized how selfish that was, but it didn't stop me. If Edward knew about my relationship with Carlisle, he would be devastated. There was no doubt in my mind about that.

He was absolutely surprised when I told him about going through medical school and that I was completing my residency. He actually told me he was proud of all I had accomplished. It was hard to mesh this version of Edward with the one I had known in Forks. Back then, he had acted every bit the seventeen year old he evermore would outwardly remain. Watching him tell me about all he had gone through, I realized our separation had aged him in ways he could never do physically. Despite his body's frozen state, he had matured and grown so much. I guessed we had both changed in our own ways.

"I've missed you, Edward. Despite how much I try not to, sometimes I can't help wondering what my life would have been like if you had never left," I confessed truthfully.

"Not a day goes by that I don't wonder the same. Seeing you now, however, I can't regret it. As stupid as I've come to realize my decision was, I'm totally in awe of the woman you have become. You're so much stronger and sure of yourself, and I'm even more in love with you than ever. You know I never stopped loving you, right? That I lied to you that day when I told you I didn't want you anymore?"

"You left because you thought I was better off without you." It was a statement, not a question. "And made decisions that weren't yours to make," I added as a way to let him know that I understood why he left, but I would never agree with his reasoning.

"I'm sorry. I know that's not enough and never will be, but I am truly sorry. In a lot of ways, I was still just a seventeen year old boy. Living without you has definitely made me reevaluate a lot of things, though."

"Have you had any contact with your family recently?" I had to ask, but I was worried about where my question might lead. Lying by omission was one thing and outright lying another.

"Just Esme, mostly," he stated sadly. "I miss them all, but I just can't face them. I'm not the only one who was hurt when I forced my entire family to leave Forks. Alice, especially, may never forgive me for that. She loves you so much."

His confession brought tears to my eyes. I couldn't believe he really seemed to comprehend the far-reaching ramifications of his actions. He really had changed. I still wasn't impressed by his continued choice not to contact the rest of the Cullens. I was glad that Esme, at least, still had her son in her life. I couldn't even imagine how much harder everything would have been for her if he had severed all ties with her as well. As much as I may not have understood some of her decisions, I knew her family was important to her, and Edward had a special place in her heart.

"I'm sure Esme appreciates hearing from you. I think you'd be surprised if you gave the rest of your family a chance too."

"I never would have believed that before today. Your reaction has given me hope for the first time in over nine years. You've given that to me, Bella, even though I certainly don't deserve it." He brought my hand up to his lips and gently kissed each of my knuckles before pressing my palm against his cheek.

The gesture was almost more than I could take. Edward was saying all the right things and making all the right moves. For a brief moment, I wondered if I could just give into his advances; if I could go back to loving him without regret. He may not be what I truly wanted anymore, but he had once been everything. Maybe he could be again. Giving him another chance would probably be so easy. There was just one problem with that notion…no, I couldn't let my mind wander there.

"You never did see yourself clearly." I spoke the words so similar to what he had said to me when we first started dating, causing him to smile in remembrance.

"I guess we both need to work on that," he responded through soft laughter.

Edward helped me make myself dinner later that evening. We needed to discuss the more serious aspects of his reappearance, but I decided that could wait until morning. I really didn't want to disrupt this happy little cocoon we'd created. For the moment, I still wanted to push away the darkness. For once, I was being selfish, basking in the light, taking what I could from the one person who was willing to give it.

"I love you, Bella," was whispered in my ear as I drifted off to sleep that night. I let my heart believe it was the voice I so desperately wanted it to be, consequences be damned.

Edward was still there when I awoke the next morning. I tried to ignore the way his eyes on me made me feel. He'd obviously stayed, watching me sleep all night. I wondered if I still talked in my sleep. Carlisle had mentioned a few things here and there, but he had never come out and said whether I said things on a regular basis. The dream from the night before had vanished as soon as I opened my eyes, so I had no idea if I should be concerned or not.

"You didn't say anything intelligible," Edward stated as if he had been reading my mind. I lifted an eyebrow in question. He just laughed and shook his head. "Don't worry, your mind is still as quiet as ever," he assured me. "And I would still give anything to hear you."

"We really need to talk, I know, but I've had a rough few months. Do you think it can wait a little while longer?"

He nodded and smiled before leaving the room so that I could get ready for my day. Work was as distracting as ever, but coming home to Edward made forgetting my heartache that much harder. Inadvertently, he reminded me of all I had lost; not only when I was eighteen, but also a few months before. I wanted to forget the pain and the longing I constantly felt. Without consciously making the decision to do so, I began accepting Edward back into my life wholeheartedly. I knew he wanted more than I had to give, but I wanted whatever comfort I could find. After all I had been through thanks to him and his family, I figured Edward owed me at least that. He could give me relief. He could give me immortality. He could give me what I'd wanted for so long. Asking him to change me wasn't at the forefront of my mind, but I knew I still wanted it. For over ten years, I'd longed to feel like an equal to the supernatural beings in my life, and I was determined to take any opportunity to find that level ground. Even if the real reason I desired that life no longer desired me.

The next few days brought a new routine, and I was quickly beginning to find way too much solace in Edward's presence. He was there every morning when I left for work and there whenever I returned home afterward. He took care of me. He prepared meals for me. He was exactly what I needed when I needed it. We talked and got to know each other again – slowly this time. He was filling the void the other Cullens created when they left. I never should have let him, but I did.

Believing that it could last was foolish. I knew that the whole time. Knowing didn't change the fact that I allowed it to happen. I wasn't naïve enough to believe there wasn't a part of me that relished the idea of how much it would hurt Carlisle if he knew. I had no idea I could be that vindictive.

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**Disclaimer**: SM owns all Twilight related elements, I just like to play around with the characters we love.

**A/N**: Yeah, um...I'm really sorry about how long it has taken me to get this chapter posted. This one was really hard. I knew it had to happen, but that doesn't mean I wanted it to. I hope you don't hate it. You had to know Edward was going to show up at some point, right? I mean, it's just the way he is.

So, do you think Edward is as clueless as he seems about what Bella has been up to recently?


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter Seventeen**

Life Goes On

Somehow the month of June snuck up on me. Charlie was getting married in just over a week and I still had so much to do to be ready for his big day. I hadn't even tried on the dress Sue had sent me to wear to the wedding. If it didn't fit, I was going to be in a lot of trouble. There wasn't enough time to get it altered at this point.

Due to my hectic schedule, and shitty personal life, I hadn't made the trek home in a long time. Thanksgiving and Christmas were always busy days at the hospital and most of the tenured doctors wanted the spend them with their families, so there was no way a lowly first year resident such as myself was going to be given time off on those days. I'd only made the drive down to Forks once since the holidays, and Charlie was really starting to give me a hard time about it. At least I had been granted some extra vacation time to help out with getting things ready before the big day. I hoped my getting there earlier than I originally expected would make up for the months I had been absent. Staying away just seemed easier in light of my poor emotional state, especially since no one in Forks was aware of my most recent heartbreak.

Miraculously, the dress Sue wanted me to wear fit perfectly; all my cases at the hospital were closed or reassigned; and I was finally ready to spend seven days away from work. Edward was disappointed that he couldn't go with me, but we both agreed it wouldn't be a good idea. The wolves would sniff him out pretty easily, so there was no hiding him from them. I really didn't want to have to deal with facing Jake's wrath over Edward's presence. Edward thought I was ashamed of him when, really, I was embarrassed that I had let him back into my life, and I hated the thought of how everyone would react. Not that I would ever tell him that. Plus, my dad would be furious with me and would try to shoot Edward if he knew. Jake and the rest of the pack would be no less willing to end his existence before ripping me a new one for being so stupid.

As much as it pained me, I decided I wasn't going to tell my best friend about Edward any time soon. Jake had been furious enough when I told him about Carlisle, and he didn't even know our relationship had gone way over the line of being purely professional. I swear he would have gone after Carlisle when he first found out about the doctor's reappearance in my life if I hadn't stopped him. Surprisingly, Sam had been a big help there, reminding him of their roles as protectors and that Dr. Cullen had done nothing to deserve his wrath. When Jake remained unconvinced, Sam had actually ordered Jake to stay away from Carlisle. That order hadn't included any of the other members of the Cullen family, however, so there was no way Edward would get away unscathed if Jake came across his path.

"Bells, it's good to see you, kiddo," Dad greeted me from the living room as I walked through the door. He really was getting so much better at voicing his appreciation for the people in his life. I couldn't help the warm smile that appeared on my face at the sight of him.

"It's good to be home," I acknowledged honestly as he pulled me into a tight hug. He was getting better at showing affection too.

"Is that Bella?" Sue called from the kitchen. A second later, she appeared, wiping her hands on a towel as she made her way over to us. She too grabbed me and hugged me. In that moment, I felt truly loved and it was a good feeling.

"So, how are the wedding details coming together and what do you need me to do?" I asked before I made my way up to put my bag in my old room.

When I came back downstairs, Sue bombarded me with everything that still needed to be done before the ceremony. She then sat me at the table and placed little pieces of ribbon in front of me along with the other things I would need to put together the favor bags. The tedious task was easy but time consuming. I relished having something to occupy my mind and keep my thoughts from straying to unhappy places. Just as I finished the last one, Sue announced dinner was almost ready. She asked me to help set the table after we both boxed all the little bags I had just filled.

Being back home was exactly what I needed. Each minute that passed brought me more out of the stupor I had been in for so long. We talked about my work and where I wanted to end up in my career. Dad couldn't hide his smile when I mentioned that I had considered opening a family practice here in Forks. The idea of having such wonderful friends and family around to support me made the notion that much more appealing. Just as we were clearing the table, Seth walked in and immediately made his way over to me. He gave me a strong bear hug, telling me he was really happy to see me.

Seth had felt like a little brother long before our parents got together. He'd grown so much in the last few years, though, that it was hard to think of him as a little _anything_ anymore. He was second only to Jake in height and weight, but he out ate all of the pack members. Seth was so adorably sweet that he was easy to be around and love on. His affectionate personality never made me uncomfortable, allowing me to find solace in his close presence rather than feel awkward.

I decided to sit with him while he ate his dinner. Once he was finished, he helped me clean up the remaining dishes. We caught up on each other's lives, and I was happy to hear he was dating a nice girl he'd met while attending the community college in Port Angeles. He was bringing her to the wedding, so I was glad I would be able to meet her soon. Seth and I continued talking and joking around until I was practically falling asleep at the table. For once, I was too tired for my thoughts to wander as I drifted off to sleep. I even somehow avoided the nightmares that plagued me.

Sue was relatively calm considering her wedding day was closing in on us at an alarming rate. She made sure everything was in order and barely needed any help. Leah came over a few times but didn't talk much or offer her assistance. Sue said she was just grateful to have her daughter around more.

Shortly after I'd started medical school, Leah had decided she needed a break from the pack and disappeared for almost three years. She checked in every month or so but refused to tell anyone where she was. The day she returned, Sue amazed me by slapping her daughter across the face before pulling her into a tight embrace. A mother's love really knew no bounds. For her part, Leah apologized and promised she would never run off again. Considering she seemed quite attached to her current boyfriend, I believed she'd finally found a reason to stay.

The morning of the ceremony, I awoke early to help with any last minute details before getting myself ready for the noon wedding. Sue had chosen similar dresses for Leah and me to wear. She and Charlie didn't want a wedding court, but they did want to include their children. So, Seth was wearing a suit with a tie that matched the color of Leah's and my dresses. The pale blue looked beautiful against Leah's dark skin. I liked that the design of the dress was long and tasteful. I think Seth was just glad he didn't have to wear pink.

The weather seemed to be cooperating as we prepared to make our way to the front of the section of chairs set out for the ceremony. Sue would be the only one walking down the makeshift aisle which was a leveled length of sand with rose petals lining each side. I was so glad Sue had stuck with the beach wedding idea even though there was a good chance of it being rained out. Tents were set up nearby that would hold the reception, and were the plan B in case of bad weather. It was all really beautiful.

The wedding was amazing. Hearing Charlie say the vows he had written for his bride brought tears to my eyes. I was shocked when I learned they were writing their own vows. I didn't think Charlie had it in him. The words he spoke to Sue, however, proved me so very wrong. As he promised to cherish her for the rest of his life, I almost broke under the emotions that were crushing me. I realized I wanted that. I wanted a man to love me as much as Charlie loved Sue. The idea that I may never know the feeling of having a man declare his devotion in front of God and everybody, made the ache in my heart turn into a raging inferno of despair.

After the happy couple headed off to start their life together, I lingered out on the sand of First Beach. The heels I was forced to wear made walking difficult, so I slipped them off and buried my toes in the cool peoples beneath my feet. The sun was on its way to disappearing behind the horizon before I realized I was standing there crying. I had probably been there for a few hours. My cheeks were covered with dry tears, and I was freezing. The breeze had picked up as the evening approached.

I turned to leave only to see Jake come barreling out of the edge of the woods and scaring me half to death. His eyes searched the area frantically before he quickly closed the distance between us. He was obviously checking to see if we had an audience to gauge how fast he could move. His blurring form indicated we were alone.

"Bells, you have to come with me now!" His words sounded anxious, putting me on alert immediately.

"What is it, Jake? What's wrong?" When he didn't answer right away I continued with my relentless questioning. "Is someone hurt? Should I grab my bag?"

"Just come on, Bella. I don't think anything you have is going to make a difference," he stated flatly as he practically dragged me into the trees behind my house.

Before I could protest, he scooped me up into his arms and took off at an inhuman pace. I was definitely beyond terrified at this point. He still hadn't told me what had him so concerned. What came into view only a few minutes later took the wind right out of my sails. The love of my life was balled up on the forest floor writhing as if he were in a great deal of pain. I cried out in horror at the scene before me.

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**Disclaimer: **SM owns it, not me. No harm intended here.

**A/N: **So...I'm sure you'd like to know what that's all about, huh? Sorry for the delay, again. The middle of this chapter alluded me for a while. I didn't want to go into minute detail of the wedding, but I didn't wan to completely black it out either. Hopefully, I found a good balance.

Thanks so much for all your reviews and support of this story. I can't even tell you how much I appreciate it. I know I'm horrible at responding, but I promise I read and cherish every review, PM you send me!

Thanks!

~SP


	18. Chapter 18

Honestly, you all have Ivorygirl1990 for this update. I wasn't going to post it until tomorrow, but she sent me a sweet PM asking for a quick update, and it motivated me to get through editing this chapter tonight. :-) **  
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**Chapter Eighteen**

Finding Hope Again

For several moments, I was unable to comprehend what I was seeing. He was supposed to be invulnerable. So, why was Carlisle laying there in such obvious agony? I just couldn't make the images unfolding before me make sense in my brain. Apparently, somewhere in my head, I knew this was truly happening because I was still screaming. My reaction was just making the situation worse, though. I needed to calm down and do something, anything. So, I forced myself into action. Carlisle may not be human, but there had to be something I could do to help. Certainly, all my years of education could provide some type of relief for his suffering.

As I approached, I noticed a clear substance oozing from his numerous wounds. From my limited knowledge of the vampire anatomy, I assumed it to be venom. I swore that if he survived this, I would make Carlisle tell me everything he knew about his physiology. Since I didn't have his vast experience, I would have to rely on my instincts. I reached down and tore a strip of material off the bottom of my dress. It wasn't like I was ever going to wear it again anyway. I used the cloth to wipe the fluid evenly over the wounds, remembering something from years back regarding the venom actually having healing properties.

He didn't seem to have an abundance of the fluid, and I had to work fast because it dried very quickly once it was exposed to air. Within seconds, I could tell my efforts were not futile. It was almost mesmerizing to watch his wounds seemingly heal themselves.

Once I was satisfied that the most gruesome injuries were at least beginning to mend, I moved on to assess his overall condition. If he were human, I would be prepping him for a blood transfusion. I knew of no means of replacing his type of bodily fluid, however, so I had to think of another way to replenish his system.

"Jake," I called, hoping he'd be willing to help. He had brought me here after all, and the pack was hovering around us as if they were concerned about Carlisle's wellbeing.

"I'm here, Bells." Jake's voice assured from close behind me.

"He needs to feed, Jake. Please, I need you to get whatever you can find and bring it to him," I pled without even turning to look at him. I was too focused on the blackness of Carlisle's eyes.

I was vaguely aware of Jake barking out orders to some of his pack mates, but I was too preoccupied with my patient to pay attention to much else. Carlisle's skin was impossibly even more pale than usual, and his face was twisted in an expression of pure pain. Having done all I could think to do until food arrived, I began gently caressing his face and head in hopes that my attentions would help comfort him somehow. I had never felt more helpless in my entire life. His healing seemed to have slowed, and I worried that his injuries were too vast for even his resilient body.

"Here, Bells." A large buck was thrashing in Jake's arms as he held it as close to us as he dared.

I quickly stepped out of the way, knowing I needed to let Jake handle this aspect of Carlisle's care. Jake acted quickly, breaking the massive animal's neck as if it were no more difficult than swatting a fly. He lowered the limp body down to Carlisle's mouth. I held my breath unable to do anything other than watch. When Carlisle didn't immediately respond to the deer's presence, Jake practically shoved its neck into Carlisle's mouth. Without even opening his eyes, Carlisle suddenly responded to the presence of the deer's blood. Faster than I could comprehend, he was on the large mammal, draining it of its blood.

Red liquid dribbled down Carlisle's chin in his hast to drink his meal. I could tell he was only vaguely aware of his actions. Once he drained the large deer completely, he cast the carcass aside like a ragged doll and groped around for more. A doe was then thrown into his arms, and he devoured it just as quickly as he had the buck. I looked around, noticing several of the guys had thrashing animals, waiting to see if they would be needed.

I turned back to Carlisle and realized his gashes were once again starting to repair themselves. Apparently, feeding was exactly what he needed. A sigh of relief escaped my lips as I finally allowed myself to hope. The scene before me was still grim, but it no longer seemed as grave. Jake pulled me into his side and smiled cautiously in silent reassurance. There would be no way I could ever thank him enough. I would forever be indebted to him and the rest of the pack.

Carlisle drained another large deer before he finally seemed to slow a little. After finishing his third one, he rolled to his back and whimpered. I rushed back to his side and scrutinized his more serious wounds. I decided to wipe them with his venom once more. That seemed to help as they began to close even faster. Soon, his skin was as smooth as I remembered. He looked serene other than his tattered clothing and knotted hair. His shirt and pants were ripped to the point that they were barely able to remain hanging on his form. His feet were bare and his nails were caked with dirt. I wondered what on earth had happened to leave him so disheveled. This just wasn't like Carlisle at all.

We all waited for some kind of indication that Carlisle was going to be okay. I was so touched by the fact that not a single member showed any signs of wanting to leave. Every once in a while one or two guys would phase and disappear into the woods for an hour or so, but they would always return, nodding at Jake before returning to their spot in the protective circle they'd formed around Carlisle and me. I guessed they were patrolling the surrounding areas to make sure we all remained safe.

The sun began to rise before there was any change. The sounds of agony began to fade and Carlisle reached out to touch my hand. It wasn't much, but it was enough to give me at least a small amount of optimism.

"Come on, Carlisle, open your eyes. I need you to get better so I can kick your ass for leaving me without so much as a goodbye," I whispered to him only half kidding. I knew I probably wouldn't be able to stay mad at him, but I sure as hell was getting an explanation. He owed me that much.

A small smile twitched at his lips, and I knew he was starting to return to himself. That was the only way I knew to describe it. Ever since Jake had brought me to him, Carlisle had seemed to be relying on his more animalistic side. The pain he was suffering probably played a large role in his behavior. Only afterward, had I entertained the thought of how much danger I had put myself in while trying to help him. He hadn't been a man then. He had been the beast, and the beast likely would not have thought twice about killing me. Despite his obvious hunger, however, he had not made any motion to attack me. Maybe the man I loved still existed in there somewhere. At this point, I could only hope that was the case. His current actions were leading me to believe he was getting better or was at least starting to do so. I both longed for and dreaded his recovery.

There were still so many questions regarding his disappearance months earlier and the state in which he showed up in the woods outside of Forks. I wasn't certain I could handle all the answers. So, I waited with a heavy heart as he continued to show signs of improvement. This wasn't exactly how I had planned to spend the rest of my week away from the hospital. As I sat there debating whether or not I even wanted to stay with Carlisle and risk being there when he recovered, my phone rang. I looked at the caller ID and saw Edward's name on the screen. He would rush over here if I didn't answer, but he would know immediately from my tone that something was wrong if I did answer. More than ever before, I wished I could lie effectively.

"Hello, Edward," I answered timidly.

Carlisle's response was unexpected and immediate. As soon as he heard me speak Edward's name, he growled angrily before grabbing me and pulling me behind him as he believed Edward to be nearby somewhere. Edward's frantic voice echoed on the other end of the line.

"Bella, what's going on? Are you okay? Who is there with you?" Edward's tone was desperate, and I knew I needed to reassure him that I was fine or he would start running in this direction in an effort to get to me and save me.

"I'm fine, everything's fine," I offered in an attempt to placate his obvious concern.

"I heard that growl, Bella. Tell me who has you, and I swear I will make them pay for ever coming near you," he demanded.

"It's not what you think. I promise I'm okay." I rushed through my assurances, trying to prevent Edward from showing up here.

Judging by Carlisle's reaction at hearing Edward's name, I knew if the two were to meet there would be some type of confrontation. Carlisle was in no way strong enough for that, and I needed to know why the hell he responded the way he did. I had no clue how to convince Edward to stay put, though. Looking around, my eyes settled on Jake. Once again, I was going to ask my best friend for a huge favor.

"Hi, Ed, it's Jake. Sorry about the confusion, but I wasn't exactly expecting to hear Bella ever say your name again. I'm sure you can understand the reason for my reaction, bloodsucker," Jake spat into the phone after I quietly begged him to intervene. He had reluctantly taken the phone but not before giving me a look that let me know he was not happy.

"Listen, mutt, if you do anything to hurt her, I promise I will make sure you suffer a slow and painful death." I heard Edward's response as Jake held the phone to my ear. He didn't need to have it close to him to be able to hear what Edward was saying. The growl rumbling in Jake's chest let me know he wasn't pleased. I would definitely have some explaining to do later.

"Don't worry, leech, I've been doing a perfectly good job of keeping Bella safe since you left," Jake stabbed in retort.

Maybe asking Jake to talk to Edward wasn't the best idea after all. The two continued to argue over the phone while Carlisle began to pace in obvious agitation. He kept casting accusatory glances in my direction. There was a good possibility he was angry regarding Edward's return to my life. Not that he had any right to have an opinion in the matter. He was the one who abandoned me. How dare he judge me for my actions and choices? I could feel the anger bubbling under the surface of my control.

"No, there's no reason for you to show up here. Bella doesn't need you now or ever again." Jake slammed my phone shut with so much force that I feared it was broken.

"Thank you, Jake," I whispered as I pulled him to me in an attempt to help calm him. He was starting to shake violently, and I needed him to keep his form under control. I feared that if he phased, Carlisle would react without thought.

"I'm sorry, Bella. I'm afraid I just made things worse instead of better. I don't know how you ever had feelings for that…that, you know what." Jake let out a frustrated sigh.

Considering the circumstances, I figured the conversation between Jake and Edward could have gone much worse. Jake was barely keeping his anger at bay, and I feared that at any moment he would lose the precarious hold he had over his emotions. The whole situation was becoming too much for me to bear. My knees began to wobble as spots appeared in my line of sight. Carlisle's concerned expression was the last thing I saw before darkness clouded everything.

* * *

**Disclaimer: **Mrs. Meyer owns the Twilight universe. No harm intended here.

**A/N:** I can't even begin to tell you how much all your support has meant to me. I truly appreciate everyone who reads this story. Each time an alert, favorite or review notice dings in my inbox I swear I jump up and down it makes me so happy! I know this isn't the most popular pairing, but it's one I've always wanted to explore. I hope I'm doing it justice!


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter Nineteen**

Truth is the Hardest Thing

When I finally regained consciousness, I almost immediately began sobbing uncontrollably. After everything I'd endured the past three months, I figured I was allowed to have at least one major breakdown. Unfortunately, it was Jake's arms that reached out to comfort me instead of Carlisle's. As disappointed as I was, though, I knew it was for the best. I was still much too angry with him. He left me and I had no idea why or if he even had a reason. Jake's embrace was warm, and I let him hold me as I purged all my pent up emotions.

Carlisle was obviously well on his way to recovery, so my presence was no longer necessary. Not that it probably ever was. Trying hard to regain control, I used Jake to keep me steady as I stood up and brushed all the dirt from my lower body. I would not allow my eyes to look in the direction where I knew Carlisle was standing.

"Jake, will you please take me to my dad's? I'm exhausted, and I really can't be here right now," I requested quietly, fighting the tears that still wanted to come.

"Of course, Bells, whatever you want." Jake's reassurance was enough for the moment. He had never failed me. Not even when he was ordered to stay away from me and keep the secret of the pack. He always found a way to be my pillar of strength.

"Bella, please, don't leave," Carlisle pled as I began to climb onto Jake's back.

There was no way I was strong enough to deal with the conversation he and I needed to have, so I wordlessly urged Jake to take me away from there. He ran at a quick pace all the way but never went as fast as I knew he could. I wondered if he thought I would change my mind along the way. I didn't. There really was no excuse good enough for me to just forgive Carlisle outright. So, in my mind, there really was no point in hashing it out with him before I was ready. I was finished letting others control my life. I was through simply forgiving and forgetting.

"Thank you, Jacob." I hugged him goodbye after many assurances that I just needed some time alone. I knew he or one of the other members of the pack would stay nearby to guard me, but there was nothing I could do about that. Nor did I want to because I wanted them to keep _all_ the vampires away from me for the time being.

I carefully made my way upstairs and into the shower. Standing there until the water ran cold, I wondered what the next few days would bring. Carlisle wouldn't wait forever for his chance to say whatever he had wanted to tell me in the clearing. I also knew I wouldn't be able to stand not having the answers to all of my questions now that he was around to actually answer them. I promised myself, however, that I would take a couple of days to simply digest the events of the previous night and what they could mean for my future. There would be no decisions made, though, before I got a chance to sleep.

After changing into my pajamas, I headed to my bedroom and crawled into bed. I was asleep within seconds of wrapping myself into my blanket cocoon. Somehow, I managed to get a full eight hours of peaceful rest. My slumber was not plagued by nightmares or restless dreams. I woke up feeling somewhat refreshed for the first time in recent memory. After having my morning coffee and cooking a light breakfast, I realized I needed to start making some important choices. I hadn't planned on returning to Seattle until the following day, but I wasn't sure if I wanted to linger in Forks any longer. I decided I would call Jacob and get his thoughts on my leaving a day early. Knowing Jake, he'd probably fight me on it. He was going to be even more overprotective than usual now that he knew I had allowed not just Carlisle but practically the whole Cullen family back into my life. Well, he would know after I talked to him anyway. I was going to tell him everything.

I quickly realized I should have told Jake sooner. His words and advice proved to be impartial and invaluable. I had no idea why I ever doubted him. I could have saved myself a lot of stress if I'd just been honest with him from the beginning. He listened without interrupting as I explained the reappearance of every Cullen, minus Esme. When I finished, he pulled me into a tight hug before he started going through his thoughts on what I'd told him. Jacob may have been two years younger than me, but he had somehow surpassed me in the wisdom department. I guessed being an integral part of the supernatural world would do that for you. He'd seen and done much more than people twice his age.

After our long talk, Jake and I worked out a compromise regarding the pack watching over me when I returned home. I tried to convince him that I didn't need any bodyguards, but he wouldn't budge on it. I think he felt the need to protect me from myself as well as the evils that seemed to find me no matter where I hid.

Needless to say, Edward was not ecstatic with the wolves' presence. He tried to convince me I didn't need anyone else watching over me, but he seemed to fail to understand that I didn't have a choice in the matter either. Of course, he also remained unaware of what happened with Carlisle while I was gone. I knew that I had to tell him, eventually. There were just so many uncertainties regarding his reaction to the news about his pseudo father. Not to mention that I would have to reveal that I hadn't exactly been forthcoming about my more recent interactions with his family. Seriously, why me?

We returned to our normal routine as much as possible after my return. I had to do a lot more cooking. Knowing they were there for my protection, made me feel the need to keep whoever was watching over me fed. I also had to play the role of peacemaker between my vampire protector and wolf guards. They refused to be nice, but I told them they didn't have a choice but to be civil. After all, they were all there for the same reason, and I pointed out that if they wanted to keep me safe they needed to pay attention to more than fighting with each other. That worked for about two days before they were back to bickering like two year olds again. I was really starting to lose my patience.

Six days after I returned to Seattle, the matter of when to tell Edward about what happened after my dad's wedding was taken out of my hands entirely. I should have known it wouldn't be easy. Carlisle hadn't attempted to contact me in any way since I left Forks, so I assumed he was letting me have time to think and would allow me to be the one to reach out to him. Apparently, making such an assumption was stupid. My phone rang as I was leaving the hospital after another long shift, and an annoyed Jake greeted me when I answered.

"I told him you don't want to see him yet, but he won't take no for an answer. I really don't have an excuse to fight him and break the treaty," Jake started without even saying hello first and began rambling without giving me any indication who he was talking about.

"Jake," I interrupted him mid-rant, needing less ambiguous information. "Who won't take no for an answer?" I asked.

"Carlisle is probably on his way to meet you at the hospital. He initially wanted to wait for you at your house, but I figured that would be worse since the douche is hanging out there. He refused to leave, so I had to choose the lesser of two evils and tell him you were working today and when your shift was scheduled to end. I'm sorry. I know you wanted more time before having to see him again. I really tried to get him to wait at least a few more days, but he was adamant about seeing you tonight."

"It's okay, Jake, I'm sure you did everything you could. Thank you for sending him here. It definitely is better than him running into Edward before I get a chance to figure out exactly what to tell each of them about the other. This is just so messed up that it's ridiculous. Thanks for the warning," I assured. Jacob was the last person who should feel guilty about the clusterfuck I'd made of my life.

I approached my car slowly knowing that Carlisle was around somewhere. I found it hard to believe I had beaten him to the parking garage. I'd been stopped twice on my way down after talking to Jake, so I knew Carlisle had plenty of time to get there. So, why the hell wasn't he making his presence known?

I really couldn't risk him following me home, so I leaned against my car and crossed my arms over my chest determined to wait him out. The late hour and eerie shadows made trying to act all nonchalant rather difficult, though. I had to fight against the urge to get in my car and speed away from the place. Knowing that an angry vampire possibly lurked in the darkness wasn't helping much either. I couldn't help remembering how primal Carlisle had seemed when he was wounded. I knew his survival instincts had kicked in and caused him to act that way, but it didn't really help calm me down at that moment. I had to take a few slow, deep breaths to get my emotions under control. If Jake thought Carlisle were a danger to me, no amount of arguing on Carlisle's part would have gotten Jake to tell him where to find me. Not that he needed Jake's help to find out where I worked. Bringing Jake into it seemed more like a tactic to discover where I lived.

"Hello, Isabella." His voice rang through the silence around us. Slowly, as if not to startle me, he stepped out of his hiding place not more than twenty feet away from where I stood. "I presume Jacob told you I would be here," he continued when I didn't return his greeting.

"Yes," I stated as calmly as I could. His close proximity was sending me into fit of emotions.

"I'm sorry to just show up like this. I truly wanted this to be on your terms, but I'm afraid I couldn't wait any longer. I can't even begin to imagine how difficult these past few months have been for you, and I know no apology or explanation I could provide would exonerate me for my sudden departure." He paused in his speech and looked at me expectantly.

"I don't know what you want me to say." My heart pounded in my chest in its desire to be closer to him. I was resolute, however, in my decision to not let him right back into my life. He needed to provide far more than pretty words and roundabout apologies.

"You don't have to say anything. All I'm asking is for the opportunity to provide you with the details surrounding our leave-taking from Seattle and tell you how utterly sorry I am for the pain I'm certain it caused you. Please believe that everything I did and continue to do is for you and you alone."

"Edward is staying at my house, so it's probably best if we don't go there to talk. I just finished a twelve hour rotation, and I'm extremely tired. I'm not even sure if I'm ready to hear anything you have to say, Carlisle."

His reaction to hearing me speak his name was powerful. The earth may have moved a little under my feet. I swear I've never seen a more visceral reaction in all my life. Whatever his reasons for disappearing on me, he loved me. That much was obvious. Unfortunately, love couldn't right the wrongs or repair what was broken.

"Isabella, I need you. Being away from you is pure torture. I could endure a hundred lifetimes of being treated as horribly as I have these last three months better than I could stand another second of being away from you. You're my mate, Isabella. I know you feel it too. I can see it in your eyes." He reached out to touch me as he spoke, and my body betrayed me.

Instantly, I was pulled into his embrace. I sighed at the feeling of him holding me again. This was where I was supposed to be. I knew that for an absolute fact. The problem was all the other things that got in the way and forced a rift between us that seemed too wide to cross. Reluctantly, I pulled away from the man who held my heart despite everything. I kind of hated him for that.

I opened the driver's door of my car and climbed inside with tears streaming down my face. He would follow me home, but I knew he would respect my need for space. It was time to have a long talk with Edward. I would no longer be able to hide from any of this anymore. Honestly, I was relieved. Keeping secrets and lying by omission was hard.

About halfway home, I changed my mind. Stupidly, I stopped right in the middle of an intersection, earning several obscene gestures and honked horns. Before I could catch my breath, the door opened and I was moved to the passenger seat. He drove for about ten minutes before he pulled up to an expensive hotel. We made our way out of the car and to the elevator without saying a word. Carlisle had given my keys to the awaiting valet and provided a room number to identify the car, so I knew he was already staying there. I wondered how long he'd been in town.

"I hoped we would need somewhere private to talk. I reserved a large suite, so you have a separate room to use tonight if you would like. Since you do not have to work tomorrow, I thought you could sleep here and we could talk once you awoke in the morning," he explained.

"Wait, how do you know I don't have to work tomorrow?" I asked in bewilderment before I realized Alice could have easily told him that.

"Well, I checked the schedule while at the hospital today," he stated with a rather sheepish expression on his face.

"If we have any hope of moving forward, we need to be completely honest with each other, Carlisle. Please explain why you look like you have something you'd rather not tell me."

"We will be working together again now that I've returned from my work overseas. As far as the Chief of Staff is concerned, I've been performing charity operations in Afghanistan since I left. He was all too happy to let me resume my position at the hospital."

"Carlisle, how is it that you had time to let the Chief know you were leaving but not me? I was working that day."

"I called him that morning and told him that a friend of mine had set up a makeshift surgical center there but needed to return to the states immediately due to a family emergency. He approved my leave of absence over the phone."

"You could have at least called me," I whined unable to stop myself.

"Maybe we should get some dinner for you and let you get a full night's rest before we delve any further into this conversation. Please, let me order something for you from room service, and you can take a bath while we wait for it to arrive," he offered gently. I could tell he was nervous about my reactions to every word he spoke. I wondered if we'd ever be able to get back to where we had once been so comfortable around each other.

"That sounds like a plan," I responded, knowing I was way too exhausted to think logically anyway.

Carlisle meticulously took care of my every need that night and made sure I was tucked into the bed comfortably before leaving me so I could rest. Being with him but not _being_ with him was rough. I wanted him with every fiber of my being. It physically hurt to be so close yet feeling like he was still so far out of reach. I didn't have any hope that the next day would change that.

Eventually, my mind calmed enough for me to fall asleep. I woke up feeling apprehensive about the day ahead. Part of me wished I could put it off a little longer because so much was riding on the outcome. If Carlisle and I couldn't find a way to move passed the events of the past, we had no hope for a future together. The thought alone had me rushing to the bathroom to empty the meager contents of my stomach. I continued to dry heave until I felt a cold cloth press against my forehead.

"Are you all right now, darling?" Carlisle asked me quietly. The situation reminded me a lot of a similar moment not that long ago, but it seemed like a lifetime had passed since then.

"I think so," I stuttered out through the sobs that threatened to break lose if I lost control for even a second.

Carlisle helped me to my feet and hovered while I brushed my teeth. I walked back out to the bedroom area to find a new set of clothes waiting on the bed for me. I really wasn't surprised. It was a Cullen trait to think ahead like that.

"I ordered some hot tea and a few items from the breakfast menu for you. They should arrive shortly," Carlisle said before leaving the room to allow me to get dressed.

Once I'd eaten all I could, which wasn't much, Carlisle pushed the cart aside and kneeled before me. He grasped my hands and leaned down to rest his forehead against my knuckles. The man was submitting to me in order to show how much control I had over him. The gesture broke through my resolve a little. I reached out and hugged him as best as I could given our positions. He actually began to shake under me, and I worried that I wouldn't be able to handle whatever he had to say. No matter how upset I was, I knew without a doubt that something horrific had to have occurred to cause Carlisle to disappear the way he did.

"We were hunting just outside the city when Alice had a vision. It took us several minutes to calm her down enough to explain what she saw once it was over because she was so upset. When she finally spoke, I wished she hadn't. For once since meeting her, I thought of her gift as more of a curse than a blessing. I would have given anything to remain ignorant of what was to come. In hindsight, I know that the actions we took were the right ones, but I hate that we had to hurt you in the process.

"The Volturi, the self-proclaimed rulers of our world, somehow learned about your unique ability. When Aro, the main leader of the three brothers that make up the Volturi, heard that you could block Edward's ability without even being aware of it, he decided you would make an excellent addition to his guard. Apparently, the fact that you exhibited traits while still human meant that you would be a force to be reckoned with if you ever became a vampire. The Volturi wanted you on their side because they didn't like the idea of you being against them.

"So, they decided to seek you out and force you to join the guard. The only problem was their tracker could not find you. Your powers are already so strong that you shield yourself even now without consciously doing so. It's truly remarkable."

Carlisle paused suddenly and looked toward the bedroom I had slept in the previous night. With a frustrated huff, he stood and walked to the room, reappearing seconds later with my phone in his hand. He was furious about something and was actually growling down at the phone. I worried he might crush it, so I quickly approached him and carefully removed it from his tight grip. When I checked the caller ID, I understood the reason for his frustration. There were twenty three missed calls from Edward. My phone had been on vibrate, so I hadn't heard it but Carlisle clearly had. The last thing on my mind that morning was checking my phone, so I had no idea Edward had been trying so desperately to get a hold of me. Maybe I should have called to let him know I wouldn't be home as expected. He was probably worried about me.

"You should call him. I'm going out, but I'll be back within an hour," Carlisle stated harshly before running, a little too fast to pass as a human, right out the door.

Damn, this day was going to be even worse than I thought.

* * *

**Disclaimer:** Stephenie Meyer is the creator of Twilight, I just like to take her characters and play dress up with them...

**A/N:** I know, I know, I promised this would be out yesterday, but it got so crazy out of hand! So, you get an extra long chapter but you don't get all the answers I was hoping to pack into this one. I had to cut it somewhere because it was just never ending. Carlisle has a lot of explaining to do, after all! And Bella needs a breather to process all this information he's given her. Hang in there!

I have to thank all of you who are not only reading but also taking the time to leave me amazing reviews! I appreciate each of you that gives my story a chance! You all rock. I mean that. I stand in awe of all the kind words you've sent my way, and I can never say enough about how much it means to me.


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter Twenty**

Sometimes Ignorance is Bliss

With trembling hands, I called Edward. I was not looking forward to telling him exactly where I was or who I was with, but I couldn't come up with an explanation that omitted those details without outright lying to him. Telling him over the phone, however, appealed to me even less than lying.

"Bella, thank God. I've been so worried. Where are you? I'll come get you," Edward answered and the guilt started to seep in even more.

"Edward, I'm okay, I promise. I'm sorry I didn't call last night when I realized I wouldn't be going home. I was too exhausted to think straight, and my phone was on silent, so I didn't hear when you called."

"Are you still at the hospital? Sleeping there was probably a smart choice if you were that tired. When will you be home?"

"Um, I'm not exactly sure. I'm off work today, so I may not go straight home from here." I felt lousy for not answering the first question and allowing him to continue to believe that I'd stayed at the hospital because I was too tired to drive home.

"Okay, love, I'm sure you have some_one_ close by in case anything happens. Just keep your phone on you and don't forget to turn the sound back on, all right?" He more demanded than asked, and I could hear the distain in his voice when he alluded to the wolf guard he was certain would be watching over me. I briefly wondered if one of them had followed Carlisle and me to the hotel.

"Of course, I'm sorry that I worried you. I'll see you soon," I assured.

After my call to Edward, I tried to find something to occupy my mind while I waited for Carlisle to return. He had looked so distraught when he practically stormed out after insisting I return Edward's plethora of calls. I was surprised he had let the phone go off that many times before he brought it to my attention. Not that I could blame him for being leery of my renewed closeness with Edward. He probably thought there was more going on between the two of us than there currently was, but I hadn't really gotten a chance to explain that to him. I was more curious about discovering the reasons for his long absence.

After what felt like forever, but was somehow only about thirty minutes, the door to the suite opened and Carlisle stepped through, looking around cautiously. I smiled tentatively before taking his hand and leading him over to the sofa to sit next to me. Apparently, I had some explaining to do as well. I figured I would get mine out of the way so there wouldn't be any more confusion regarding my interactions with Edward as of late. That way, Carlisle could tell me his reason for disappearing without being distracted by wondering about Edward and me.

"Edward knocked on my door a few weeks ago, and I let him in because I was in a very bad place. I missed you like crazy, and, I admit, I took comfort in the familiarity of his presence. I promise it has all been strictly platonic. Despite your actions, I could never deny that you remained in my heart. Edward may not deserve my consideration, but I couldn't stand the thought o f leading him on when I knew I could never feel that way about him again." I looked at Carlisle once I finished speaking, begging him with my eyes to understand.

He startled me by pulling me into a tight embrace. My man of steel was practically trembling in my arms. If the condition he was in when Jake took me to him a week earlier was any indication, Carlisle had been through quite an ordeal since I had last seen him. I tried to fortify my walls to protect myself from feeling anything other than anger toward him. He had yet to tell me anything that would vindicate him in my eyes. A happily ever after ending still seemed impossible for us.

"I know that you will probably never forgive me for leaving, but I would do it again without hesitation," Carlisle stated with conviction, and I began to pull away from him. "Please, let me finish," he begged. I reluctantly nodded for him to continue, wanting to get this over with so I could go home to lick my wounds. "Alice and I tried to think of any other way but every decision ended with the same result: You dead. There was no way I could let that come to fruition if there was a way for me to stop it. In light of the alternatives, I chose the lesser of the possible evils.

"The only way to save you was to keep you in the dark. I hated the idea of deserting you. Can you honestly tell me, though, that you would not have done the same? If you had to leave in order to save me, would you?" His questions changed my perspective, but I violently tried to fight my reaction.

"You're sounding a lot like Edward," I countered because I needed to emotionally distance myself from his reasonable sounding justifications.

"Oh, Isabella," he sighed as he held me closer. "The difference between my actions and his is that he made the decision based on possible events. He could have changed you and solved the issue of your fragility. He decided not to give you that option. In my case, there was no other way to save you. Even turning you ended with you dying. I would have given you the choice if there had been one. Please believe that."

Carlisle was right, of course. If Alice truly saw no other way, there hadn't been much of a choice. Had the roles been reversed, I wouldn't have thought twice. I would have moved Heaven and Earth to save the man I loved. So, how could I hold this against him when I would have done the same?

"You make a good argument, Dr. Cullen. I can't justify hanging onto my anger but it's still there. It may be less than before and may lessen even more in time, but I'm scared that it will always linger. I want to find a way to forgive you. I truly do. I just can't right now." My words obviously hurt him, but I could also see understanding in Carlisle's eyes.

"I have nothing but time, Isabella. You are most certainly worth overcoming any obstacle, and I don't plan on going anywhere. I don't think I could even if you asked me to do so." He pulled back a little and tilted my face toward him, cupping my cheeks between his hands before he continued. "Whatever it takes, I swear," he promised before kissing me softly.

There was more of his story to tell, but I didn't think I could handle hearing anymore that day. With great reluctance, I left him and headed home not exactly ready to face what was waiting for me there either. With a sigh of resignation, I entered my home. I went through my normal routine and wondered when the weight of the world had come to reside on my shoulders. Within moments of making my way into my bedroom, I sensed Edward behind me. His anger was so palpable, I could feel it.

"Why do you smell like Carlisle?" he snarled in question. Carlisle had warned me that his scent would be all over me, so I had been prepared for Edward's response. I thought about going by the hospital to shower and change before going home but decided I didn't need to give myself an escape from telling Edward the truth.

"Because I spent the past eighteen or so hours with him," I replied, being as straightforward as possible. There was no point in pussyfooting around at that point.

"Are you kidding me?"

"No," I responded calmly. I could tell he was getting increasingly upset, and I was trying to figure out the best way to tell him what needed to be said without hurting him more than absolutely necessary.

"I was worried about you, and you were off having a good time with my dad?" he asked, knowingly hitting below the belt. More than ever, I wished he didn't know me so well.

"I'm sorry I gave you reason to worry. I should have called." I conceded, knowing he was more than right. Common courtesy dictated at least that much.

"Care to explain why you were with him?"

"Until about three months ago, he was the attending physician I worked under at the hospital. We got extremely close during that time. He disappeared and I hadn't seen him since, until the night of Charlie's wedding. He turned up in the woods with extensive injuries. From what I understand, he left to save me from the Volturi who have decided I would make a great addition to their guard." I explained all I knew at once because it was just easier.

"The Volturi is after you, and the only protection you have is a measly mutt and me?" He was fuming. I was only slightly surprised by his reaction. Of course, he would be more concerned with my welfare than my relationship with his pseudo-dad.

"To be fair, I'm sure Carlisle, Alice, Jasper, Emmett and Rose are close by and the rest of the wolves are ready to come if necessary. I'm sure they have an extensive plan to ensure my survival. Their distance has more to do with respecting my wishes to be the one to tell you about their part in my life." I sighed and sunk onto the bed.

"I guess this is why Alice called and begged me to come look after you for a while."

I looked up at him in shock. Alice had asked him to keep an eye on me? Why? And why hadn't he been here the whole time if that were the case? If Alice had time to contact Edward recently, she could have called me to at least let me know they were okay. She wouldn't even have had to explain their absence. All I needed was a simple reassurance. I was fuming once again. These vampires really needed to stop dictating my life and assuming they knew what was best for me!

"She called you just a few weeks ago but couldn't be bothered to call me? I thought the worst. She had to have known that."

"Well, she didn't exactly call that recently. I kind of just watched you for a while first because I wasn't sure what your reaction would be to seeing me again. Then you somehow sensed my presence that one night and got scared. I didn't want to risk a repeat of that, so I knocked on your door the next day." His explanation reminded me of that terrifying night that I just knew someone had been watching me. I truly believed I was going to die then and there. I hadn't been that afraid since Victoria had been after me.

"So, you went all crazy stalker on me, again. I thought you would have gotten over that habit by now." I smiled to let him know I was partially joking. I really didn't like the idea of him watching me like that. It had been weird enough the first time.

"I'm sorry. I know I should not have done that. You were just so different, and I wanted to make sure the strong, new Bella wouldn't kick my ass the moment you saw me." He was right. I probably would have after everything I had been through at that point. I likely would have assumed he had something to do with Carlisle's disappearance. That alone would have caused me to overreact.

Before I could voice my thoughts, the sound of splintering wood filled the air. In the next second, Carlisle stood before us panting. I never really understood why their breathing would fluctuate with their actions. I guessed it was a habit carried over from their human lives. Not that something that insignificant mattered much after what Carlisle said once he calmed down a bit.

"We have to leave. Now!" Carlisle looked beyond panicked. I wondered what could have possibly happened in the short span of time since I'd last seen him that would make him react in such an uncharacteristic manner.

"How long?" Edward asked through gritted teeth as he began to move about my room too quickly for me to discern exactly what he was doing.

"Three hours, max," Carlisle answered out loud for my benefit. Edward's hiss a second before Carlisle spoke let me know Edward was getting the information directly from Carlisle's mind.

"Will someone please tell the human what is going on?" I demanded quickly losing control of my emotions. They were scaring me.

"The Volturi are coming," Carlisle stated, looking as if simply saying the words would bring down their wrath like lightening from the heavens.

I may have passed out once the words registered in my head.

* * *

**Disclaimer:** Stephenie Meyer owns the Twilight universe. I'm just grateful she lets me play chess with her pieces...

**A/N:** This should have been posted earlier, I know I promised some of you it would be up over a week ago, and I'm so sorry. I'm going to stop making promises about posting because it seems to jinx me when I do. The next chapter is almost finished, though, and I'm trying to get ahead on this story so there won't be any further delays. We shall see how that goes. Thanks so much for reading, reviewing and even PM'ing! I'm wish I had time to respond to every single one of you!

Thank you!

~SP


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter****Twenty****One**

**It All Comes Tumbling Down**

My eyes fluttered open to find two very concerned vampires hovering over me. Carlisle was already in doctor mode, checking me over to make sure I really did just pass out from shock rather than something more serious. He was being very thorough and I could hear Edward growl every time Carlisle touched me. I couldn't make myself care,though. Carlisle was touching me, and that was all that really mattered in that moment. I hated that I still loved him. I so desperately tried to hold onto my anger, but it was slipping away like sands through an hourglass.

After a few moments, Edward's eyes flashed with what I could only describe as a sort of understanding. He had likely been in denial until he actually saw Carlisle and I together. I couldn't be sure, though, because, unlike Edward, I couldn't read minds. I wondered if Carlisle's thoughts had anything to do with the sudden change. Edward's expression remained passive, but his eyes gave away more than his face ever could. Edward was hurting, yet all I could think about was how good it felt to be in Carlisle's arms again. He was holding me after he had made certain I wasn't injured, physically at least. And I clung to him because I never really had a choice.

"We have to go," Edward practically barked as he was forcefully shoving his phone into his back pocket. I hadn't even realized he had been talking to someone. "Alice said she and Jasper are heading to Forks to ensure Charlie's safety," he continued, but I panicked, once again, when I realized my dad's life could be in danger as well.

I stood up on shaky legs, desperate to get to him, to protect him somehow even though I knew anything I could do would be worthless. That knowledge had never stopped me before and my dad mattered too much for me not to at least try.

Carlisle lifted me into his arms as I felt myself start to collapse. He started running, heading in the direction of his Mercedes.

"No, take Bella's car. It's faster and isn't saturated with your scent. We don't think he can track hers. I'll follow alongside as best I can to try to counter any possible attacks," Edward ordered as he made his way toward the line of trees behind my home.

"What about my dad?" I asked frantically, calling out to Edward's quickly retreating form.

"He will meet us there," was Edward's cryptic response, thrown over his shoulder right before he was swallowed by the shadows of the forest. I hated the way he and his family always seemed hellbent on keeping me out of the loop.

Carlisle opened the passenger door of my car, the same one he had helped me pick out all those months earlier. He gingerly placed me inside and buckled my seatbelt. As he pulled back, his lips pressed gently to my temple. I shuddered at his touch. I longed for more but knew I needed more time to come to terms with his return.

Unfortunately, time was not on my side at the moment. Carlisle informed me that the Volturi had gotten impatient, and his family's escape from Italy had only made them more so. They wanted me. No matter how hard Carlisle tried to make me understand how potentially powerful I would be as a vampire, I couldn't comprehend why I was so desirable to them. I was also a bit distracted by my concern for my father, so my ability to think clearly was essentially non-existent at that point.

"I promise to explain everything more thoroughly in the near future, but to sum it up, the Volturi thrive on having a guard of skilled vampires that can annihilate any threat, or perceived threat. Aro, especially, prides himself on having as many gifted vampires as possible. The brothers won't let anything jeopardize their authority, Isabella, and they want to ensure there is no other group out there more powerful than they are. My family has been on their radar for a long time now because of its size and number of talented members. They see us as a potential threat and adding you to the mix makes them extremely nervous. I'm so sorry we have caused you to be in harm's way, my love." Carlisle's guilt obviously weighed heavily on his shoulders.

"Do you wish I had never moved to Forks or that Edward had stayed away from me as he initially intended?" I asked because I had to know even though having it confirmed would break me completely.

"No!" His response was instant and resolute. "Isabella, how can you even ask me that? I've been to Hell and back for you, and I would do it again in a heartbeat to ensure your safety. Please, do not ever doubt that," Carlisle affirmed adamantly, scaring me with his intensity.

"What's going on with Charlie?" I asked rather than responding to what he'd just said. Out of necessity, I had become quite adept at deflecting.

"He is safe and will meet us soon," Carlisle responded, frustrating me further with the lack of any real information provided.

We remained quiet for several hours after that. I couldn't bring myself to ask him what would happen next. The rulers of the freaking vampire underworld were after me. The last thing I needed to be concerned with was whether or not my vampire ex-lover still wanted me. Sometimes, I really worried about how my brain processed information. Instead of being terrified of the vampires around me, I wanted to make sure the vampire I loved still felt the same way. Edward was right when he told me I had no instincts for self-preservation. I glanced out the window to see if I could find him amongst the trees, but then realized how quickly said trees were going by and decided that wasn't the best idea. After closing my eyes and taking deep breaths to quell the queasiness in my stomach, I looked up at Carlisle. His knuckles were stretched taunt over the steering wheel, and I could actually see how tense he was.

"I'm sorry I ever doubted you. It was so easy to believe while you were gone but seeing you and being with you makes me feel silly for entertaining such thoughts. Please try to understand, though, how it looked from my point of view," I requested as he drove us to God knows where to do God knows what in order to save me. "No matter what happens, I want you to know that I love you, more than I ever thought possible. I love you with everything I am."

The car jerked to a stop as it skidded to the side of the road. At first, I thought the Voluri had caught up with us or something equally horrific had happened, but then Carlisle unbuckled my seatbelt and pulled me into his lap. Before I could even ask what he was doing, his lips were on mine, searing me with the passion of his kisses. My body reflexively wrapped around his as much as possible in the confines of the small vehicle. For the first time since purchasing it, I wished I'd gotten a bigger car.

"I was worried that you hated me. You said you didn't, but you did not really seem too thrilled to spend any time with me either. When you left the hotel, I wondered if you would try to cut me out of your life. Hearing you tell me that you love me in spite of all the horrors I've introduced you to is more than I deserve. I love you, Isabella, and I will save you. I promise. They will not harm you, I swear it," Carlisle vowed as he held me tightly in his arms.

A sharp tap on the passenger's side window startled us both. We looked up to find Edward standing there rather impatiently. Carlisle nodded once to Edward before placing me back in my seat and buckling me back in securely. Just as quickly as we had stopped, we were moving once again. My stomach may have actually flopped over at the sudden movement.

"They don't seem to be following us yet," Carlisle stated, interrupting the encroaching silence.

"That's a good thing, right?" I really was clueless as to what needed to occur to procure my safety.

"Edward hasn't seen or heard any sign of the guard since we left Seattle. He's been circling out as much as possible while staying close enough to protect us as well," he stated and I wondered if I would ever get used to being around vampires. I hadn't even realized Edward was speaking much less relaying that much information in the few seconds he had been standing next to the car.

"How long until we get to wherever we're headed?" I asked, wondering how much longer I had to be cooped up in the car. Plus, I really needed a restroom.

"We have approximately three more hours of driving before we will reach our temporary destination. However, there is a town only a few miles ahead where we can stop and give you time to eat and take care of your other needs. I'm sure you are getting uncomfortable after being in the car for so long," he answered, giving me a reason to sigh in relief.

"Yes, stopping would be good." Exhaustion may have been effecting me by that point as well.

Carlise smiled kindly before diverting his attention back to driving while also scanning our rapidly changing surroundings using his enhanced senses. I couldn't help trying to imagine what having all those extra abilities was like. Nothing I could think of seemed to even come close to comparing. I guessed I would be discovering it all first hand sooner rather than later. Somehow, I didn't think I had a choice in the matter anymore.

* * *

**Disclaimer:** I claim no ownership over these characters. I'm extremely grateful S. Meyer continues to let me play my little games with her creations.

**A/N:** Thanks so much for all the continued support I've been given regarding this little fic of mine. All the kind words you take the time to send me just to let me know you're thinking about this story and hoping I'll update soon truly mean a lot to me. I hope this chapter was worth the wait and that you won't have to wait so long for the next one. I'm trying to keep up with my blog these days (link is on my profile) and post teasers when available. If you want to check that out, it might give you more info about when an update is on its way. Also, I'm on twitter and that link is on my profile here too.

~SP


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter Twenty Two**

**I Really Should Have Expected That**

After using the little girls' room and eating a light meal, I was eager to get back on the road. My vampire travel companions were noticeably uncomfortable and getting more so the longer we stayed at the quaint small town where we had stopped to allow me to be human for a while. Once we were on our way again, I decided to try and take a nap. Carlisle was still being suspiciously mute, and I was too exhausted to make any further attempts to get him to talk to me. He obviously wasn't in a sharing mood. So, I wiggled around in my seat until I found a position where I might actually be somewhat comfy and closed my eyes. I hoped the next day would bring better things.

When I awoke, I was in a strange bed, alone. Not that I should have been surprised. Nor should the sound of the door opening have scared me. Of course, both did anyway. Carlisle walked in looking apologetic for startling me. With his super hearing, my rapid heartbeat was evident, I guessed. I rolled my eyes and longed for a time when my humanness wouldn't give me away all the time.

"I'm truly going to miss the beautiful sight of your blush," Carlisle stated as he gently stroked my cheek.

"Can't say I feel the same," I responded.

"Are you sure this is what you want?" he asked hesitantly.

"I was under the impression the choice had been taken out of my hands," I whispered.

"No, Bella. Please, don't think that. I want you to feel like you have a say in all this. Honestly, though, I have to admit that if you chose to remain human, I would probably change you anyway. I'm so sorry for being so selfish when it comes to you." He sighed heavily after that admission.

"As weird as this probably sounds, it's nice to know you care that much. That you want me around that badly."

"Oh, Isabella, who am I to judge? I just admitted I would turn you into a vampire just to keep you even if it meant you would hate me for all eternity." He laughed, and I couldn't help but smile.

"What happens now?"

"For now, we wait. The rest of the family is on their way here. Once we convene, we'll decide where to go from here," he stated without really giving me the answer I wanted. And I could tell he knew it.

"If we're going to do this whole being each other's mate thing, there needs to be nothing but open honesty between us. You can't keep me in the dark anymore, Carlisle," I stated firmly. That shit stopped now.

"I know, you're right. It's just hard. My instinct is to protect you at all costs."

"Get over it. I'm a big girl and about to be a kick-ass newborn vampire. I think I can handle it," I retorted.

Before he had a chance to respond, the door opened and Edward came inside the room. Carlisle simply nodded and stood as Edward came closer to the bed where I was still comfortably wrapped in the lavish covers.

"I need to hunt, and Edward would like some time alone with you. I promise I won't be gone long," Carlisle stated as he brought my hand up to his lips and kissed it softly.

Once Carlisle was out of sight, Edward sat down on the side of the bed and took the hand Carlisle had just dropped. He looked at me for a long moment as if trying desperately to penetrate whatever barrier that kept him out of my head. By the look of frustration on his face, I assumed he was still unsuccessful in that endeavor, which I was extremely grateful for because I wasn't sure I would like him knowing all the thoughts going through my head at that moment.

"Still so silent," he said, sighing. "I wish I had never left you. Seeing how inevitable you becoming one of us is, my only regret is that I did not change you while you were still mine."

"Edward, I don't know what to say to that."

"You don't have to say anything, love. I know Carlisle believes you to be his mate, but I can't help but cling to the hope that you will realize you're meant for me. Despite current circumstances, and Carlisle's belief, I still feel connected to you. Vampires rarely find their true mates, and almost never feel the bond with a human, so I refuse to believe that I can't have mine even though she's sitting right beside me." Edward's words confused me.

"I don't understand. Can someone have more than one mate?" I asked.

"No, I don't think so. At least, I've never seen or heard of such a thing. Of course, vampires mating with humans is supposed to be impossible, so who knows?" he responded with a look of intense confusion gracing his handsome features. It was so easy for me to see why I had instantly fallen so deeply for Edward when I was seventeen.

"So, you think Carlisle is wrong about me being his mate?" I questioned, trying to get a better understanding of what Edward was thinking.

"Yes. At least, I hope that is the case. When Jasper arrives, I plan to use his ability to help me get a better grasp of the situation." He stated as if he were commenting on the weather rather than thinking about using his gift to possibly manipulate the situation to his advantage.

"You will never change, will you?" I asked not bothering to hide my astonishment at his words.

"Vampires seldom do," he answered all matter-of-fact.

"So I've been told. You know, for a being who is supposed to be able to use all of his brain, and who has been around for over a century, you sure can be stupid sometimes." I huffed and crossed my arms over my chest in indignation.

"Or maybe you just can't wrap your human mind around something so complex," he retorted, jokingly. I really tried to rein in my temper because the last thing I wanted was to waste some of my last moments as a human fighting, especially with Edward.

"Or maybe you're just too pigheaded to acknowledge that you're wrong about anything. Now, stop belittling me and let me enjoy the limited time I have left," I requested, leaving off the _as a human_ bit.

"You're right. I'm sorry, love. Are you hungry?"

"Yes, let me have a few moments and then I will join you in the kitchen," I started and then looked around at the lavish room and added, "Do I need a map to find it?"

"It's just down the stairs and to the right. I'm sure you will have little difficulty finding it, but if I hear roaming footsteps, I promise to come rescue you, okay?" he teased, and I was glad that we were at least being friendly once again. I didn't need any more drama in my life at the moment.

I made my way to the ensuite restroom and freshened up a bit before changing into a clean outfit. Edward hadn't lied when he said the kitchen would be easy to find. I wandered a little on my way there, enjoying the beautiful home where we were staying. I wondered which of the Cullens had decorated it because it wasn't like their other home. The delightful smells emanating from the kitchen pulled me from my musings and led me straight to where Edward was plating up a yummy looking omelet.

"Thank you, Edward, you didn't have to make me anything, but it looks delicious," I commented before taking a bite. My senses hadn't initially done the delicacy justice. "Oh my goodness, Edward, this is amazing," I complimented as I began to devour the thing.

"I'm glad you like it," he stated, smiling fondly at me as I ate in a very unladylike fashion.

"Ugh, please don't stare at me like that," I begged through a mouthful of food. I was mortified but couldn't seem to stop myself I was so hungry.

"I love watching you eat, especially something I've made for you. It brings me great pleasure." Edward took one last long look and then turned around to clean up the mess he made cooking my breakfast.

Not knowing how to respond to that statement, I chose not to and dug back into my breakfast. Edward took his time, cleaning at a human pace. He was a little more tense than usual, however, making me realize that whatever reason he had for getting me alone was still hovering over us like a pink elephant. My curiosity started going a mile a minute with all kinds of ideas. Certain that I was making a mountain out of molehill, I decided to address the issue at hand. Once Edward finished in the kitchen, I took his hand and led him into the living room, sitting on the couch and gesturing for him to join me.

"So, why did you want to have me all to yourself?"

"Well, the main reason we have already discussed. I wanted to gauge your thoughts on the possibility that I am your mate rather than Carlisle. I would be lying if I said I didn't simply wish for some time with you without any distractions as well. I've missed you."

"When you say stuff like that, you make it really hard for me to hate you."

"The last thing I want is for you to hate me, Bella. When I left you in Forks, I thought I would never find happiness again. Then I got that call from Alice and had hope for the first time in almost a decade. You will never know how much I suffered while away from you, especially knowing the separation was my own doing. It was pure torture."

"I don't want to hurt you, Edward, so I think you need to come to terms with the fact that the only thing you and I will ever be is friends. Even if you hadn't left, Carlisle and I probably still would have eventually realized we were meant to be together. We may have fought it initially so as not to hurt anyone, but it would have been inevitable. One of us would have given in and the guilt would have eaten us alive." I knew I needed to find a way to soften the blow for Edward, but I didn't know how to do so other than to prepare him as much as possible.

"You say that now because you think you're in love with him. Once you become like us, all that could change. Your instincts will take over and will recognize who your true mate is. Until then, you can't promise either Carlisle or me anything." His tone was only barely controlled and his anger with the way our conversation was going was beginning to show through. I decided to change the subject.

"Care to show me around this place? I'd love to see the rest of it," I requested, smiling up at him.

"Anything for you, love," he responded and held out his arm for me to take.

The house was even bigger than it initially seemed, and that was saying something. The place was freaking massive.

"Even for your family, this place seems a bit much," I commented as we made our way to another wing. Yes, wing. The house had four of them in all, plus the center area where the room I had slept in and the kitchen were. It was all a little much to take in and I was more than a little lost.

"This is where we reconvene, so it's designed to give us all our distinct spaces. Alice and Jasper occupy the north wing; Rose and Emmett have the south wing; the east wing is mine; and the west wing belongs to Carlisle and Esme," Edward explained, likely knowing hearing that Carlisle and Esme shared a portion of the home would affect me.

"I guess that makes sense. But why not just build four separate homes?" I asked in an effort to veer the subject away from the couples. Edward didn't need to know that his arrow had hit its mark.

"Well, there is the common area in the center where we like to come together, and it's nice to have some space while, essentially, still living together. We are all so close, yet even the best of families need a little distance every now and then. Esme's temporary break from the family is just one example. We've divided before, but we always reunite, stronger than ever."

I knew what he was trying to convey without actually saying it. He was implying that Esme would return and she and Carlisle would pick up right where they left off, their relationship better for the time apart. Part of me worried that he was telling the truth. Would Esme one day return? And, if she did, would Carlisle leave me for her? He had told me that he would only ever see her as a dear friend, but Edward had effectively placed doubt in my mind regarding my future with Carlisle. I was extremely angry with myself for allowing him to do so.

When Carlisle returned later that day, he found me sitting outside, crying. I'd asked Edward for some time alone after his little speech, and he'd led me to the alcove where I was attempting to think my way out of these new fears. As if I needed another reason to question Carlisle's devotion to plain, ordinary me. I fought to keep the tears from continuing to make their way to the surface as Carlisle stood there watching me in confusion. He obviously realized I was upset but had no idea as to why. I could also see the anger brewing just beneath his calm facade. He had trusted Edward, and was apparently regretting still having so much confidence in his son.

"Why are you crying, Bella? Please tell me before I go in there and make _him_ tell me," he pled.

I couldn't stand the idea of the two of them fighting, but I wasn't sure I could explain what happened without causing Carlisle more distress. I was afraid he'd finally see how broken I truly was and decide he didn't want anything else to do with me. I didn't think I could live if he figured out I really wasn't worth it.

"It's my fault, really," I started and Carlisle growled in frustration. "I asked Edward to give me a tour of the house. When I realized just how big this place is, I questioned him regarding its massiveness. He told me about the different wings and how this was where your family comes in between moves. It didn't take much for me to get upset after seeing that you and Esme have your own private wing of the house," I told him, trying to be as honest as possible without divulging Edward's true role in my despair.

"Oh, I see." Carlisle looked at me with a sadness I didn't quite understand. "Isabella, I'm so sorry," he apologized, confusing me even further.

"Why are you sorry? I'm the one with the insecurity issues, not you."

"I'm failing you because I haven't proven to you how much I cherish you. If I were a good partner, you would know how very special you are," he stated while holding my face gently in his hands.

"Carlisle, you can't hold yourself responsible for the way I see myself." I couldn't let him shoulder that blame.

"I love you, so much, Isabella, and I need you to believe in that," Carlisle practically begged.

"I'm trying, I promise," was the best I could give him.

"I'll never stop showing you how much you mean to me, Bella, ever," he promised vehemently.

I really wanted to believe him.

* * *

**Disclaimer:** Stephenie Meyer is the creator of all things _Twilight_. I'm simply rearranging the pieces a little.

**A/N:** I was really nervous about posting this chapter. I guess because of the Edward/Bella interaction. I know some of you don't trust him or his motives. For now, all I will say is that everything he told Bella in this chapter is absolute truth. He really does hold out hope that Bella is his mate. Remember, she's the only one he's ever loved and he has spent the past nine years or so moping over leaving her. Bella has closure that he doesn't. I hope that helps, for now. I promise his intentions regarding his family and involvement (or lack thereof) in what happened with the Volturi will all be revealed, eventually.

I can't say thank you enough for just being here. Knowing that you're reading and some of you are even moved enough to leave a review, warms my heart.

Oh, and the story definitely will earn its rating coming up in the next few chapters. Things are going to get a little messy...

~SP


	23. Chapter 23

**Recap from last chapter:  
**

_"Why are you crying, Bella? Please tell me before I go in there and make him tell me," he pled._

_I couldn't stand the idea of the two of them fighting, but I wasn't sure I could explain what happened without causing Carlisle more distress. I was afraid he'd finally see how broken I truly was and decide he didn't want anything else to do with me. I didn't think I could live if he figured out I really wasn't worth it._

_"It's my fault, really," I started and Carlisle growled in frustration. "I asked Edward to give me a tour of the house. When I realized just how big this place is, I questioned him regarding its massiveness. He told me about the different wings and how this was where your family comes in between moves. It didn't take much for me to get upset after seeing that you and Esme have your own private wing of the house," I told him, trying to be as honest as possible without divulging Edward's true role in my despair._

_"Oh, I see." Carlisle looked at me with a sadness I didn't quite understand. "Isabella, I'm so sorry," he apologized, confusing me even further._

_"Why are you sorry? I'm the one with the insecurity issues, not you."_

_"I'm failing you because I haven't proven to you how much I cherish you. If I were a good partner, you would know how very special you are," he stated while holding my face gently in his hands._

_"Carlisle, you can't hold yourself responsible for the way I see myself." I couldn't let him shoulder that blame._

_"I love you, so much, Isabella, and I need you to believe in that," Carlisle practically begged._

_"I'm trying, I promise," was the best I could give him._

_"I'll never stop showing you how much you mean to me, Bella, ever," he promised vehemently._

_I really wanted to believe him._

* * *

**Chapter Twenty Three**

**Daddy's Little Girl**

Carlisle held me, rocking me in his comforting embrace. I knew he wanted me to be confident in his love, but believing a man as magnificent as him could truly feel that way about me was still so difficult for me to accept. Edward's words had done exactly as he undoubtedly intended, planting a seed of uncertainty regarding Carlisle's devotion. Carlisle had once assured me that even if Esme returned, they would never again be anything more than friends. Maybe I just needed to hear him say it again.

"Carlisle?"

"Yes, my love?"

"If Esme were to return tomorrow and beg for you to take her back, how would you react?"

"I would welcome her back into the family with open arms," he began but stopped when he heard my sharp intake of breath. Pulling me even closer, he continued, "I would then explain to her that she and I could be friends as long as she could accept that is all we would ever be.

"Bella, you are the only one for me. Ever since I first laid eyes on you, I've felt a connection that would not be denied, and one that I tried to fight for far too long. Esme leaving solidified what I already knew, that she and I were not true mates. You are my soul mate, Bella, and no one or anything can ever change that."

"Thank you, Carlisle," I stated, feeling the heat of embarrassment color my cheeks. "I'm sorry I'm so insecure sometimes."

"Darling, please do not worry about such matters. I want you to talk to me about these things. I would much rather know what is going on in that incredible mind of yours than have you causing yourself unnecessary stress. I will always be open and honest with you, Bella. I promise.

"With that said, I must make a confession," he stated, looking to me and scanning my face with his eyes.

"What do you have to confess?" I asked rather hesitantly. I was more than concerned at this point as a number of possibilities ran through my mind. Thoughts of him admitting that he had lied about his feelings or him revealing he'd had an affair suddenly tormented me.

"I was very uneasy leaving you alone with Edward. His presence puts me on edge, and I do not like how it makes me feel. The thought of losing you at all is unbearable, but the thought of you choosing Edward over me is pure agony. I don't think I would be able to stop myself from taking his life if that were to be your choice. I've never felt such hatred before, especially regarding something that hasn't even happened," he acknowledged. There was an implied "yet" at the end, which wasn't said out loud, but I heard it all the same.

"Never, I promise you, Carlisle. I know now that I would have eventually left him if he hadn't left me first. It took a long time for me to come to that realization, but I know that my feelings for you would have surfaced, regardless. I would have left him out of a feeling of obligation or guilt. I probably would have tried to get away from the whole family in an effort to hide my feelings so as not to disrupt your life in anyway."

"Oh, my love," he began, but the sound of cars pulling into the driveway interrupted him.

I decided then to let his words be enough reassurance. That was the second time he had insisted his relationship with Esme was in the past, and that he'd always felt something for me, even if he initially tried to deny it. I could understand why he resisted the pull he felt toward me. Edward had already staked his claim, so to speak, and Carlisle had been married to Esme the first time we met. I would have done the same. In a way, I was pretty certain I had done just that.

The sound of car doors closing interrupted my thoughts and sent them in an entirely different direction. Somehow, I needed to say goodbye to my dad without him realizing that was what I was doing. I was certain the Cullens were going to take him away soon so that my change could occur. We had limited time to prepare for the Volturi. Dad would be moved for his safety, and I would never be able to see him again.

"Bella?" I heard my dad call from the front of the house. Without hesitance, I ran in the direction of his voice.

"Allow me," Carlisle said softly before stopping me, sweeping me into his arms and quickly carrying me toward where my dad was waiting for me. "I appreciate any opportunity to have you closer," he whispered in my ear right before Charlie came into sight.

I launched myself into my dad's open arms not even thinking about the fact he had just seen Carlisle move faster than humanly possible until much later. He was safe and that was all that mattered to me in that moment. When he finally moved, only enough to bring me to his side, I noticed he wasn't alone. I had expected to see Alice and Jasper, but Sue's presence was a complete surprise.

"I hope you don't mind, Bella, but we kind of filled Charlie in on some things on the way here. There really was no way around it, and honestly, I've wanted to tell him for so long. I hated keeping such a big secret from my husband," Sue explained as she hugged me tightly.

I hadn't even thought about her knowledge of the supernatural or her sharing that information with my dad. I guessed it made sense that her husband should know his step-children could transform into giant wolves. The idea of my dad knowing also opened up so many opportunities for me to see him in the future. I had thought, only moments prior, that I would be saying goodbye to him within a short time. Maybe I didn't have to lose him after all.

"Of course I don't mind, Sue. How did he take it?" I asked since my dad was just silently holding me against him.

"He took it rather well, considering," she responded with an admiring smile. There was no denying Sue loved my dad.

"Why don't we head inside so we can get everyone settled and discuss how we will be proceeding from here?" Carlisle suggested, addressing the group.

Alice came over to hug me tightly before vanishing into the house with Jasper. I couldn't wait until I could move like them.

The rest of us soon followed them inside. I looked around for Edward and was glad to find he wasn't in sight. I wasn't ready to face him again just yet, and I was worried about how my dad would react when he saw him. Even after all this time, I knew Dad still hated Edward for the way he left me.

We showed Sue and my dad to the guest room where they would be staying before Carlisle excused himself. He gave the explanation of wanting to discuss a few things with Alice and Jasper, but I knew he would seek out his first progeny before that. I hoped they didn't dismember each other.

"So, Bells, help me understand why you're hanging out with vampires," Dad stated, directly addressing the weird circumstances that had led us to this point. I shouldn't have expected anything less from him.

"Well, I'm in love with Carlisle, for starters. I can't imagine _not_ hanging out with him. But it all started when I moved to Forks and fell for Edward. He couldn't hide what he really was from me, and I decided not to let the fact he was a vampire deter me from being in a relationship with him," I stated bluntly, knowing my dad would appreciate me taking a direct approach as well.

"What about Esme?" he asked, just as I had anticipated.

"She's living with another coven, I think. Carlisle hasn't seen or spoken to her in several years," I explained, deciding to leave the exact details out since it wasn't really my story to tell.

"I see. Isn't he a little old for you, Bells?"

I couldn't help laughing at that question. If he only knew, I thought. I took a moment to decide how I should answer that question.

"Technically speaking, I'm older than he is. Carlisle is physically around twenty-three. He doesn't know his exact age because they didn't keep the best records during the time in which he was born," I stated, letting my dad absorb that information for a few moments.

"Okay, I think that's about all I need to know. An old man can only take so much at a time, you know."

We laughed until the sound of a door closing nearby jarred us back to reality, and Edward strolled in as if he didn't have a care in the world. I tensed automatically and noticed my dad did the same. Astonishingly, Edward reached out as if to shake Dad's hand. How he could have thought my dad would be happy to see him, I would never know.

"Hello, Charlie, how have you been?" he asked all nonchalantly. I cringed in expectation of what would happen next.

"That's Chief Swan to you, young man, and how dare you just waltz in here as if expecting a warm reception? If I thought it would actually hurt you, I'd shoot your pasty, skinny ass," Dad stated vehemently.

Edward seemed genuinely surprised at the less than friendly reception. I couldn't help wondering what the hell was going through that boy's head. He obviously hadn't expected anything close to my dad's reaction, but how could he have expected anything else?

I watched Edward scrunch his eyebrows together as if frantically trying to understand something. Knowing him, he was probably trying to decipher my dad's thoughts since they weren't the easiest for him to read. I wondered what my dad was thinking about and whether Edward was able to pick up anything from him. Somehow, I didn't think Sue's thoughts toward him were all that pleasant either. Edward was likely getting nothing but negativity from those around him. He may not have been able to hear my thoughts, but I was pretty sure my eyes were giving away that I wasn't exactly happy with him.

"Edward, can you come help me with a few things?" Alice's voice called from the doorway.

I thought about mouthing thank you to her but remembered Edward would just see it in her head. So, I said it out loud instead. No point in trying to hide it anyway.

"Thank you, Alice," I stated, giving her a small smile.

"You're welcome, Bella. Good to see you again, Charlie. We'll have time to catch up later," she stated kindly before practically pulling a reluctant Edward out of the room.

"Well, I guess it could be worse," Dad mumbled, and I couldn't help laughing at his response. At least Edward's presence seemed to be making it easier for my dad to accept my relationship with Carlisle.

We spent the next few hours catching up with each other. Dad was definitely not pleased about my having to run away but seemed surprisingly okay with the idea of me becoming a vampire. As long as I stuck to eating animals, of course. He would never be able to condone murder. Not even if my survival depended upon it. Luckily, it wouldn't. There was no way I would be able to live with the guilt of taking a human life. Killing animals would be bad enough. I had already been trying to think of ways to utilize the meat of my kills so it wouldn't just go to waste. If nothing else, I knew I would make sure the carcasses I left behind were in a area where they would feed other animals of the forest. Scavengers would probably love me.

Edward made quite an elaborate feast for our dinner that evening, and I had to fight back the urge to roll my eyes at his blatant gesture of kissing ass. I hoped one day he would be able to let me go for good and that we could all find a way to be a family again. Well, all except Esme. I doubted I would ever be comfortable living under the same roof with her, especially if she did still have feelings for my mate. I was such a hypocrite sometimes, apparently.

Carlisle joined us as we sat down at the table to eat. He was obviously glad not to have to play the role of human and actually eat with us. I was still flabbergasted when he and my dad actually started joking about their differences in diet.

"Well, Bells, I think we're going to call it a night," Dad stated as he stood from his place on the couch. We had been talking for hours, and I was kind of sad that the day was coming to an end. I'd truly enjoyed having everyone in one place for the first time, especially now that my dad was in on the whole supernatural being real thing.

"Goodnight, Dad," I said as we hugged each other.

"You like having him in on our little secret, don't you?" Carlisle asked as he watched me prepare for bed.

"Yes, it's nice to know he can still be a part of my life," I responded honestly.

"I'm glad as well. I admit I was most worried about how you would adjust to never seeing him again." Carlisle wrapped me in his arms and glided me over to the large bed in the middle of the room. "I'm also glad that his room is far enough way that he won't hear you scream." With that, Carlisle tossed me down onto the soft mattress and pounced on top of me. My giggles quickly turned to moans as he devoured every inch of my skin with his lips and tongue.

* * *

**Disclaimer:** I can make no claim to the characters...bummer.

**A/N:** What's this? An actual update on your screen above? I know it's amazing, right? How many of you had given up on me? Don't be shy, I know a few of you did!

The amount of time I spent on this chapter is almost embarrassing. I don't know why it was such a difficult one to complete. It's ridiculous, really. Anyway, I hope those of you who have stuck with me enjoyed this chapter. The next one gets the ball rolling again, as the ending of this one alluded. I did warn you last time that things were going to start getting a little messy. :-)

I want to say a special thanks to two of you that recently sent me messages to encourage me to update soon. You know who you are ladies, and I can't thank you enough for your little pushes. Without them, this chapter likely would still be sitting in my computer, waiting for me to find the confidence to post it. Sad, but true.


	24. Chapter 24

**Chapter Twenty Four**

**Bracing for a Change**

Being with Carlisle was effortless. It was all the outside stuff that made my life difficult. If we could just find some deserted island where no one could ever find us, I would be one happy lady. Of course, that wouldn't happen, especially not with the Volturi determined to find me. Apparently, the guard included members who were notorious for their tracking abilities. According to Alice, one of them had never failed to find his target, not in over six hundred years.

We needed a fail-proof plan to not only turn me into a vampire but to also keep me out of the clutches of the vampire royalty. I never felt more fortunate to have Alice around than I did that week we were trying to outsmart the Volturi. Any decision we made would almost instantly provide her with a vision of the outcome. In a way, it was frustrating to have to go through so many ideas, but it was so reassuring to know in advance what would work and what would not.

In the end, we decided to initiate my change as soon as possible. It was our best option, and the only one Alice saw providing us with an advantage. The Volturi, Aro especially, would be adamant about having me join their guard. There was no way in Hell that was going to happen, though. Alice assured me she did not see them taking me against my will, but that's the only way they would be able to take me. I knew Carlisle respected their authority and what they did to keep vampires from running amuck, but I also knew he never again wanted to live amongst them. I could not live where he was not, and it would be extremely difficult for me if I knew he was unhappy with where we were. So, joining them was simply not an option for me.

Edward, surprisingly, was all for my transition from human to vampire to take place sooner rather than later. He seemed obsessed with the idea that I would wake up and recognize him as my mate. I hoped he wasn't too terribly disappointed when that didn't happen. At least he wasn't picking fights with Carlisle or saying anything inappropriate to me anymore. He said his piece and basically left me alone, always hovering in the background. I guess thinking he would have everything he wanted in just a short amount of time gave him an infinite amount of patience.

I spent most of my last week _alive_ with my dad and Sue. Even though Dad now knew what I was to become, it still wouldn't be safe for me to be around him until after I got my bloodlust well under control. Carlisle assured me it shouldn't take more than a year or so, but I wanted to cherish this time with my dad, just in case. I learned long ago not to take anything for granted. Life could end at any moment and without notice. There was also the chance that the venom killed rather than changed me. Apparently, the likelihood was slim to none, especially given that Carlisle would oversee every second of the process, but it was still a possibility.

As the chosen day dawned, I decided I wanted a little time to myself and asked Carlisle to take me somewhere beautiful where I could just hang out for a few hours. Dad and Sue left the night before, and I'd already called my mom in hopes of giving her some sort of closure. I couldn't exactly tell her it was the last time she'd ever hear from me, but I did tell her I loved her. I still hadn't decided what I was going to do about explaining my disappearance to her. Making a decision would be so final, and I really just couldn't deal with that on top of everything else. Alice assured me delaying this one decision wouldn't hurt anything.

Carlisle found the perfect place for my desired alone time and left me to my own devices for a while. He promised to stay close but not too close. He knew I required this opportunity to sort out what I was feeling. Plus, I wasn't likely to be left alone much as a newborn vampire. They would have to watch over me until I had myself at least somewhat under control. The thought of not having much power over my own actions was not something I was looking forward to.

I spent most of the morning grieving the loss of my human life. I also looked forward to becoming practically invincible. I wondered what my future would hold, and I hoped for happiness for all of the people I loved. Even though I was excited about starting the next chapter of my life, I was sad to be saying goodbye to everything I'd ever known. I knew nothing would ever be the same after this.

When Carlisle returned, he surprised me with a picnic lunch that included several of my favorite foods. We spent a perfect afternoon enjoying each other both emotionally and physically. It was perfect. Somehow, Carlisle knew what I needed and made it happen. I felt so blessed to be loved by him.

Just after the sun dipped behind the horizon, Carlisle scooped me up into his arms and carried me back to the house. Everyone was waiting for us when we arrived, and I took the opportunity to spend a few minutes cherishing their presence. Emmett and Rose had finally arrived, and I was delighted to see them. Alice hadn't been completely sure if they'd make it there in time because they were being followed by a Volturi scout who was proving to be difficult to lose. Finally, they'd managed to slip away from him and head home. I was so glad to see them.

Right as Carlisle was leading me to the stairs, Edward appeared in front of us. He looked frantic, and I wondered if he was going to try to stop my transformation. For a few moments, we all just stood there, staring at each other. I was starting to fidget when Edward stepped toward me with a hand outstretched for me to take.

"Let me be the one to do this, please, Bella. I can't stand the thought of Carlisle's venom flowing through your veins for all eternity. It should be mine," Edward stated.

"What?" I questioned. Did he really think I was going to let that happen? Hadn't I made myself perfectly clear where he was concerned? Apparently not, because he did not look like he was joking.

"Please, let me be the one to change you, Bella. I need to be the one, please," he begged, and I really felt sorry for him. In my attempt to heal after Carlisle's disappearance, I let him be what I needed at the time. When Carlisle returned, I hadn't really given much thought to how Edward would be affected by my decision to reconcile with Carlisle.

"I'm so sorry, Edward. I haven't exactly been fair to you, have I? It was just so easy to let you take care of me in Carlisle's absence. I'm such an idiot for not realizing how my actions, or lack thereof, may have led you to believe there was more between us than there truly was. Sometimes, I'm still very much that frightened girl you abandoned in the woods." I wasn't saying that to make him feel worse. I just wanted to make him understand that I wasn't thinking rationally when he first reappeared. I wanted him to be able to forgive me so that we could all move on from this and be a family.

"I love you, Bella. I always will." He bowed in a very old fashioned manner before turning and running toward the back of the house.

An involuntary sob ripped through me at the sight of him leaving. My feelings were so very different than they had been when I was only barely eighteen, but watching him go like that still brought back those dreadful emotions. It also hurt knowing that I led him to the point where he could no longer be near me. Not that I believed him to be blameless, but I didn't like the guilt associated with my behavior either.

"Shall we?" Carlisle asked softly, gesturing toward the stairs.

I nodded and let him lead me up to the guest bedroom that had been mine since we arrived. I just couldn't think of the area he and Esme built together as ours, so I chose to stay out of that section of the house. We didn't plan on staying there long after my change anyway. We'd have to keep moving in order to stay at least one step ahead of the guard. Alice saw them having a difficult time finding us, but we didn't want to take any chances.

Carlisle sat next to me on the bed while I took a few minutes to calm my fears. I wasn't exactly excited about burning for the next three days. No matter how much they had prepared me for this moment, I instinctively knew their words were not enough. So, I was practically shaking with anxiety by the time Carlisle laid me down and began whispering in my ear how much he loved me and looked forward to having eternity together. His words weren't helping to sooth my frayed nerves.

"Bella, are you sure this is what you want?" Carlisle questioned when he realized I wasn't feeling any better.

"Yes," I stuttered. "It's just that I'm not looking forward to the pain," I confessed shakily. We'd talked about this before, so he wasn't surprised to hear the reason for my discomfort.

"I will be here the entire time, and Jasper has promised to help in any way he can. You have the benefit of knowing what's coming. I truly believe that will aid you in your transition. The rest of us experienced this without a clue as to what was happening or when the pain would end. I thought I was burning in Hell, and I've been told the others thought something along those lines as well. I will be sure to give you updates on time and how much longer you have. Concentrate on the end in order to better deal with the pain," Carlisle instructed softly.

I finally began to relax, if only minimally. That was likely as good as it was going to get, so I nodded my head to signal for Carlisle to continue with the process. Much to my surprise, he decided we needed to enjoy each other's bodies one last time before he bit me. He was more primal than usual, but it turned me on more than I had ever been before, so I wasn't going to complain. Just as I felt myself fall over the precipice of total satisfaction, I felt the sharp sting of his teeth breaking through the skin at my neck. Honestly, I was almost too blissed out to even notice.

Then, the pain erupted and began spreading rapidly through my veins. I watched through a haze of agony as he proceeded to bite me several more times. We'd talked about the whole progression, and how he believed that injecting as much venom as possible might help speed up the transition. At that point, I hoped like hell that he was right. We had barely just begun, and I was already thinking the pain was too much to bear. The very idea that this inferno could potentially continue for three days had me seriously wondering why I ever thought this whole becoming a vampire thing was a good idea.

"You're doing so well, Bella. You've already made it through five hours." Carlisle's voice broke through the wall of pain, comforting me in ways I never expected.

His voice was soothing, as was knowing that I had made it through so many hours. It kept me grounded to reality rather than floating off into the seemingly never ending darkness. Sometimes I could hear no more than murmurs, but I knew he was there even if I had no idea what he was saying. After the first twenty four hours passed, I felt some relief in knowing I had made it through the first day. That knowledge gave me hope that I would survive the next two just the same.

Another twenty four hours went by before there was any change in the all-consuming inferno burning its way through my veins. Carlisle had just informed me of the time when there was a shift. The fire began to pull in from my extremities, heading straight toward my chest. For the first time since the ordeal started, I cried out. I had been determined to suffer in silence, but was unable to keep that one scream from escaping. Carlisle immediately wrapped me in his arms, assuring me this was normal that everything was fine and actually happening faster than he'd ever seen before. I hoped that meant relief would come quicker as well.

In order to keep my sanity, I focused on the memories of my human life that I was replaying in my mind in hopes of being able to better remember them. It had been Carlisle's idea to help me keep as many of them as possible. He truly believed that thinking of them during the transition would help. So, I used them as a distraction. Well, as much as I could be distracted anyway.

Fifty two hours after Carlisle bit me, my heart beat for the last time. I laid there wondering how different things would be when I opened my eyes. Some changes were already obvious, such as my enhanced hearing and sense of smell. My brain felt overloaded with the new sensations, and I hadn't even opened my eyes yet. Knowing things would be that much worse when I did, I decided to just lie there and adjust as slowly as possible. I could sense exactly where Carlisle was in the room even though he had backed away moments ago. He must have been giving me the space he knew I would need.

There were five other vampires in various parts of the house. I could pinpoint their exact locations using only my non-visual senses. It was so weird. I was curious to find out which scent belonged to each of my family members. Carlisle's remained as familiar to me as my own, which I found odd considering his was so altered from what it had been when I was human. Even I smelled differently, but I guessed that was to be expected. I could smell human me on my clothes, though, and the beast within honed in on the tantalizing scent. I really had smelled tasty.

With that thought came the burning I had been warned to expect. I reached toward my throat, unsure of my own intentions. I just knew I needed to quash the pain. My fingers clawed at my neck, creating loud scraping sounds before Carlisle stopped my movements.

"You need to hunt, Isabella, but first, you need to open those beautiful eyes of yours."

Carlisle's request reminded me that they, too, would be unlike they were before. Instead of brown, they would be crimson, the color of blood. For a moment, I worried if Carlisle would be repulsed by the change. Would he still love me now that I was so transformed from what I had been? The thought that his feelings for me might change ripped a hole through my chest. I couldn't lose him. It would destroy me. My chest rose and fell, sucking in unnecessary air, and I wondered if it were possible for a vampire to have a panic attack.

"Bella, what it is, my love? What's wrong?"

The concern in his voice had me forcing myself to remain calm. There was no sense in worrying about something that I could not control. I would just have to face matters as they came rather than fretting beforehand. So, I opened my eyes and looked at Carlisle for the first time. Really, I had never seen him prior to seeing him with my new and improved vision. If I thought him perfect when I looked at him through my human eyes, he was ten times more so now that I could truly see him. His eyes weren't gold as I had always believed. They were the color of the sun shining through a glass of whiskey, and they held nothing but love. I leapt into his arms, and he pulled me into him using more force than my mortal body could have handled. I loved it.

"Oh, my love, I didn't think it possible to love you more. Now, I know what a fool I was to ever believe such a thing. I swear my heart beat when you looked at me with those new eyes of yours. I can't even describe the feeling of you taking me in that way, as if you wanted to devour me."

"Are you pleased with the way I turned out?" I asked, unable to stop myself from doing so. I must have sounded so pathetic to him.

"How can you even ask? Bella, you were perfection personified as a human. As a vampire, you are beyond description. I must have won God's favor somehow. That is the only explanation I can think of for your being here with me in this moment. It is far more than I ever imagined. You, my love, are going to have an even harder time getting me to ever leave your side."

A soft knock on the door interrupted us, but I had known they were coming. The others had been inching their way toward the room ever since I awoke. Nevertheless, my muscles tensed at the sound. These instincts were going to take time to master and control, I could tell.

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**Disclaimer:** Nope, I'm still not the creator of the Twilight gang...

**A/N:** Anyone still with me?


	25. Chapter 25

**Chapter Twenty Five**

**Facing Forward**

"Are you ready, my love?"

What a loaded question. Was I ready? Would I ever be?

With a heavy sigh, I nodded my head. I was as ready as I could be to face the Cullen family in my shiny new shell. Of course, Alice was the first to reach me, wrapping her arms around me and ignoring both my tensed reaction and the words of warning from Carlisle and Jasper. Sometimes, I thought seeing the future caused her act on impulse in order to avoid being able to predict the outcome before it happened. Maybe she had seen enough visions to know she would survive this encounter with me. Or maybe she was just too excited to stop and think about her actions. Whatever her excuse, the close proximity was making fighting the overwhelming urge I had to flee that much more difficult.

There were now seven vampires in my bedroom, including me. The room seemed much smaller than it had moments ago, and I was starting to feel claustrophobic. Apparently sensing my mounting panic, Jasper pulled a very reluctant Alice away from me. I gave him a grateful smile before turning my attention to the others in the room. Emmett looked almost exactly as I remembered him, big dimples flashing next to his exuberant smile. I couldn't help but smile at him in return. Then I focused on the woman standing next to him. Rose was even more stunning when seen through my vampire eyes. She gave me a warm smile of acknowledgement, and I hoped we'd have a chance to catch up soon. It was good to have the two of them back with us again.

Then, there was Edward. He stood back as if waiting for an opportunity to run far, far away. I envied his close proximity to the door and easiest means of escape. I knew if I tried to run, he would catch me before I had made it halfway through the doorway. It was weird how I just knew these things. Like I knew I could use the window to get away and how far it was to the ground. I sensed the thickness of the walls and how easily my new improved body could plow right through them. The ones behind me and to my right would take me directly outside. The other two led to other rooms, obstacles to slowdown my retreat.

My eyes flickered between the two loves of my life faster than I would have thought possible, even with my enhancements. Memories of days spent in Edward's arms flooded my brain as I recalled every second of our time together. Up until the day he broke my heart, I had thought him to be amazing. He had been everything. Then he was gone. I started remembering the cracks in the smooth finish. Our relationship had seemed perfect, but it wasn't. Not really. Even though I knew most of his actions were driven by an innate need to protect me, he had not treated me as his equal. He had loved me, he still did, but he wasn't _in_ love with me. Not anymore. Edward still loved the girl I used to be and conveniently overlooked the woman I had become. In his eyes, I would never be more than that teenaged girl. It was as if I had somehow harnessed Alice's ability and could see how a future with him would play out. It was sweet and gentle, like our meadow, but it wasn't what I wanted. At least, not now that I knew what it felt like to be consumed by love for another person and have that love returned in equal measure.

I turned to focus on Carlisle. Edward was my past, and I hoped we would find a way to be a part of each other's future, but Carlisle was my forever. He was my destiny. He was my reason for existing. Everything that had happened shaped me into the woman I had become, one strong enough to be Carlisle Cullen's mate. The trials and tribulations I'd faced were necessary evils. As I looked around me, I realized I was exactly where and who I was always meant to be. I smiled and made my way over to Carlisle, allowing him to wrap me in his strong embrace.

When I finally stepped back and turned to face the others, I noticed there were now only six of us in the room. I sighed in resignation. It had to be up to Edward whether or not he and I could move on from this and form a new bond that was based on a mutual respect and familial love rather than romantic feelings.

"He just needs time, Bella. He'll come around, I promise." Alice interjected as if reading my thoughts.

"Thank you, Alice. Now, will someone please show me how to hunt, so I can get rid of this annoying burning in my throat?"

All five of them volunteered, so we decided to just go as a group. It made more sense anyway, since I would need all the help I could get. Plus, I didn't want to take any chances on being more than one of them could restrain in the event we came across a human. Not that it was likely; we were out in the middle of freaking nowhere, but I didn't want to take anything for granted.

"Why am I covered in blood while the rest of you are spotless?" I sighed, disappointed in myself.

"Bella, it just takes practice. You'll be a neat eater in no time," Jasper consoled as he grabbed me and rubbed the top of my head with his knuckles.

Seeing this new side of my family members made the burning of transition totally worth it. They were so carefree since they no longer had to constantly battle their bloodlust around me or worry about hurting me. We roughhoused all the way back to the house and had a blast together. I loved how they felt comfortable joking around with me now. Emmett kept trying to tackle me, but he was no match for my newborn strength. My favorite parts of the day were taking him down and pinning him to the ground. His ego was bruised, leading him to try repeatedly to best me, only to meet the same fate time and time again. It was great.

Even Jasper got in on the action, constantly ribbing on me and trying to catch me off guard. We hadn't had an opportunity to truly get to know one another before, and I was so glad to have this new chance to do so. Jasper was such a great man, um vampire…whatever, and he was already taking on a protective older brother role much like Emmett. It was kind of funny since, physically speaking, I was older than any of them. I couldn't discount how many years of experience they had over me, though. Besides, I liked being treated like a kid sister.

When we returned home, the couples dispersed to their own areas of the mansion. Edward's scent was still as old as it had been when we left to hunt, so I knew he hadn't yet come back. I hoped he didn't stay away too terribly long. He was an important member of this family, and I knew it would mean the world to Carlisle to have his son home with him again. They had endured so much over the past ten years since leaving Forks, and it all weighed pretty heavily on Carlisle's shoulders. I knew he still, at least partially, blamed himself for the darkness that descended on the family after he allowed Edward to dictate that sudden relocation. Ever since, his family had gone through so much turmoil that he believed could have been prevented.

I no longer held any resentment toward any of them regarding their sudden departure from my life. If anything had been different, I may not have ended up with Carlisle, and being with him was something that I could never regret. So, I hoped for total reconciliation and a reprieve from all the guilt that swirled around these walls like a festering wound.

"You know, there is still one more thing you need to experience without human limitations," Carlisle stated in a tone that had me squirming in my skin.

"Oh, and what is that?" My melodic voice actually trembled with anticipation of what I hoped he meant.

Without further explanation, Carlisle crossed the distance between us and lifted me off the floor in one swift motion. We landed on the bed with a soft thump, and I wondered how he'd managed such a delicate landing. My thoughts didn't contemplate it long, however, because his lips were suddenly everywhere. He was worshipping my body without the limitations my mortal form had necessitated. It was truly amazing to see this side of him, so unrestrained and natural. Not an inch of skin was missed as we learned each other in new ways. There was so much about him I hadn't been able to see before. He had a scar on his bicep, close to his shoulder, that matched the one James had left on my hand all those years ago. I would ask him about that later.

I was unnecessarily catching my breath after Carlisle had brought me to ecstasy . . . again. Honestly, I'd lost count around twenty something. It was kind of hard to concentrate on anything other than the immense pleasure we were sharing. Being a vampire definitely had its perks in that department. We didn't get tired or fatigued. There was nothing to make us stop other than the need to feed. And, apparently, the doorbell.

"Who would be here now? It's two a.m." I had been so distracted I hadn't even heard anyone approach the house.

Carlisle smiled down at me before his entire body suddenly tensed. His eyes darkened in a way I hadn't seen before, frightening me. I didn't have time to question his reaction before he was up, dressed, and throwing my clothes at me. I quickly put them on, seeing the urgency of the situation.

"Why now?" he asked before grabbing me and hugging me to him with a fierceness I knew sprung from a deep-seated concern.

"Carlisle?"

He silenced me with a finger over my lips.

"Promise me, no matter what happens, promise me it won't change anything. I can't live without you, Isabella."

I nodded, unable to speak. The ringing of the bell turned to insistent knocking. Alice was pacing her room while Jasper was asking her what we should do. Emmett and Rosalie seemed to be frozen where they had been when the visitor first made his or her presence known. None of their reactions were helping to ease my anxiety. Who could be there that caused them all to freak out in such a manner? The not knowing was torturing me.

"Shouldn't we answer the door?" I whispered, needing to find out who our visitor was.

"I'm waiting on Alice. I need her to make the first move."

In a way, his response made sense. If there was something or someone there that could cause harm to any member of my family, I was all for precaution. What I didn't understand was why he wouldn't just tell me what was happening. He could explain it quietly enough that he wouldn't be heard by anyone but me. He could have given me some indication of what to expect, how to feel about our unexpected company. I could only detect one new scent, so I knew there was only one being out there. I couldn't hear a heartbeat, so I knew he or she was not human. But, why all the concern over one vampire?

After only a few seconds of pause, which felt more like a lifetime, Alice left her room and headed in the direction of the door. She called for us all to follow. Her tone was strained, and I could tell she wasn't exactly ecstatic about whatever was about to happen. I wondered if the Volturi had sent someone ahead to let us know our time was up. Something along those lines was the only thing I could think of that would justify everyone's reactions.

Alice waited until we all reached the entryway before opening the door and revealing Esme standing there with an impatient expression. Her eyes scanned each face before stopping at Carlisle. She glanced down to our intertwined hands and huffed out a sigh.

"So it's true," she stated angrily yet seemingly unsurprised. "How could you?" Her tone was almost a shriek as the glared up at Carlisle in accusation.

Faster than even I could comprehend, Carlisle had her back pressed against the wall with his hand wrapped around her throat. All I could do was stand there and watch. Esme had once been like a mother to me, and it was hard to see her suffer, but I knew if I tried to intervene in any way, it would only make things worse. As if confirming my thoughts, Alice dashed over to stand in front of me, wrapping her hand around my wrist in gentle restraint.

"You have no right to come to my home and demand answers for my actions. They are no longer any of your business. You left, Esme, not me."

"I left because you barely even looked at me anymore. You didn't even come after me or try to get me to come back. All our years together meant nothing to you."

"What was I supposed to do? Run after you and beg for you to return? Well, sorry, but I don't go chasing after women who have made it perfectly clear how much they detest me."

Carlisle's words confused me. When he had told me about Esme leaving, he didn't mention anything about them fighting or anything beforehand. My human memories were a bit fuzzy, but I was certain they were intact.

A wave of calm enveloped me right before Jasper bean to speak.

"I think we all need ta take a moment to calm down a bit. Esme, your visit has caught us by su'prise, and I'm sure you're equally su'prised by what ya've seen, so maybe we could sit down in tha livin' room and talk this out some." Jasper's southern accent was thicker than I'd ever heard it before, and I wondered if it was due to the stress of the situation or if he was doing it intentionally.

Thankfully, Carlisle released Esme, and we all headed into the adjoining room. Alice arranged us on the furniture, switching Esme and Emmett after seemingly seeing a need to change their positions. Once she was satisfied with the arrangement, she nodded her head and sat down next to me, taking the hand not occupied by Carlisle's tight grip. Jasper sat opposite of her on the other side of Carlisle, his hand resting on Carlisle's shoulder. He'd mentioned that touch strengthened his ability, and I worried about my mate's emotional state. Carlisle didn't seem happy to see Esme, at all, and I couldn't help worry about the affect her being there had on him.

My bottom lip felt foreign when I pulled it between my teeth. I hadn't had much cause for the old habit since becoming a vampire, but the situation was making me extremely nervous and a bit agitated. There was already so much to worry about, and now my mate's ex-wife was sitting in our living room, looking like she wanted to rip off my head. To say I'd had better days would be a massive understatement.

* * *

**Disclaimer:** SM created it...I'm just mixing it up a bit

**A/N:** I was really nervous about posting this chapter...but Esme's return was unavoidable and things couldn't wrap up until she was dealt with, right?

Thanks for reading :-)

~SP


	26. Chapter 26

**A/N:** I know, I know it's been way too long since I've updated. Please know that I am very sorry for the delay.

Here's a reminder from the previous chapter to, hopefully, help get us back into the swing of things...

_A wave of calm enveloped me right before Jasper began to speak._

_"I think we all need ta take a moment to calm down a bit. Esme, your visit has caught us by su'prise, and I'm sure you're equally su'prised by what ya've seen, so maybe we could sit down in tha livin' room and talk this out some." Jasper's southern accent was thicker than I'd ever heard it before, and I wondered if it was due to the stress of the situation or if he was doing it intentionally._

_Thankfully, Carlisle released Esme, and we all headed into the adjoining room. Alice arranged us on the furniture, switching Esme and Emmett after seemingly seeing a need to change their positions. Once she was satisfied with the arrangement, she nodded her head and sat down next to me, taking the hand not occupied by Carlisle's tight grip. Jasper sat opposite of her on the other side of Carlisle, his hand resting on Carlisle's shoulder. He'd mentioned that touch strengthened his ability, and I worried about my mate's emotional state. Carlisle didn't seem happy to see Esme, at all, and I couldn't help worry about the affect her being there was having on him._

_My bottom lip felt foreign when I pulled it between my teeth. I hadn't had much cause for the old habit since becoming a vampire, but the situation was making me extremely nervous and a bit agitated. There was already so much to worry about, and now my mate's ex-wife was sitting in our living room, looking like she wanted to rip off my head. To say I'd had better days would be a massive understatement._

* * *

**Chapter Twenty Six**

**Give and Take**

Carlisle joined me on the small bench at the edge of the garden. It was a place I'd come to appreciate very much over the last few days. Ever since Esme showed up, things had been extremely uncomfortable. I felt even more out of place in that house than ever, and it was driving me crazy. Plus, I hated all the tension between Carlisle and his ex-wife. They fought constantly, verbally attacking each other whenever the opportunity arose. I was still trying to separate my feelings regarding Esme and was often at a loss as to how to react to their bickering. Part of me actually wanted to defend her at times because I still saw her as a mother figure. She'd once been so important to me. Letting that go wasn't something I'd been able to do yet. I wasn't sure if I ever would.

"Alice said he'll be here in a few hours. I didn't want you to be caught off guard." Carlisle was concerned about Edward's anticipated return, especially since I already had to deal with Esme living in the house with us.

"Thank you."

I found being around Carlisle a little more difficult with all these conflicting emotions running rampant. Edward's return just added another layer to the chaos in my mind. Carlisle and I rarely had a chance to be alone as Esme seemed to pop up everywhere we were. Hiding was easier. Being a newborn was hard. My brain never stopped processing, thinking, conspiring, plotting, strategizing, assessing and it was definitely a sensory overload. I often felt like I was going to explode from it all. Adding anything else to the mix was just asking for trouble. Apparently, becoming a vampire didn't alter the fact that I was a magnet for trouble. If anything, I wondered if it magnified it, strengthened the magnetic power.

"Bella, please talk to me. I need to know that we're okay, that you're okay." Carlisle's eyes reflected the sadness of his tone, and I felt horrible for what I was about to say.

"I'm not okay. And I can't form a coherent thought long enough to figure out what I need in order to be okay. It's like there's ten of me competing for space in my head right now. I don't know how to make myself cooperate with me. It's unlike anything I've ever experienced, and I think I'm failing at being a vampire because I can't keep up with my own noggin."

At first, things were pretty great. Everything was so new and fresh and interesting. I was amazed by the changes, both on the inside and outside. All too soon, however, it became a bit much. Then Esme showed up, and I had been spinning out of control ever since. It didn't help that she seemed hell-bent on torturing Carlisle. I wasn't sure if she realized that she may as well have been torturing me too. She kept apologizing to me, asking for forgiveness for her hostility, and I actually felt guilty that I couldn't give it to her. The fact that she refused to tell me why she was so mad made things that much worse. She just kept telling me she had her reasons and all would be revealed soon. And I thought Alice was cryptic.

So, I chose to stay out of the house as much as possible. Hunting took up a great deal of my time but not nearly enough. Emmett and Jasper had taken to escorting me out into the wilderness at least once a day to give me a chance to satiate my unquenchable thirst. It helped, but they could only distract me so much. Jasper assured me that everything I was feeling was completely normal, that I was handling things better than any other newborn he'd known. Considering he had experience dealing with thousands of newborns, I guessed that was saying something.

The only time I felt any peace, other than on my hidden garden bench, was when I was scouring the woods with my two brothers. Reality would always rear its ugly head, though, and break into our time together. Neither Emmett nor Jasper could stand leaving their mates for any length of time, especially given the hostility permeating through the house. Alice and Rose only left Esme when absolutely necessary, worried that she would say or do something that would finally set Carlisle off and cause him to end her life. Even Carlisle wasn't convinced he could control himself around her when she was on one of her rampages. Due to the stress of having her there, he often opted to hunt alone, saying he needed time alone. I had a feeling he destroyed a good portion of the forest each time he ventured off in search of prey.

It was rough on all of us really. So the thought of Edward returning and adding to the stress of the situation was one more reason for concern. One that Carlisle was afraid would be the one that proved too much for me. He was worried about me and wanted to keep me out of whatever Esme was up to. He was concerned about her reasons for being there and had been somewhat relieved when Alice foresaw Edward's return. If nothing else, Carlisle hoped he would be able to pick up any underlying reasons for Esme sticking around. Her claim that she had as much right to be there as anyone else had worn real thin the day she arrived.

Plus, I wondered where her husband was. She would only give vague answers when asked, which raised our suspicions even more. No matter how much Alice or Rose tried to reason with her, Esme was being tight-lipped about nearly everything.

"You know that what you just described is perfectly normal, right?" Carlisle asked, interrupting my chaotic thoughts. "Jasper is truly fascinated with your control. Trust us, my love; you really are handling this better than any other newborn we've known. I'm impressed with your ability to know when it's too much and get yourself out of the situation. I just wish we had time for you to adjust at your own pace rather than feeling you have to rush to prepare for the Volturi. I'm so sorry I couldn't stop them." His voice was full of anguish, and more than ever I longed for him to tell me more about what happened to him those months he was gone from me.

We gathered in the living room as Edward approached the house. He was walking, taking his time to get there, and I was getting impatient. Alice hadn't seen much of what would happen once he got here, which made me a bit anxious. She figured it was because so many decisions were up in the air. Apparently, Edward's ability to read minds often had that effect on her visions. Depending on what he picked up or what others were able to block, the possibilities were constantly changing, often too quickly for her to pick up anything concrete.

Alice rushed to hug her brother as soon as he reached the front door. He smiled down at her before his eyes began to search the room. As soon as they landed on me, his smile brightened, and I couldn't help returning his kind greeting. He seemed much calmer than he had been the last time I saw him. After a few moments, he walked forward to embrace Esme then Rose. He exchanged fist pumps with Emmett and Jasper before heading toward Carlisle and me. Edward nodded at Carlisle, likely responding to something in his thoughts, then pulled him into a tight embrace. I was so happy to see the two of them like that. If I could still cry, I would have been in that moment. When Edward turned his attention to me, I became a little nervous. I was worried I would say or do something to ruin the so far joyful reunion.

"Hello, Bella." His voice resonated with uncertainty, and I realized he was just as concerned as I was about how this would turn out.

"It's good to see you, Edward," I responded honestly.

We reached for each other then and hugged. The way he held me was different from all the times before. It felt friendly rather than intimate. We smiled again when we stepped apart, and I was sure my face was beaming with the pride I felt. I now knew we were going to be okay. It might not always be so effortless to be around each other, but we weren't going to let that keep us from being friends. My intuition hadn't steered me wrong yet, so I was optimistic that things would be better.

Of course, as all things in my life go, the good was immediately followed by bad. Esme obviously wasn't enjoying our happy reunion because she decided to put a damper on things. Edward's eyes flashed with anger right before she opened her mouth, so I knew nothing good was about to come of whatever she was about to say.

"As lovely as this little gathering is, I think we should think about all the trouble Bella has brought down on our family now that we're all together again." Esme thought I was to blame for everything? That was news to me.

"Esme, what are you hiding?" Edward's tone was filled with accusation, and Esme began to fidget in a very un-vampire like fashion.

"I don't know what you mean." She tried, but Edward just shook his head and stared at her as if trying to get through whatever she was doing to block him out of her thoughts.

"Esme, you might as well tell us now. You've never been good at controlling your thoughts, and Edward will figure it out sooner or later," Carlisle spat out.

"What does Wayne have to do with anything?" Edward asked, apparently getting something from her despite her efforts.

"Nothing! Get out of my head, Edward," Esme yelled, spitting venom with her words of anger.

"I think it's time for us to hunt," Alice interjected before anyone could say anything else. "Esme, Rose, please join me for a quick bite." She smiled, but it didn't meet her eyes. I wondered what she saw happening that caused her to intervene.

"Yes, that would be best," Edward stated with finality.

The three women disappeared from the room, leaving a blanket of tension in their wake.

"Bella, may I have a minute, alone?" Edward asked tentatively, eyeing Carlisle.

I looked to Carlisle, who nodded his consent, before I followed Edward out into the yard. Not that I needed Carlisle's permission. I just wanted to avoid additional angst if possible. We didn't go far, just outside of earshot of the house. When we stopped, Edward started pacing.

"I had this whole speech planned out, but it seems so contrite now. Plus, I don't want it to come across as practiced or forced. Being with you, just being near you, makes me forget everything else anyway." He sighed heavily and pulled at his hair.

Slowly, gently I reached out to move his hands out of his hair. "Hey, it's just you and me. I'm willing to work to get us back to being friends. I miss you, you know? The family doesn't feel complete without you."

"I've decided to live on my own for a while. It's too hard being in a house with so many mated pairs. I don't think I could handle hearing you and Carlisle _together_. But I'm here until we deal with the Volturi. After that I'll remain close, in the same city maybe, but not in the same house."

"I understand. I'm glad you're here. Everyone claims I'm really doing well, but that just doesn't seem possible. It doesn't feel like I'm doing anything right." I huffed in frustration.

He took my hand and held it between both of his. "I think you're doing extraordinarily well, Bella. You're standing here, having a conversation with me, which I've never seen a newborn be able to accomplish. I don't think Carlisle and I were able to truly start communicating until about a year after my change.

"I'm here for you, though, however you need me. I want us to be friends. Not having you in my life is just too painful."

"Will you tell me what's going on with Esme? Everyone walks on eggshells around me as if they're afraid I'm going to go postal any second. It's frustrating. I can't prepare if I don't know what I'm preparing for." I needed to vent and knew Edward would be as honest as he could be with me.

"Esme was trying really hard to block her thoughts, but she did let slip that she's here to keep an eye on us for the Volturi. It has something to do with her mate, but I couldn't get more than that. She seems desperate, so I imagine she's not acting of her own freewill." His answer did little to ease my concerns. "Let's get back before Carlisle comes looking for us."

I nodded and allowed him to lead me back toward the house, still holding my hand in his. There was nothing romantic about the gesture, however, and Carlisle smiled when he saw us approaching. He was waiting on the porch, which didn't surprise me. I was glad he was able to keep himself from coming after us. This whole mating thing was complicated. It certainly didn't help when mixed with all the other facets of being a newborn vampire.

"Looks like you two patched things up. Edward, I can't tell you how glad I am to see you." Carlisle reached out to shake Edward's hand.

To my utter astonishment, Edward looked down at the ground, resembling a chastised child, rather than taking the olive branch offered. I couldn't fathom what caused his forlorn and somewhat guilty expression. I looked back and forth between the two of them; Carlisle seemed just as baffled as I was. Finally, after what felt like forever but was likely only a few minutes, Edward raised his head. He shook his head and opened his mouth as if to speak but quickly snapped it shut again.

"Edward?" Carlisle's voice echoed through the too quiet night.

"Carlisle, I have a confession to make."

We didn't get a chance to hear Edward's confession, though, because Esme stormed out of the house, yelling at him to stop. Everything was so chaotic after her outburst that even my new abilities couldn't follow it all.

Suddenly, Jasper was at my side, pulling me away from everyone.

"We need you get you out of here." Without further explanation he swung me onto his back and took off into the forest.

After we'd been running for about an hour, Jasper finally stopped and put me down. He started pacing and shaking his head. He was muttering something to himself, but I couldn't make out any of what he was saying.

"Jasper? You're really starting to scare me."

He turned to look at me, and I was stunned by the pained expression on his face. I took an involuntary step back as his emotions washed over me. Was he purposely letting me feel what he was or was it that he just couldn't hold all that in any longer?

"I'm sorry, Bella. I'm tryin' ta rein it in but it's just a lot to digest. Esme's lying about somethin' and Edward's emotions have been on the brink of disaster ever since he heard whatever he did right before Alice took Esme to hunt. Whatever he was about to tell Carlisle needed to be done in private. Alice told me before she left that, if it came to that, I was to take ya as far away as possible and not to return for at least a day. I don't know what she saw, but it had her all worried."

"Oh." I was really concerned about the others back at the house, but I trusted Alice's judgment, and if she said I needed to be out of there, then that was probably the best option.

The sound of a strong heartbeat caught my attention, and just like that, I was off, focused on the hunt, forgetting about everything else. I appreciated the distraction. The large mountain lion put up quite a fight, and the predator within was pleased with the challenge. When the carcass was drained and thrown aside for smaller predators to enjoy what was left, I turned to find Jasper waiting patiently about a hundred yards from where I was.

"Alice called. All hell's breakin' loose at home, and she doesn't want you anywhere near it. She promised to explain everything later. In the meantime I'm ta show you somethin'." He didn't elaborate, just scooped me up again and took off.

When we finally stopped, I gasped at what I saw. The scene in front of me was like something out of a fairytale. I'd never seen anything like it. There was a slow moving stream bubbling through the uneven terrain. Everything was covered in a light dusting of snow, giving the whole area a sparkling glow as the moon lit up the large clearing. I looked around in awe, feeling calm for the first time since waking to my new life.

"Wow, Jasper, this is incredible."

"Alice," was all he said and all he needed to say.

We sat in silence for several hours before either of us said anything else. It was so nice to just _be_ for a little while. My mind was silent as I took in the beauty surrounding us.

"Come 'ere," Jasper said as he stood up and offered me his hand.

We walked toward the stream and along it until we came to where it ran into a large circle. The flowing water stopped there as if it found its home and needn't go farther. Right where the stream flowed in, the water rippled, but the rest of the water was completely still. It created a silver, mirror-like effect. I stepped right up to the edge and looked down into the water. What I saw had me gasping for air my body no longer really needed.

"Surprised?" Jasper asked.

"Very."

* * *

**Disclaimer:** SM owns this bunch of characters...I just like to to ponder on the what ifs...

**A/N:** Any guesses on what has our little Bella so surprised? I think it's pretty obvious, but maybe it only is to me...

Thanks so much for sticking with me despite how long I've been taking between updates. The story is starting to wind down. I'm not sure exactly how many chapters are left, but I'm guessing around five at the most. I'm really hoping to have the next chapter out by next Wednesday - 12/5 - I hate keeping you waiting! I know I hate waiting for stories to update!

Much love,

SP


	27. Chapter 27

**Where we left off:**

_We sat in silence for several hours before either of us said anything else. It was so nice to just _be _for a little while. My mind was silent as I took in the beauty surrounding us._

_"Come 'ere," Jasper said as he stood up and offered me his hand._

_We walked toward the stream and along it until we came to where it ran into a large circle. The flowing water stopped there as if it found its home and needn't go farther. Right where the stream flowed in, the water rippled, but the rest of the water was completely still. It created a silver, mirror-like effect. I stepped right up to the edge and looked down into the water. What I saw had me gasping for air my body no longer really needed._

_"Surprised?" Jasper asked._

_"Very."_

**Disclaimer: **Nope, still don't own these characters...

* * *

**Chapter Twenty Seven**

**Not So Different **

The face staring back at me was _me_. I expected to look different…not sure exactly in what ways, just different. The red eyes and slightly paler skin were the only major distinctions between the human me and the vampire me. I couldn't help thinking I'd failed in this too. I couldn't even _look_ like a vampire. How much more proof did I need? No matter what anyone said, the evidence was staring me right in the face.

"Bella? Why're you feelin' so self-deprecating? I thought this would be a good surprise." Jasper's confusion rolled over me, and I wondered how I could explain my thoughts.

"I'm the same." I sighed and turned away from the water after flicking my reflection with my fingertips. It distorted and rippled, matching my mood.

"Exactly. So why the long face?"

"Because I can't do a fucking thing right. My entire life has been a series of mistakes, right from the start. I was a mistake Renee should've gotten rid of rather than burdening herself with a daughter she didn't even want!" I was shouting at Jasper, and somewhere deep down I knew he didn't deserve it, but he was convenient and I needed to vent.

"Feel better, darlin'?" he asked even though he knew I wasn't. That just pissed me off even more.

"No. When will this end? I can't take much more. I want to rip my brain out of my head to make it stop for even just one second. I want to go into the nearest town and drain every last person in it for no other reason than because I _can_." I swung my arms around in an effort to release even an ounce of all the frustration I was feeling.

Before I even registered he'd moved, Jasper was on top of me. I reacted instinctively and threw him off, sending him into a nearby tree. The large trunk splintered and the tree began to fall, but Jasper was right back in my face. He grabbed my arm, twisting and pinning it behind my back, and snarled in my ear. The sound sent a wave of anger coursing through me. Somehow I was able to spin around and reverse our position. I growled at the satisfaction I felt from getting the upper hand. Of course that smug feeling didn't last long, and Jasper quickly had me under him on the ground, again. He positioned his body weight in such a way that it made moving nearly impossible.

"That all ya got, newborn?" Jasper taunted me as he pushed my face deeper into the damp soil.

For some reason, him calling me newborn, stripping me of my identity, made me even angrier. A feral sounding snarl ripped through my throat as I bucked up, knocking Jasper a good hundred yards away. He effortlessly landed on all fours and immediately came at me again. I fought with everything I had and relished each time I got a hit in or took Jasper down. He was probably letting me, but I didn't care. When I accidently ripped off his arm, I momentarily came to my senses.

"What the hell, Jasper?" I sputtered out in shock as I held his twitching limb.

Instead of answering, Jasper leapt off the ground and over my head, attempting to kick my chest as he hovered right above me. I reached up and grabbed his leg. The sound of it detaching from his hip was even more horrific than the one made when I ripped off his arm. This time, however, I had no qualms about taking advantage of his vulnerability. Teetering on one leg Jasper still wasn't giving up. He attempted to grab me with his still-attached arm. Before he could ensnare me, I swung his detached leg like a baseball bat, hitting him square in the chest and sending him soaring once again.

Someone breaking through the trees on the other side of the clearing finally had me backing away from the destruction I had caused. I shook my head in disbelief at what I'd done. Alice ran over to Jasper and asked him if he was all right. He looked up at her like she had lost her mind. Disgusted with myself, I threw his appendages in their direction and took off running as fast as I could. I pushed my body through the undergrowth and ran until I reached the ocean. I debated jumping in and continuing to put more distance between me and my horrific actions, but I knew that wasn't the best idea. It was bad enough I was out here alone when the Volturi were looking for me, when I could potentially stumble too close to civilization.

The sound of a small herd of deer had me on the move once again, determined to satiate my thirst. I stalked the animals for a few miles, relishing in the thrill of the hunt. I was focused solely on my next meal. The largest buck stopped and sniffed the air as if sensing there was danger nearby. I took advantage of his hesitation and pounced. In my haste to feed, I ended up tearing his head off. It rolled to the ground, blood gushing in all directions. I opened my mouth and let the red goodness land on my tongue. Soon I was covered in blood and more desperate than ever. Once all the buck's blood was gone, I pivoted and headed in the direction of another member of the scattered herd. The next one met the same fate as the first. I crushed every bone in the body of my third victim. After my forth kill, I rocked back onto my heels, taking in the carnage before me. Part of me was proud of my barbaric actions. I knew I should be appalled by my behavior, but as I stood there, staring at the gruesome remains, I couldn't find it in me to give a damn.

Piling the carcasses, I lit them on fire and watched as the flames consumed the fur, muscles, organs and bones. So much for being an exemplary newborn, I thought. I was pretty certain even Jasper would be flabbergasted by my activities these last few hours. With my thirst quenched for the moment, I began wondering what I was going to do next. There was no way I was going back to the Cullen house feeling like I did, especially since I didn't feel any remorse over any of it. I was a vampire. And for the first time since I became one, I actually felt like a vampire.

I found my way back to the shore and sat on the ground next to a big rock, leaning my back against its cool surface. The boulder concealed me and made me feel somewhat safe. Two days passed as I pondered my future. It took everything I had to keep me from searching for a nice warm human to taste. I finally understood why keeping a vegetarian diet was so difficult. I hadn't consumed a single drop of human blood, yet I craved it. The longing to totally give into my nature was overwhelming.

"Isabella." My name was spoken with reference and relief. Carlisle had been circling the area for some time, trying to pinpoint my exact location. I could have, should have, called out to him to let him know where I was. His expression as he looked down at me just about killed me.

"Stop looking at me like that," I pled as I turned my head away. _Maybe I should have kept going_, I thought as Carlisle sat down beside me, undeterred by my outburst.

"Want to talk about it?"

"No." I really didn't want to rehash everything and see a look of disappointment in his eyes.

"All right. Are you ready to come home?"

"No."

"You should know Jasper purposefully antagonized you. He thought you needed to get out some of that pent up aggression you were carrying around. He's impressed with how thoroughly you kicked his ass." Carlisle laughed.

"He was going easy on me."

"Actually, he claims he wasn't. He underestimated your abilities. He won't make that mistake again." Carlisle actually sounded proud.

"I was cruel."

"No, Bella, you reacted to a perceived threat. When Edward saw what happened through Jasper's thoughts, he said you were magnificent."

"I thought he detested violence."

"I think you would be surprised how much he has changed in the last ten years. You started a chain reaction, I think. He is better for knowing you and for loving you."

Without another word Carlisle stood up and held out his hand for me to take. He wasn't going to give me the option of staying. He was right, of course. I needed to head back to the house and face reality. Jasper wanted to work on honing some of the fighting techniques he'd been teaching me. I'd only been a vampire for a week, and I could already see how much time had been wasted sleeping. It was amazing how much I could get accomplished when I had all twenty four hours of each day.

We didn't rush back. Instead, Carlisle kept us at a leisurely pace. Well, a leisurely pace for vampires but still faster than any human could move. We talked about why I ran, and Carlisle was honestly surprised to learn it all started because of seeing my reflection. He pulled me to a stop and into his arms.

"But, Bella, you're exquisite. I don't understand why seeing yourself would have that effect on you. You were so close to perfection when human that there were simply few improvements that could be made. Your hair is three inches longer and a little fuller. Your waist pulled in an eighth of an inch, and your hips widened almost exactly an inch. The small lines around your eyes and mouth are gone. You look a few years younger. It will make blending in so much easier for you. I am certain you could pass as either a doctor or a student. Plus, your eyes are like the purest rubies, and I am almost ashamed to admit that I will miss the red when your diet changes the color to amber.

"Isabella, you are the most amazing, wonderful being I have ever met. I am in awe of you and love you with everything that I am."

His words touched my stagnant heart. It may no longer beat, but I felt emotions even more intensely than I had when it did. I hadn't thought it was possible to love Carlisle any more intensely, but he proved me wrong all the time.

"Thank you, Carlisle. I hadn't thought of it that way. I thought it was one more way I failed."

"Stop!" he practically yelled, shocking me. He'd never raised his voice at me before. His hands gripped me tightly around my upper arms, using just enough pressure to get my attention but not hurt me. "You most certainly have not failed. You are an extraordinary vampire, and you were an astonishing human. I want nothing more than for you to finally see that for yourself."

With that he pulled me to him and kissed me. It was a more forceful kiss than we usually shared, not that I was complaining. I loved when Carlisle let go a bit and allowed his baser self show. He was clearly a man on a mission, and I was happy to be along for the ride. He ripped what remained of my tattered clothing off of me without moving his lips from mine. I couldn't have stopped the moan that escaped even if I'd wanted to. There was nothing gentle about the way Carlisle was handling me, and I loved every second of it. I knew he would never truly hurt me. Having that absolute trust in someone was the most exquisite gift I could ever receive. The next few hours with Carlisle's feral side were a pretty close second, however.

"You are more precious to me than anything or anyone else ever has been or ever will be. I will love you for the rest of time and still feel like it is not enough time to love you." He showered every inch of my skin with soft kisses while we basked in our post coital bliss. "You are so utterly amazing. I know I do not deserve you." He pressed his finger against my lips to hold in my protest. "But, I will spend each and every day showing you how much I appreciate you choosing me. How much I adore you. I love you, Isabella."

"I love you too, Carlisle, so much," I stated emphatically.

"It seems our clothes are not fit to wear. Although, I cannot say I am sorry about that. When we return to the others, there will be no doubt in their minds what we have been doing. We reek of sex, which will reinforce the fact that you are mine, Isabella. You will always be mine. Just as I will always be yours.

"There is something else you should be made aware of before we return. While you were gone, some of the others went above and beyond, rounding up quite a few friends and such to join us against the Volturi."

I looked at him in shock. "That's amazing. But I still wish none of you had to face any of this. It's all because of me, and I'll feel horrible if anyone is hurt."

"Isabella, the Volturi have been taking unwilling vampires into their army for thousands of years. They search the world for those with talents they feel will be useful to them. I witnessed this myself while there. Alice and I were not the only ones on the receiving end of their wrath during that time. What we heard and witnessed solidified our resolve to do anything we could to prevent them continuing such practices. Even vampires deserve the choice."

We made it back to the house and were immediately thrust back into the madness. Esme was screaming at Edward. Alice was trying to calm her down while Emmett and Rose held back a growling Edward, who looked positively livid. The other vampires who had come to our aid stood in a loose circle. Some of them looked uncertain about whether or not they should intervene, and the others seemed amused or bored.

All eyes turned to us at the sound of our approach. Carlisle wrapped an arm around my waist and gently pushed me behind him, likely both in a gesture of protection and to hide my unclothed body from their view. Not that he seemed to care that everyone was seeing _him_ in all his naked glory.

"That is enough!" Carlisle commanded, making it very difficult for me to keep from attacking him then and there, witnesses be damned. "Isabella and I are going to get dressed, and then we are all going to work together to prepare to face the Volturi."

Oh goodness, that was hot. Every vampire instantly bowed their head to acknowledge his authority. He didn't wait for any further responses before leading me into the house and straight to his room.

After dressing me in some of his clothes then dressing himself, we headed back out to face everyone. Carlisle left no room for argument as he took the reins and started ordering our small army around. He was magnificent. Power oozed out of him as he effortlessly took command. Jasper was appointed to lead us through some fighting exercises. For just over three days, we worked non-stop, following Carlisle's instructions. We were then paired off to hunt in turns. No one was allowed to wander off alone, and the house was never left unguarded.

After the fifth day, the tension between Esme, Edward and Carlisle came to a head. We had been focusing on preparations, and I had a feeling Jasper was using their dissonance to help us put our best effort into our practice fights. We had started off going too easy on each other, not wanting to hurt a member of our family or those who had come to assist us. However, within a few hours we were voraciously attacking one another.

When Alice finally got a concrete vision of the Volturi's next move, we were ready. I could practically feel everyone's need to end the uncertainty, to just get past the altercation, so we could go about our lives…or cease to exist. Alice had more visions of us winning than not, giving us more confidence that we would come out the other side, maybe not unscathed but intact. At least mostly.

* * *

**A/N:** Anyone still here?

Apparently, one of you amazing readers recommended this story to Twilightfamilysagas... I'll post the link on my profile since ffn is getting smarter about blocking links no matter how much I alter it...

Thank you. Real life has a way of interfering with my writing obsession...I'll always come back, though.

The M rating has been questioned...I chose M to be safe and because I knew it was going to get a bit gory (although, I did expect that to happen a bit earlier; these characters dictate their stories). M does not equal lemons, so I'm sorry if that's what you were expecting when you started reading. If that's news to you, make sure to check out the Rules & Guidelines section of the site.

Thanks Bunches,

~SP


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